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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL

43 replies

Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 09:52

I don't know if I am being a cow but I need a rant as cannot say this to DH.

SIL is a lot younger than him and in her 20s and we are in our 40s.

Last year she got into her first serious relationship and he moved in with SIL and MIL. SIL proceeded to then rack up £30,000 of debt with bf (cars holidays, shite she did not need) while bf went from one job to the next (kitchen porter type work) getting sacked for his bad attitude and SIL then asked DH to take out a loan for her to pay it back - thankfully he didn't.

Christmas MIL texts OH to tell him SIL and bf have had a massive row and he has gone off in her car (he is banned) with her phone and she is going to leave him (this has also happened while DH was visiting - twice).

SIL is now pregnant (planned) and is very excited. I am happy for her as she will be a good mum (I think/hope) but I feel sad that she is going to have a baby with such a massive tit and may end up left with the debt and a baby.

Have bought a pram which cost £700 and had numerous 4D scans etc everything documented on social media with "gender reveal" which makes my toes curl and numerous trips to A&E for headaches, colds etc with FB check ins followed by rants slagging off the NHS for being shit (never mind its idiots like her bringing it to its fucking knees).

She has now broken a bone in her foot rendering her unable to drive and had a scan booked and plastered it all over FB that it's fine he'll drive her (even though he is banned so therefore uninsured which makes me feel enraged).

Final straw is we are getting married this year just after baby is due (so they may not even make it - which is fine) - but they are planning on getting engaged at our fucking wedding. I just want to tell DH to tell them to fuck right off but I can't because it's his little sister.

And breathe - thanks feels so much better to say what I am feeling

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2017 11:05

Firstly, report the cumsplash that thinks its ok to drive while banned and uninsured. Pisses me right off that people think they can flout the rules to suit them.

Secondly, has she always been a spoilt brat? The idea of getting engaged at someone else's wedding is beyond rude.

Willow2017 · 08/05/2017 11:07

Tell you DP to make it clear that they are not getting engaged at your wedding, its your (both of you) day not theirs. if they wont agree then uninvite them.

If you dh cant stand up to her then it doesnt bode well for the future, she is always going to get her own way.

They sound like a pair of absolute idiots. God help the child.

And report him before he wrecks someone elses life.

contrary13 · 08/05/2017 11:09

A friend of mine made a speech at the start of his wedding reception saying "I know that my sister's boyfriend is keen to propose to her... but how awful would it be if he did so today? To take the shine from my beautiful bride on something that is meant to be her day as a bride, and our day to begin our new life together?!"

The boyfriend waited a week, the relationship lasted two years after they got married, it was awfully messy.

If you're worried, maybe try the same tactic?

WipsGlitter · 08/05/2017 11:09

Can you explain how they are getting engaged at your wedding?

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 11:11

Well we went to visit them not long after DH had been away for a long time with the forces (they live a long way from us).

DH and I had a week off together but he wanted to see his family and his son (as lives there too and significant Birthday).

SIL had just come back from 2 weeks in the Caribbean. We were meeting friends for a meal and she wanted to come too. Friends changed all the dinner plans to accommodate SIL and BF.

Hour beforehand she texted OH saying they were sacking dinner off as felt they hadn't had enough quality to me together in Caribbean due to his family being there and causing issues so had booked a hotel (OH had been on military deployment for 4 months days prior to this and we had no contact at all!).

They turned up at hotel apparently and didn't like the look of the front so didn't even go in and just booked another one.

OP posts:

PovertyPain · 08/05/2017 11:12

Maybe your dh to be, needs your blessing to go NC, with his horrible family. Some people keep in contact with their abusive family because society makes the mistake of thinking your mother is your mother for life, family is wonderful, what if something happens to them, bla bla bla. It lays a lot of guilt on the abused family member and makes them feel very confused and reluctant to do what is right for their own well being. Have you ever asked him what HE gets out of maintaining the relationship with them and does he think he would be happier with them in OR out of his life? Ask him to think of not having to deal with their drama and the pressure it puts him under. Make it clear you will support him, no matter his decision.

MycatsaPirate · 08/05/2017 11:13

Jesus wept!

It sounds all very dramatic in that house. I would definitely report him for driving uninsured, tell them to fuck off with the engagement at your wedding plans and then possibly move house and don't tell any of them.

honeysucklejasmine · 08/05/2017 11:16

We have similar drama with younger siblings in my dh's family. We now just sit back and watch the shit hit the fan, as all our attempts to help, support, advise etc came to nothing.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 11:16

His dad is cool and so is his dads partner and his brother lives abroad and his wife feels the same way about MIL.

He has as little contact as possible but I think he feels guilty and responsible for his mum - he lends her a lot of money which he never gets back and then denies he has lent it. It's really fucked up for him tbh

OP posts:

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 08/05/2017 11:16

Report him anonymously to the DVLA:

www.contactthedvla.co.uk/guides/anonymously-reporting-dangerous-driving-dvla/

wizzywig · 08/05/2017 11:20

Maybe she thinks you are getting married on her big day? Sorry, couldnt resist

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 11:22

She probably does

OP posts:

SnugglyBedSocks · 08/05/2017 11:23

I really think you need to take a look at the issues that you have and really think about your future with him.

If he can't put you first now and stand up to them then I really don't see a happy marriage for you.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 11:29

My future with him is fine as long as we have limited contact with this branch of family

OP posts:

diddl · 08/05/2017 11:45

" I just want to tell DH to tell them to fuck right off but I can't because it's his little sister."

But it's your wedding as well!

Does he know what they are planning to do & is OK with it?

Do you have to accept what his mum & sister do because "it's just how they are"?

Why is he so desperate to have contact that he lets them treat him like shit?

Do either of them actually care about him??

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 08/05/2017 12:00

No I don't think either of them do care about him but they are the only mother and sister he has and there is nowt as queer as folk.

OP posts:

PovertyPain · 08/05/2017 12:09

OP, id be very concerned about the fact that he is giving them money, but lying to you about it. If you get married and become financially tied to each other, is this going to affect you?

MargaretCavendish · 08/05/2017 12:12

Erm, what? Surely that bizarre, sort of passive-agressive but mostly just aggressive-aggressive washing of family dirty laundry took much more of the shine off the wedding than a proposal (which I agree is an unacceptable thing to do) could ever have?!

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