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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brigitte Trogneux

60 replies

Chippednailvarnishing · 08/05/2017 08:46

She's 24 years older than me, AIBU to copy her clothes. She always looks very "together", whereas I don't!

OP posts:
Chavelita · 08/05/2017 10:49

I'm not claiming she's admirable, either, incidentally. I know nothing whatsoever about her, other than what's appeared in the media.

The80sweregreat · 08/05/2017 11:06

She may hate being in the spotlight - the British press would probably pull her apart, but the French might not be as bad. Dont know.

i did read that his parents did try to split them up when he was 15 or 16, but once he turned 18 there wasn't much they could do.
i like her style though and they look happy enough, the age gap isnt a problem now really he is 39!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/05/2017 11:26

I think it's kind of reassuring when someone has a non-trophy wife - for example I'm not an Alan Sugar fan but he hasn't replaced his wife for a younger model

Pentapus · 08/05/2017 11:39

What a lot of unnecessary negativity about her. I think she looks great for her age, and I'll be fairly pleased if I look that good when I reach my mid 60's.

And she didn't have a relationship with her pupil, apparently he was precocious and pursued her, and the relationship began later, subsequent to her being his drama teacher.

But the most important point is that here we are, on a forum predominantly populated by women, and there's nastiness about her appearance and false innuendo being trotted out about her past romantic relationships.

Way to go sisterz. Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/05/2017 11:47

Just because someone is female, doesn't give them automatic support.

I don't judge how she looks or in fact how he looks - it doesn't affect their jobs.

As for him pursuing her, I'm sure most mothers wouldn't be haopy about their son being in that position.

I wish them all the best but people will judge the circumstances under which they met/got together.

Pentapus · 08/05/2017 11:55

Just because someone is female, doesn't give them automatic support.

No, but why should women attack other women on the basis of their appearance? It happens a lot, and it's not good.

Strikhedonia · 08/05/2017 12:04

it's not just the age difference, her own child was a classmate of her now husband. Charming.

Pentapus · 08/05/2017 12:43

Surely Strikhedonia, given the age difference, and that she has children, it would be likely that her children would be contemporaries of his?

In which case, if her children were, as you claim, in a class with him, why is this relevant, considering no romantic or sexual relationship existed at that time?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/05/2017 13:09

I'm presuming it would be okay for it to be the other way round? Otherwise that would be a staggeringly hypocritical double standard

In which case, I'm quite surprised that nobody would bat an eyelid if someone in public life was married to their ex teacher who they had been dating since they were 17

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/05/2017 13:14

But then I can't imagine fancying a 17 yo, and I'm in my 40s

GraceGrape · 08/05/2017 13:16

I would say it would be less remarked upon the other way round, as it seems more "acceptable" for men to be several years older than their wives than vice versa.

wendywashington · 08/05/2017 13:17

I think she appears youthful as she has very good hair.
lmagine her with thin straggly hair- a very different look.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/05/2017 13:20

It's not the age difference

It's not that she looks her age

It's that he was a child when they met and she was his teacher and what would someone in their 30s/40s see in a teen?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/05/2017 13:23

But I can see that the old MN double standard is alive and kicking Grin

mousymary · 08/05/2017 13:29

Quite, Livia. I'd be storming the school if a teacher was giving ds the eye. And if it were my dd ...

Also, for me, I would be unhappy with ds giving up the chance to have a family, so that's why I wouldn't be in favour of his having a relationship with someone 25 years older, not because of the age difference per se.

CJCreggsGoldfish · 08/05/2017 13:32

I actually think she looks fantastic!

I did raise an eyebrow when I discovered she'd been his teacher. I mean, come on...can you imagine the scandal at any one our high schools, if a 17 year old pupil got it together with teacher 24 years his senior?! There would be accusations of grooming. It's clearly worked our well for them, but I'm not going to pretend I'd be cool about my DS dating his teacher when he's 17.

AmyOnTheBorder · 08/05/2017 13:38

She does look good for her age and has a very good figure and posture. I'd be over the moon to look like that at 64.

I read that was his mother's big concern mousymary, that he would never have his own children. He seems to be close to her grandchildren and he seems happy so I will not judge. Obviously unethical to start so young on her behalf but it has worked out and they seem in love.

Charmageddon · 08/05/2017 13:42

And she didn't have a relationship with her pupil, apparently he was precocious and pursued her, and the relationship began later, subsequent to her being his drama teacher.

Aah, so it's ok for people in positions of power to have otherwise inappropriate relationships with 15 yr olds who fall within their duty of care if the pupil is 'precocious'.

Thanks for clearing that up!
It's not the person with the power's fault, it was the precocious teen what made them do it.....

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/05/2017 13:42

As for it being okay because 'he actively pursued her'.. wow.

LapinR0se · 08/05/2017 13:46

Oh dear I think she looks like an oompa loompa with a bad wig

Chavelita · 08/05/2017 13:50

But I can see that the old MN double standard is alive and kicking

It's hardly unique to Mn, Livia. It's a widespread social confusion between women still being less likely to be regarded as sexual initiators or aggressors, and for men to be far less likely to be sexual 'victims' of female sexual exploitation -- in part because this happens very seldom, and gets disproportionate publicity when it does. Teenage boys are seen as a kind of transitional zone between being child victims of adult sexual predatoriness, and yet themselves, of course, also themselves sexual beings, potentially capable of rape.

Macron/Trogneux is a 'confusing' relationship for a lot of people because if you see him as a former boy victim of a predatory older woman in a position of pastoral care over him as his teacher, it's difficult to square with the fact that the relationship has endured 20 years and a complete role reversal, where he is now the powerful one in his prime, and she's a sidekick being picked apart for her appearance/age in the media.

For some people, it's clearly like reading Lolita, if Lolita had grown up to be the US president and was apparently happily married at 40 to an elderly Humbert?

GraceGrape · 08/05/2017 13:55

I'm not sure why there's a double standard. What makes you think the French would have been more bothered if it was a 16 year old female student and male teacher?

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 08/05/2017 14:01

If they did not start the relationship while he was a pupil where is the issue? Other than Anglo Saxon weirdness over men having relationships with older women, which i suspect will cause no more than the odd smirk over the other side of the channel, assuming they care what we think

Strikhedonia · 08/05/2017 14:04

In which case, if her children were, as you claim, in a class with him, why is this relevant, considering no romantic or sexual relationship existed at that time?

I don't claim it, it's a fact and no-one has ever denied that. Why would you?

And yes, it makes a huge difference!
(let's pretend you are old enough) Say you meet a young man working with you, you will picture him as a work colleague first. Age is not so relevant. Can't you see the difference with meeting a friend of your child, that you might invite to a birthday party and will treat.. well as child!

It would be a huge scandal if Marine LePen was dating one of her pupil (had she been a teacher obviously)

Strikhedonia · 08/05/2017 14:10

considering no romantic or sexual relationship existed at that time?

Only 2 people know how true that is, and they are unlikely to write a book about it, aren't they.