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Original poster

Appropriate age for children to know and for me to discuss the " mechanics" of reproduction in humans!

40 replies

tessieandoz · 08/05/2017 06:27

Before I even start I have to admit that I am fighting to submerge my own experience of sex education and the way I passed it to my own children. I am Grannie, Age 65 & 1/4

So, a little 8 year old girl, that is the daughter of a friend of mine, announced quite proudly that she " knows how babies are made ".
I said something like " Good for you. How are your 4 times tables coming along . . ." Typical of my generation.

However, in my defence, her little brother aged 4 was there and listening and did not want to get drawn in.

Being fully aware that all children/ people are different , at what age do you all think that it is appropriate to drop the " Mummy's tummy " acting alone and to open discussion to facts?

Also in my defence, I did not investigate if she truly knows " How babies are made "
I do also know that her Mum is the first person I should and will talk to. However, she leans on me for advice so I want to be armed by the
" Power of MUMSNET " ( Think GRAYSKULL if you are old enough )

OP posts:
Iliketeaagain · 08/05/2017 06:29

My 7 yo dd knows the basic "mechanics"
She asked how babies were made and wanted to know how the sperm gets where it needs to go.
So I told her a simplistic version of the truth.

If she is old enough

Iliketeaagain · 08/05/2017 06:31

Sorry, posted too soon.
If she is old enough to ask, she is old enough for an honest, age appropriate answer IMO.

And I'd much rather my dd hear the truth from me than nonsense in the playground from friends or their older siblings!

Gallavich · 08/05/2017 06:33

When they ask.
My ds is 8 and he knows that women have an egg and men have a seed, that the seed comes out of the penis and the man put the penis into the woman's vagina so that the seed can reach the egg.
I didn't tell him that all at once, I answered his questions as they arose. Probably first when he was about 4? And i introduced the seed and egg concept. He asked again a couple of years later and we got as far as the seed comes out of the penis. He has known that babies come out of the woman's vagina when they are born for a good few years.
I was raised in an environment where anything to do with sex and reproduction was embarrassing and never discussed and I don't want that for my son. I believe if my parents had encouraged and allowed talk about sex and relationships I would have sought their help and advice and avoided some horrible life experiences (or at least been better equipped for them) and I always want my son to know he can talk to me about anything. So although it goes against my conditioning I am consciously doing the opposite of what I experienced with my parents.

CasperGutman · 08/05/2017 06:45

My four year old knows the mechanics at a similar level to that described by Gallavich above - i.e. that women have an egg and men have a seed, that the seed comes out of the penis and the man put the penis into the woman's vagina so that the seed can reach the egg, and then the baby grows in the womb and then is pushed out when it's ready to be born.

My parents were similarly open with me, such that I didn't remember ever not knowing and having to be told where babies came from. I found it slightly odd when classmates didn't know. I think it's best if children grow up feeling like they've always known these things, with more details being filled in as they mature emotionally and intellectually.

The same goes for other things people sometimes try to keep children from knowing about - such as death.

Dashper · 08/05/2017 06:45

DS started asked around age 3.1. He's now 3.6 and knows the facts as Gallavich describes them. He's fascinated by how things work and I suppose reproduction is no different.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/05/2017 06:57

DS aged 2 3/4 knows he and his baby brother were born because daddy put a seed in mummy's tummy and it grew into a baby. He doesn't know how the seed got in there. He also doesn't know that there's an exit strategy other than the doctor cutting a hole in mummy's tummy as that's how he and baby brother were born.

AuntieStella · 08/05/2017 06:58

You tell them when they show an interest.

Sone time in KS2 (years 3-6 ie age 7-11) then the full mechanics.

Your response, btw, was just right for an adult who doesn't want to get drawn in to those discussions with a particular child.

(and I hope 4x table is already secure by age 8)

The decreasing age of puberty in girls has tended to bring the age from the top of the KS range to rather younger. Because it's really difficult to prepare girls for periods without going into the ins and outs.

MrsKCastle · 08/05/2017 07:05

I think it's better to talk about it when they're young because then it's just another piece of information about how bodies work, no different from what the heart does or why we have bones.

With my DD1 I was waiting until she asked, but she didn't ask... I discussed it with her when she was 7 or so and she found it embarrassing. Whereas DD2, who was 4, wasn't phased at all.

I think it should be treated as something normal and natural, very matter of fact- not a big secret.

megletthesecond · 08/05/2017 07:09

yy mrsk . I told mine around the age of 5 and it was fine.

UnderneaththeArchers · 08/05/2017 07:13

Well, we started at 2 and a half for the mechanics and added things gradually from there. Personally I think it's too important to leave until they ask - some children just don't. And we have been careful to explain that sex is NOT primarily about making babies - even the best books aren't great on that aspect.
But with a child that wasn't mine, including a grandchild, I would deflect, deflect, deflect - from discussions on here it is clear people have very different views on what and how much to say.

Chavelita · 08/05/2017 07:18

My just turned five year old has known pretty much what Gallavich said for, I don't know, a year and a half or two years? Since whenever he was old enough to ask. But I agree with a pp about deflecting if it's not your child and you don't know the parents' position. Threads on here have had me boggling about 'keeping them innocent'. Hmm

CasperGutman · 08/05/2017 07:22

By the way, I agree you were right to change the subject. It wouldn't be sensible to discuss without knowing the parents' views as some people get so funny about this subject!

Firenight · 08/05/2017 07:23

I wouldn't have any conversation about it in detail with a child who wasn't one because some people can be really reluctant to tell their children anything.

My eldest started asking at 4 when I was pregnant and took the mechanics in at a level he could grasp. He was around when his sister was born too so saw that happen (missed the actual delivery but joined us seconds after).

LesLiaisonsDangereuses · 08/05/2017 07:24

Those saying "when they ask", what if they never ask?
The parents should take the lead to educate children appropriately, not rely on the DC to define the timing.

GreatFuckability · 08/05/2017 07:29

I don't really know how old, i want to say they've always known, which clearly isn't the case, but what i mean they've known since they were tiny.

HeyMicky · 08/05/2017 07:30

DD1 knew at 2.5 that men had a seed and women had an egg - I was pregnant with DD2 and she asked. She also knows the baby is born through the vagina.

Now 4, she hasn't yet asked how the seed gets to the egg so we haven't done the mechanics of sex

GreatFuckability · 08/05/2017 07:30

I do agree that if it was a child that wasn't mine i wouldn't get into it though, because it's not my place.

picklemepopcorn · 08/05/2017 07:36

I shared books like Babbette Cole's 'mummy laid an egg' with my son before he was four. His baby brother was due, home birth planned. He needed to know and was able to understand.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/05/2017 07:38

I'm genuinely surprised that people have got 2/3 year olds asking about it - I don't think it would even occur to my DS (just turned 3) to query it.

I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and he knows there's a baby in mummy's tummy but he's never once questioned how it got in there and would be genuinely surprised if he did.

I'm really close to my 7 year old niece and DH has never asked me, or her mum (my sister) about it. My sister's son had sex education at school when he was 10 but I do think that's a bit late. I remember when I was in primary school (20 years ago) and we first did Sex Ed aged 10 and I would gave thought things has changed since then due to puberty starting much earlier these days.

I think 8 is a perfectly acceptable age to be asking about his babies are made but I understand why you wouldn't get drawn into it without knowing her parents stance on it.

Believeitornot · 08/05/2017 07:42

We have covered the basics by 5 as ds has a younger sister! His sister didn't really ask until she was 5. We also explained about making babies if you want to make babies and usually you do it with someone you want to make babies with. (Logic being that we want to ground them in the idea of living relationships, consent etc etc).

RoseGoldProsecco · 08/05/2017 07:59

Yep, apparently I was about 4 when I got the "mummy's tummy has a bulb and daddy makes a seed" chat.

Unfortunately for DM, my little brother was listening too, and he picked the checkout at Sainsbury's to ask v loudly, "has that bulb dropped out of your front bottom yet, mummy?" Grin

willconcern · 08/05/2017 08:04

What Gallavich said. I think it's best that children are told when they asknow when they'reach young. Both my DCs knew from about 3 as they asked questions. There's no embarrassment then, just facts, and both have grown up open & unembarrassed about their bodies and ours.

AuntieStella · 08/05/2017 08:04

"Those saying "when they ask", what if they never ask?"

In that event then yes, you have to decide when to say what. But is that really likely? Assuming the DC attends school, that it. Because it'll go round the playground for sure (probably several times in a school career). I am assuming also good communication between DC and parents.

Showing an interest of course is not a synonym for asking direct questions, of course.

Teabagtits · 08/05/2017 08:10

I explained the basic mechanics from about 3/4 as dd asked how babies were made. However by 5 she wanted to know how the seed went from the penis to vagina and did daddy pee inside mummy. She then queried how the penis got into mummy. We got the babette cole book which raised more questions specifically the positions page. I didn't think it was appropriate to discuss erections or ejaculation so for my shame said it just does.

MissWilmottsGhost · 08/05/2017 08:15

DD has known that a baby grows in a mummy's tummy and comes out her vagina since she was about 2.5. She is now 5 and recently asked 'but mummy, how does the baby get in' so we had a quick chat about daddy putting in a seed.

We had fertility issues and DD was conceived by IVF so I thought I would anticipate later questions by saying that the daddy's seed doesn't always make a baby. DD looked at me sadly and said 'does he sometimes spill it?' :-D

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