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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't sleep, more of a WWYD

58 replies

Lolitabonita · 08/05/2017 03:43

I was seeing a married man with two children when I was 16. It all ended badly which resulted in him returning to his wife and me being very bitter about the way he blamed me entirely afterwards.

This was 20 years ago. I commented on a friends post regarding the Soham murders and the sister of the wife has replied to my comment on there basically dragging up the past and comparing me to Ian Huntley in that I was manipulative to her sister etc, saying that now I have a husband and kids she hopes I go through what her sister did....

I've now got a family of my own and I feel sick at the thought of that being on Facebook. It was totally unprovoked and I haven't yet responded to it. I've never spoken to her sister before, this is the first communication in 20 years.

WWYD? I don't know whether to reply to it or not or just leave it?

OP posts:
Kokusai · 08/05/2017 07:42

You can remove your tagged name. It's somewhere in settings, or 'report'. I would do that and delete your comment, and set settings so only friends can see your posts not friends if friends.

Chloe84 · 08/05/2017 07:56

Hope your friend deleted the thread.

I think 16 is still practically a child and that you were groomed by someone twice your age.

What a horrible town Flowers

ThouShallNotPass · 08/05/2017 08:00

Delete and block her. Do not engage: I can't believe that people blame a child over a 30 year old man. And yes, as a PP stated, just a few months younger and he would have technically been guilty of statutory rape! Ian Huntley was a pedophile too. He attacked an 11 year old before the murders. At least it's an appropriate post to bring it up on.

Remember, HE's the one at fault no matter what you did. He was 30 and you were a child.

Have you considered that it's very possible that he won't want that old crap bringing up now and likely neither would his wife? The SIL could be stirring up shit the people involved don't want. It may get deleted soon anyway.

Yukbuck · 08/05/2017 08:02

Op this is horrible. I'm sorry you're going through this. You were still so young and innocent at 16. In the eyes of the law still a child. It's horrible that people were so mean to you and classed him as the hero. I really hope your friend can pull the thread down. I wouldn't even think twice if I was your friend.

StealthPolarBear · 08/05/2017 08:10

Op I am so sorry that is bloody awful. I hope they caught the people who beat you up.
To pp s, im fairly sure stat rape is much younger. ThaT said if he was a teacher he is even more in the wrong. Did he keep his job?

Trb17 · 08/05/2017 08:14

Definitely 'block' her so she can never see anything you ever put on anything.

My block list is larger than my friends list Grin

QuiteLikely5 · 08/05/2017 08:21

You were only 16! If they don't appreciate that now then they never will.

Block and move on. If anyone was taken advantage of it was you! They sound like morons

Original poster
Lolitabonita · 08/05/2017 08:32

It's been removed and I've now got the sister messaging me on Facebook with all sorts of accusations. The guy who I had an affair with is no longer with his wife, they split up about a year after it happened. He is very popular in this town, even now. The saying really is true that it is always the woman that gets the blame in an affair

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/05/2017 08:36

Or child in this case Angry
What is the sister saying? I'd be tempted to email once asking her to stop contacting you, and if she persists after that you will consider it harrassment.

GreyBird84 · 08/05/2017 08:44

Do not engage & just ignore & block.

She is clearly spoiling for a fight - don't give her one.

Allabitmuchisntit · 08/05/2017 08:45

Oh my Lord is there so little happening in your town, that this "sister" feels the need to drag up stuff that happened twenty years ago??!! What a sad and bitter person she must be. You should pity her.

And then report her to the police for harassment.

Henrysmycat · 08/05/2017 08:48

How pathetic is everyone in your town and how misogynistic of them to blame you for everything. And congratulations to his wife and family for believing the BS and keeping a prized idiot.
Do not respond, do not message her or engage with her. She wants a fight and bring everything up. I bet he's not better now and you'll be forever blamed for 'tainting' him.
If your friend does not delete the threat (or her comment which she can, as I have done it before on my own posts), maybe you need to reconsider friendships. If someone like that was goading my friend for a teenage mistake, I'd have them blocked in a nanosecond.
I am sorry it happened to you and I am sorry, there was no one to fight your corner.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 08/05/2017 09:02

Facebook was only launched in 2004. 13 years ago.

Trb17 · 08/05/2017 09:33

Block her then she can't message you either.

DearMrDilkington · 08/05/2017 09:42

I'd ignore the comment. You were basically still a child when this man took advantage of you, any sane person can see who the real problem is and it's definitely not you.

Block the sister and any other family members before they get a chance to message you.

Hold your head up high and put it behind you. Flowers

Original poster
Lolitabonita · 08/05/2017 09:46

vivienne yes what's your point 🤔 When I was 16 I met the guy at work, not through Facebook

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 08/05/2017 09:51

The point being you said that twenty years ago you were receiving Facebook abuse because of this affair bullied on Facebook for years afterwards. The time lines don't fit.

Anyway, just block the crazy woman and get on with your life. They are nothing to you and shouldn't be given the time of day. Don't give them the satisfaction of a rise.

OhGrace · 08/05/2017 10:15

She didn't say immediately afterwards, just that for years after it happened OP was getting grief on FB Hmm

Bubblesagain · 08/05/2017 10:48

And then report her to the police for harassment.

To the police ? Hmm this is the first communication in 20 years that can be easily solved by blocking her on Facebook.

Original poster
Lolitabonita · 08/05/2017 10:48

Yes I was bullied for years after the affair on Facebook - and I mean YEARS. Every time the bloke and his wife did anything on Facebook there was always comments made about me, I had countless messages from his and her family members. Back when it happened no one could contact me, as soon as Facebook came about they all had a field day. I've now blocked her and she threatened to come to my hometown and "protect her sister". I'm now nearly 36 and just cannot believe how much hatred people still hold towards me over it

OP posts:
EatsShitAndLeaves · 08/05/2017 11:28

They split up a year after the affair but bullied you for years on Facebook?

Original poster
Lolitabonita · 08/05/2017 11:36

Not really the bloke and his wife but their respective family members. I was blamed for his wife's depression, she went through a phase of saying she wanted to kill her self and I had messages from her family saying that was down to me and why didn't I just kill myself to relieve her of her depression. When I got married I got a string of abuse saying they hope karma happens to me and my husband cheats on me with a teenager. It then all reared its head again when I had children - they hoped that I would lose the baby or something would go wrong for me. They couldn't understand why I was allowed to be happy and "get away with it"

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 08/05/2017 11:43

Sounds like you live in a horrible town

Chloe84 · 08/05/2017 11:44

Just noticed your username, OP. It's a strange choice? Confused

GreatFuckability · 08/05/2017 11:46

so 7 years after the affair, and 6 years after they split up, she was suicidal and they blamed you?