People in 9-5 jobs

[BubbleBall]

How do you manage to fit everyhing in?

I've just started a new job and was quite pleased to find out I'd be working "office hours" with weekends and bank holidays off (it's not an office job). I live with DP who has a very similar setup and was delighted thinking home life would run more smoothly with us all having similar routines. DS goes to school and then a childminder until I pick him up when I finish.

I am exhausted. I get home in the evening and by the time homework, housework and dinner are out of the way I have to study- which I have no inclination to do at 8pm at night. At weekends we try to see family, spend time outdoors and do more thorough housework to keep the house acceptable.

I have pretty low standards when it comes to housework so its not as though I'm running myself ragged trying to keep everything spotless.

I found things alot easier when I did longer shifts over fewer days- that left me a couple of days to blast the cleaning whilst the house was empty and get some studying done too.

Granted I'm only a few weeks in and have been ill in that time too, maybe it'll get easier once I'm used to the change of pace, but how do you all fit everything in and still find time to actually enjoy life a little?

I do a 40 hour week but can work flexibly. So I do 7-3.30 or 4 Monday to Thursday, and then finish at midday on Friday. I find it so much easier than 9-5, even though my last 9-5 job had only a 35 hour week. I usually use my Fridays for relaxing or doing any clothes shopping or haircuts, or other appointments. We all clean at weekends. My teenage son hoovers when necessary and makes dinner on Friday nights. We all take turns at cooking. I had a month off on holiday recently (I am abroad, I had family visiting), and I found the first week or two back exhausting though.

Sending my sympathy OP.
I have worked every combination of 5,4,3 and 2 days a week and sworn never to work more than 3 days (plus commuting). Very fortunate to have a well salaried job so could pay for a cleaner.

9-5 is tough + studying + not enough help from dp/ds - no wonder you are exhausted!

I would write a detailed day to day plan and then sit down with dp, explain how you are exhausted, drowning and you need more help from him and agree what he will take ownership for.

Not sure how old ds is but if he has homework am guessing not too young so give him jobs too. My DC are responsible for setting and clearing the table, making beds and wiping down bathroom surfaces in the morning plus picking up after themselves. Am going to start extending it to load/empty dishwasher too. Is this feasible for your ds?

I think cooking two meals is always very time consuming. Is there any reason why dp can't cook one meal for you all and you eat earlier? We always eat with kids where we can except for Fri night where we like to have a meal just the two of us. And/Or as pp said, use slow cooker and prep meal in the morning, then you can serve up ds's food earlier and yours later.

Can dp be in charge of shopping one night a week whilst you are studying? Alternatively, switch to Aldi, save £20 a week and use it to pay for a cleaner.

Housework - set aside 2 hrs on a weekend day where you and dp blitz the house together.

Homework - can it be done on the weekend?

I think a good routine + dp (and ds) pulling their weight is key to making things easier for you.

This is cheering me up a bit. Not that I want other people to be exhausted, but I get looks of blank incomprehension from people with no kids, people with partners, people who work less. They just act like I'm complaining about nothing. And I cool from scratch more than most of them.

Just reassuring to know it's not just me - this is actually a tiring schedule.

OP - Sorry if I misread your last post, but has your DH actually cited the fact that he earns slightly more than you as a justification for him doing no housework?
What did you say to that?

If he 'earns more' and really really doesn't want to clean etc, then his contribution can be paying for a cleaner. If he doesn't want to do that, he pitches in.

I would have no respect for, and couldn't stay with, a man who professed to love me but was happy to sit on his arse and watch me struggling.

I work 9-5 Mon-Fri in a management role, have a 1 and 5yr old and a husband who shares housework responsibility with me and I'm always tired. It's go so bad I cried in the toilet at work on Friday

So, I'm planning to speak with my boss and HR to consolidate my hours over 4 days. I rarely leave at 5 anyway and I'd much rather work 4 long days and have one off each week.

Also, I've done a 'traditional' 4 day week before and all that achieved was me getting the same work in less hours

As for your situation, agree with several PP's that your DH needs to start helping with the housework or pay someone to do it for you.

I gave an admin job over to dh recently so I would be not responsible for at least one thing around here. He fucked it up and I have had to sort out the fall out. (Relates to children so couldn't just leave it). I am not giving up or taking the job off him though, I assume that is what he wants! He manages to be responsible at work so how hard can it be at home?

Interesting thread.

I work 8.30-5.30 5 days per week. With a mammoth almost 2 hour commute each way. I'm out the house at 6.30am and back about 7.15pm. It's awful.

I'm considering putting in a flexible working request to work from home (and spare myself the hellish commute). But also considering asking for 4 long days instead of 5.

You need to have it out with your DP so he helps more. There is no room for selfishness and why does he think it's a possibility to just say no?

I've started doing click and collect for shopping which you might find is more justifiable since you are so close to Sainsburys. It costs a couple of pounds but I can order everything from an app on my phone and the 45 mins I don't spend in the shop can be spent doing something else.

I think you might need to change your mindset about doing housework all at once. 5 mins here and there really adds up. I know it's not the same as giving the whole house a clean in one block on a day off but it certainly fits better into a busy life.
How old is your child? What do they do to help?

I agree with others about the slow cooker and find pasta/egg/frozen baked potato dinners really helpful at times. Meal planning ahead actually saves time later too.

Sounds like you have talked to him about taking a more active part without success. In that case, don't do anything for him - no cooking, ironing, laundry or lifts for him.

You need to have it out with your DP so he helps more.

It is not HELP. Helps infers it is her job. It is not her job. It is their job - as the adults in the house.

9-5 sounds utterly depressing. id look for a job with better times, why would you want to waste your time being knackered and miserable

did I actually read that? most of us have no fucking choice

anyway, back to work

Yep he pays someone to do his share if he opts out, or you stop doing things for him or giving him lifts.

I'd much rather work three long shifts then five 9-5's. However your partner is the real issue.

Tell him 'I'm not going to nag you. You can choose to either pull your weight or leave'

I wonder if you'd have less housework without him really. How are you feeling about the relationship generally?

Even if there wasn't much less housework without him, there would certainly be a lot less of the anger and frustration of doing it all whilst he sits in his arse. And that anger and frustration can make work feel 19x harder.

Surely it depends what kind of job you're doing 9-5. Some jobs are quite low stress, others demand a lot physically, or involve constant interaction with the public, are emotionally draining or involve managing groups of people. I'm a teacher its all of the above, my job is exhausting so I'm not full time. It's not a 9-5 anyway, I work 7.45am-5.30pm plus evenings. I agree OP with others that the studying element is likely to be tipping the balance. Is the end in sight for your exams? Do you have family nearby to help take the kids to the park etc?

I've asked him for help and he just makes excuses or says no. Before it was because I was at home half the week, now it's because he earns more (less than £100 more).

You may as well be a single mum. And it would be one less child to look after, albeit a manchild.

It's a pretty demanding job- physically and mentally draining. I deal with the public all day in circumstances where you can't help becoming emotionally invested in your work which takes its toll. It's also a mentally challenging job where you have to be consistantly on the ball as well as being on your feet all the time. I really enjoy my work though and I have no desire to change to anything "easier" but I need time to recharge and my son needs me to be his mum as well! Not just the woman who feeds him and puts him to bed.

It's not a competition but DPs job is not physically demanding at all- he has responsibilities that he finds stressful as he has a fairly full on work load to manage but he can leave it at the door when 5 o' clock comes.

I moved away from my family to reduce my travelling time- when I did longer shifts over fewer days I would leave at 5.30am and be home at 9pm 3 or 4 days a week as well as trying to see DP which also required travel before I moved in with him, but that means I have less hands on support nearby.

Exams will be ongoing for the next couple of years, its a slog just now but will be worth it in the end which is why I'm determined to find a way to make it all work.

I wouldn't have much less housework without DP but it would reduce the amount of running around I have to do in terms of errands, lifts etc!

A month ago I worked a long hour, deadline based office job during five days a week and I swear it was no where near as exhausting as now looking after my three week old newborn!

My DH and I would set aside an hour on Sunday to prep whatever food we could for the week ahead (lunches and dinners). Food shopping online. I tend to do the cleaning as I found it therapeutic and I can be a bit of a madam about the standard of cleanliness ,however, we have really benefited from having an ironing service, otherwise it would all go to pot!

Funnily though, my priorities have now massively changed and I am no longer ridiculously anal about the cleanliness of the house. It's tidy, but there are things that would have previously set me off fussing that really don't matter anymore. It's actually very liberating and I can see how silly I used to be over it.

I don't know how to press it without nagging.

Nag him. Even better, be free of him. What does he add to your life?

It's tough. We're failing at the moment but you have your ups and downs

Get a cleaner. If you're both 9-5 you will both be knackered and have enough to share with standard evening chores.

Get him to pay for 50% of the time needed to tidy the house, which will establish firmly in his mind how it is.

I would book the cleaner for his half now or at least pointedly get some quotes and tell him how much it will cost.

I'd love to, struggling but we physically don't have the funds to do it, we are stretched as it is- neither of us are well paid so by the time we cover rent, bills, food, car, childcare etc. there might be enough left for a one- off cleaner but its not sustainable.