People in 9-5 jobs

[BubbleBall]

How do you manage to fit everyhing in?

I've just started a new job and was quite pleased to find out I'd be working "office hours" with weekends and bank holidays off (it's not an office job). I live with DP who has a very similar setup and was delighted thinking home life would run more smoothly with us all having similar routines. DS goes to school and then a childminder until I pick him up when I finish.

I am exhausted. I get home in the evening and by the time homework, housework and dinner are out of the way I have to study- which I have no inclination to do at 8pm at night. At weekends we try to see family, spend time outdoors and do more thorough housework to keep the house acceptable.

I have pretty low standards when it comes to housework so its not as though I'm running myself ragged trying to keep everything spotless.

I found things alot easier when I did longer shifts over fewer days- that left me a couple of days to blast the cleaning whilst the house was empty and get some studying done too.

Granted I'm only a few weeks in and have been ill in that time too, maybe it'll get easier once I'm used to the change of pace, but how do you all fit everything in and still find time to actually enjoy life a little?

9-5 is only just FT, some work far more and manage to fit everything in.

Homework for one child doesn't take that long, admin for a house is minimal and can be done at lunch, shopping can be online or an hour once a week. Housework I do before work so it's only food that needs to be done in the evening leaving the weekend free.

This thread has come at a good time for me. My ideal training post has just been advertised but I now realise it will almost certainly be 8-6 during the week instead of the 3 x 12 hour shifts I work now (with the benefit of NHS shift enhancements)

It's a great opportunity and if I only had myself to think about it would be perfect...but I'm a single Mum with 3 children (I have a fairly supportive ex and an amazing childminder) but it's tough to think I would never be there to pick them up from school AND we would have less money.

It's been interesting to hear about how other people manage.

I think a lot depends on your commute and your job too though Rainbows. We get up at 6 and leave at 7 so no housework in the morning. Manage the after school club pick up and get home just before 6 to do quick tea for DCs then usually they both have either homework or a club to be driven to/supervised. Dinner for us at 8 or 9 (again depending on clubs etc) often I have work to do at home after that, occasionally I manage to squeeze in 20mins exercise. one of us supervises showers and bedtime and the other tidies and clears dinner and makes lunches, honestly children just seem to eat time up! Bed hopefully at 11. Don't actually get a lunch break as if I take one I don't finish in time to get to pick up, can't use work internet for home things anyway and the 3/4G is rubbish. So yes, I find it hard to fit it all in. Try and catch up on weekends in between doing some 'fun' things.

DP has guests coming to stay at the weekend and I have no idea how I'll survive lookong after them as well

Ummm, they're your DP's guests, so he's looking after them, surely?

What is the housework & familywork divide between the two of you?

Yes it is tough is you are studying as well.

Tips:

Shoes off by the front door, keeps a lot if the dirt out ( not a habit I personally like but have succumbed to).

Ruthless prioritisation, what's important. Keeping your job, feeding the family, reasonable cleanliness, a bit of fun. That meant for me not ironing things that didn't need ironing and it's surprising what doesn't. Jettison your preconceptions. Reasonable cleanliness means clean loos and sinks daily but everything else weekly unless a disaster or small children, and daily clean clothes. Put the washing on overnight, hang it up at breakfast.

Food. The blessings of a slow cooker. Throw everything in at breakfast, switch on timer, miracle at supper time. Can do it three nights a week, with pasta, omelettes etc on the other days. I suggest you do it for guests too. A good chicken casserole is a thing of joy. Add baked potatoes, salad, ice cream with eg lychees or crystallised ginger if they are sophisticated or brownies and melted mars bar if not, happiness all round.

Weekends, Hoover and tidy garden, you need time in fresh air. Develop the concept if the Wild garden for some of it...

Good luck.

Don't forget, your friends, if they are friends, have come to see you, not go out to a restaurant. And if they are friends they will realise that you are busy. And most people don't care what they eat as long as it's basically nice, if they are with friends.

On the internet shopping, ok if you can't afford it, but the timr saved can be put to housework, gardening, or fun, or studying.

I don't ! I am Also tired and I barely socialise as it's too tiring (I do just manage it so I have down time )

Ok here is my tip

Plan very little for the weekend . We do sports in the week so we can chill at the weekend

Keep one weekend day free to catch up . Two socials at the weekend stresses me

Learnt to say NO as sanity over socializing

Go to bed early

Exercise

I am so tired that I have stopped smoking and cut down alcohol 🍺- I have to look after myself x

Muddy - i work 8-6 type hours - as a
Single Mum I would steer clear as
You are a bit chained to the place . Your 3 x 12 sounds good

Thanks for all your posts. I think this is more a case of getting used to it given that I seem to be doing alot less than some of you. I don't iron at all!

DS is mine from a previous relationship so I tend to take charge of sorting his dinner and homework while DP cooks for the two of us later. He will happily keep DS amused if I have errands to run but if I'm honest he doesn't help with any of the housework outwith cooking.

I'm the only one who can drive so I have to be responsible for getting everyone from A to B in the mornings and back again in the evening which does get tiring.

I have no flexibility at work- it opens at 9am and shuts at 5 and isnt the sort of job where you can take work home or work late to free up time later. It's also a physically and emotionally demanding job so I can feel quite drained without having time to recharge when I get home.

I want DP to help more but it's like talking to a brick wall and things just don't get done if I leave them to him. I think I made a rod for my own back by doing everything when I had the free days.

Studying will be a big part of my life for the next two years at least, and I don't want to give it up as it will allow me to double my earnings at the end of it and what's more, I enjoy it and have worked hard to get to this stage.

I wish I had somewhere to cut spending to get a cleaner or at the very least pay someone to go over the garden once a fortnight but I rarely socialise, don't drink, I cut my own hair, very rarely buy myself clothes or spend much on "treats". Even days out with DS are cheap and cheerful- local parks, beach etc that don't cost money.

I realise only a few weeks in it will probably get easier but its good to see how others manage things.

I've been doing this since January, and it's getting harder, not easier. 😕

Why isn't your partner sharing the housework and life as min with you?

What about if you don't just 'leave' it for your DP. What about if you write a list of the household chores then sit down with him quietly and tell him that now that you are working full time things have to change and that he needs to step up and do more. Tell him that you think that he and you need to divvy up the list. Put it in a way that he'll either need to agree or refuse. If he refuses to step up, you have bigger problems than just being tired.

Oh, and he needs to learn to drive. Living in the US, the 'non-driving-thing' is a puzzlement to me. I honestly don't know if I could have handled having to ferry my DH around. Even if you can't afford a second car, having two drivers makes things so much easier!

The key is not to sit down when you get in the door. Get in, get dinner started, do half an hour of housework, eat dinner, dishes, kids bedtime or whatever. Let yourself take a rest and you're done for.

However once you've sat down at 9pm or whatever time, wine helps

Why isn't your partner sharing the housework and life as min with you?

In my case because he is working away 2-3 days a week.

I've asked him for help and he just makes excuses or says no. Before it was because I was at home half the week, now it's because he earns more (less than £100 more).

He can't learn to drive for medical reasons and public transport here is pretty shite so I accept I have to suck that up for the most part.

I don't sit down until at least 7.30-8pm when we have dinner. Sitting down as soon as I get home just isn't an option!

I work FT but do Mon-Thus 8-5 and finish at 12.30 on a Friday. It feels as though I have a long weekend and I love it.
I do still struggle though. I do online shopping, but my house is a tip and it's getting me down. I don't have the energy to do anything about it though.

Your partner is a dick if he is like that.
Why are you happy to put up with a low standard of partner who won't pull his weight?

I'm not happy with it as such, but up until now it was the norm because I was at home all the time and I was fine with doing the Lion's share under those cirumstances because it left our weekends and evenings free to enjoy together.

I don't know how to press it without nagging.

Refuse to chauffeur him around until he agrees to do half of the chores

DH and I have found mornings are the key.

We are both up at 5am everyday. Studying/housework etc are all done first thing. Evenings are get kids sorted, cook (kids do homework at kitchen table while I cook) and eat dinner and crash on the lounge, in bed by 9pm mostly. DH is usually late in so eats his dinner on lounge while we hang out.

On weekends we now tend to still get up at 5am, get stuff done and then head back to bed for coffee together (kids are a bit older and sleep in).

Everything is 50/50 here with DH pulling his weight. No way could I manage my full time job, two kids and studying AND carry him. Would have no respect for him in that situation in any case.

Kids are also expected to chip in with stuff around the house, emptying dishwasher/putting clothes away etc.

9-5 sounds utterly depressing. id look for a job with better times, why would you want to waste your time being knackered and miserable.

Asking to be part of an equal partnership isn't 'nagging'. But it sounds to me as if he just doesn't feel it's his 'job' to help in which case 'nagging' won't do a damn thing.

Is this really something you want to live with for the next 30/40/50 years?

I'm a single parent, work full time Monday to Friday. It's hard. I shop on the way home for things we need mid-week/ I've forgotten. By the time I get home & cook me and my kid dinner I'm shattered. Now it's light out I'm feeling a bit better, but it's exhausting. The weekend is either spent doing errands and cleaning or with friends and family - but if the latter then how do I get housework done?

It's ridiculous. I'm fairly certain this state of affairs was not foreseen when women were agitating to get supposedly exciting jobs 45 years or so ago.

When my children were quite young, -5, 9, 10, and I was a sole parent, I worked in a boarding school as a head of department and boarding tutor. School hours were 8.15-5.00, with Saturday morning classes and Saturday pm sport. Compulsory chapel on Sunday morning. One evening a week on duty in house until 10.30. Basically 6 weeks on (and FULL-on), one week off, 6 weeks on, 3 weeks off. Three terms. The benefit was the school gave me accommodation and utilities, and covered 75% of school fees. I also had all summer with my kids.The downside was that I was so knackered that my hair fell out. I did it for 8 years, but can't imagine how tough it must be to do the relentless grind of 9-5 for 40 years. Or 50 years, as it will soon be.