To ask for tips on how to cope with dh and his mess?

[Sickofthemess]

There's 4 of us living in a 2 bed house. Me, dh, and 2 children one being a toddler. Dh and I are both working too.

We are quite tightly packed into our house despite me always having clear outs and trying my best to keep on top of things. We are in the process of trying to sell our house and move to a bigger place, but it's taking time and besides, although we'd have a third bedroom, we won't really have more space as such because our 2 bed is quite spacious and we have good storage here.

Me and dh have different ideas I guess about how we want to live and it's driving me mad. It's difficult because he probably does pull his weight in different ways, but we have different ideas and priorities.

For example dh leaves stuff lying around everywhere constantly, his paperwork, jumpers, receipts, bits of tools from work, if he gets anything out he never puts it back and our toddler is into everything. He blames his messiness on our house, but I don't see how us living in a 3 bed will make him put sellotape and scissors back.

He'd never ever think to clean anything like the bathroom, the fridge or wash the windows or change the bedding. If he wipes the kitchen worktpps he just goes over the middle bit and leaves all the crumbs and bits under the toaster and round the edges. Say he unloads the shopping, he won't clear out the fridge first or put older dates at the front, he will just cram it all in any old place, raw meat on top of salad and whatever else. If he 'tidies up' he doesn't really put anything away he just piles it all up on a worktop or something.

Today I wanted to get the house straight before the week, but dh prefers to go and wash the cars. In the process he's bought loads of crap into the house and cluttered up the hallway.

I've tried to compromise and accept that we are different, it's not like he lazes about because he doesn't, we just have way different ideas about what's clean and tidy.

We've had a silly row now because I said I wanted to have a bit of a clear up. Our downstairs toilet is full, like to the brim of stuff that needs going to the skip and he's just filled the hall with crap. Told me I'm crazy and laughed in my face because according to him the house is fine and there's no point cleaning it because it just gets dirty again.

Well, I have never been driven to post before, but I must be married to the same man as well. All your posts above X 1000! Keep everything in case it comes in useful..... a double garage that we have never put a car in because it is full of crap, every box that any new item came in kept because we might have to return it stored in said garage. Every odd screw and nail kept because he might need them, and then when he does do a bit of DIY, goes and buys a whole new lot of screws etc., never looks through stored stuff to see if he can use it. Bits of wood from DIY, broken useless plumbing parts from when he has repaired our loos - stored in the garage. Brewing and wine-making stuff from the 1970s, not made wine or beer since then. Man basket in the kitchen, which he doesn't use, I put his stuff in it and clear out every now and then, he doesn't notice. Same with clothes - he'd want to keep his favourite old sweaters full of holes from 40 years ago. Every old VHS recording tape kept, except they're not.....he's not yet realised they're gone.....! Half a dozen old computers in the garage.....I could go on. And we've been married 45 years....His mantra? It might come in useful one day...

Just thought of another - bagged up all of DS old clothes & toys, labelled, ready to go in the loft. (ExpectI got another so theres a reason I'm not just giving them away) He insisted on doing it....they've been in the spare room for 2 months. FFS.

Have you got a loft? If so just pack things away and label your boxes. Obviously only pack things that you will not use.

That way you are tidying up and also packing things ... killing two birds with one stone

Buy a supermarket bag for life. Tidy all the crap in there. When it's full, move it to the garage & buy a new one. Repeat

Fantastic WELOVE but what happens when he can't find stuff which is in bag in garage do you tell him? Won't he get cross?

I usually have a bag for life on the go, so if he wants something that was sitting on the table recently, he knows where to look. If he's looking for something older, I'll suggest it may be in the garage. I wouldn't put something important in those bags eg passport, but for day to day clutter, it works well.

Thanks WELOVE just going to get my Bagfor life and start clearing his stuff