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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU play golf anyway?

39 replies

Dentistlakes · 07/05/2017 12:06

DH had a haemarrhoidectomy earlier this week. He's been in significant pain on and off since then, especially after having a poo following which he has to spend up to an hour in the bath cut to the pain. He has various pain killers but is trying to avoid the most hard core ones as they cause constipation.

I played golf (a medal at my club on Monday) and have been in work since then. I had the kids (6 and 9) most of yesterday. I have had another golf thing with mum's from school today (lunch and then a round so our all afternoon since 6'ish). This has been arranged for weeks. I took both boys out for their various activities this morning.

DH was in tears with pain before I left this morning and I returned at around 11.30 to find him in he bath. I was putting shopping away. He went straight into our bedroom and was hunched over the bed in pain, crying. I asked him if he had taken a stronger painkiller and he said he had. I patted him on the back to comfort him but he asked me to stop. I had to leave to get to lunch on time so I said goodbye to my children playing in the back garden and left.

Now I'm feeling a bit guilty about leaving. DH suggested this morning he would prefer me not to go, but the teams have already been set up (based on handicaps etc) and I don't want to let the other players down).

WIBU to leave him.?

OP posts:
Ginmakesitallok · 07/05/2017 12:09

Yes ywbveryu. Your poor dp- but is this a reverse?

scaryteacher · 07/05/2017 12:10

YABU, especially especially if your kids need something whilst you are playing, or there is an emergency with your dh.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 07/05/2017 12:10

YWBVU. Why couldn't you put it off? Would you expect him to put something off if you were in severe pain?

Pinkheart5917 · 07/05/2017 12:11

So your dh is in that much pain his actually crying, and you want to play golf leaving him in pain with two dc

I wouldn't leave my dh in those circumstances & I'm pretty sure he wouldn't leave me either.

It's a shame your be letting down other players but given the circumstances they will understand

Pinkheart5917 · 07/05/2017 12:13

So yes yabu

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 07/05/2017 12:13

Is this a reverse?

MelbourneClown03 · 07/05/2017 12:15

YABVU
Sod the golf mums. Your husband needs you! I would be so upset if my DP did this to me as he would be with me.

Jengnr · 07/05/2017 12:17

What a horrible thing to do. YABVU

PerpendicularVincent · 07/05/2017 12:18

YABVU to leave your DH crying in pain to play golf.

If this is a reverse, DH is an arsehole. Who does that?

Mu123 · 07/05/2017 12:18

What a dick!!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/05/2017 12:18

Bloody hell what a horrible thing to do. Hopefully once he's better he can get everything in place for a divorce as you clearly don't like him very much.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/05/2017 12:19

Thing is, if you'd stayed, what could you actually do? 6&9 years old don't require any looking after. Unless they do, in which case you should have stayed. But he shrugged off your sympathy, so can't want that. So really you'd be sat there twiddling your thumbs pointlessly.

JennyHolzersGhost · 07/05/2017 12:20

This is quite clearly a reverse, right ?

Original poster
Dentistlakes · 07/05/2017 12:20

Yes this is a reverse. I wanted to see what the reaction would be if a woman did the same.

The facts are identical. I asked him not to go this morning and he went anyway. I'm in pain pretty much constantly, although it's generally been manageable. This morning I have had to poo 3 times which has been excruciating and have had to sit in the bath to manage it. Painkillers of any description are not touching it. I'm no woose, but it's he only time I have cried with pain apart from when I was in labour.

I can't believe he just went anyway. I'm so disappointed in him.

So now I have to boys running riot around me for the next 6 hours whilst he has lunch and plays a round.

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 07/05/2017 12:20

This has to be a wind up, surely?! Shock

fourcorneredcircle · 07/05/2017 12:20

Either you're an uncaring arsehole...
Or this is a reverse and your DH is an uncaring arsehole.

What sort of adult does this?!

PlaymobilPirate · 07/05/2017 12:20

Unbelievably unreasonable - I'd seriously consider ending a relationship with someone who put golf before me if I was crying in pain

JennyHolzersGhost · 07/05/2017 12:26

Awful. What a tit. So sorry you're in pain OP Flowers
Do you have anyone you can call - family, friends, neighbours - who would take the boys off your hands for a few hours or come and sit with them so you aren't on duty, at least ?
If the pain is that bad perhaps you need to consider going to A&E so you could really do with some help with the kids.

FedUpWithBriiiiiick · 07/05/2017 12:29

He's a selfish prick, OP. When you have recovered, kick him the fuck out.

If you are in lots of pain, please go to a&e. Flowers

PerpendicularVincent · 07/05/2017 12:30

What a twat. Him, not you. Can you call anyone to help out so you can rest?

Original poster
Dentistlakes · 07/05/2017 12:35

Thanks Jenny. My IL's are on holiday and neighbours are out. TBH, I'm so ashamed of him I don't want anyone to know. I know if I told my mother she would be on the first train up here with a hatchet to finish him off!

I have considered A&E, but the consultant told me to be prepared for significant pain so I'm not sure if his is out of the ordinary or not. It's excruciating during and about an hour after pooing which sadly I seem to be needing to do quite frequently right now. When it calms down it's manageable if I take tramadol.

OP posts:
JennyHolzersGhost · 07/05/2017 12:38

Don't cover up for him OP. Please call a friend or someone. You shouldn't have to cope with the kids as well as the pain.

Shodan · 07/05/2017 12:38

Fucking golf (apologies to those who enjoy it).

I had exactly this with STBXH. Nothing, but nothing, was allowed to come between him and his precious fucking games of golf.

Once I was so ill I had the temerity to tell him he'd have to sack his game off (the only time in 12 years together, of regular golf fixtures) and he shouted at me, demanding to know how I could be so bloody rude- and he went anyway.

Sorry for the swearing, but the attitude he and your H display over what is just a bloody game drives me insane.

And yes, it was a factor in me leaving him.

I hope you feel better soon Dentistlakes. The only solution I can offer is to ditch the H (not helpful I know).

arethereanyleftatall · 07/05/2017 12:40

From a practical point of view, what do you actually want/need him to do?
Is there anything he could actually do to make you feel better?
I do have sympathy for you btw, it sounds horrendous, I'm just trying to see it from his pov.

Donthate · 07/05/2017 12:43

She want some him to look after the DC I would imagine!

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