AIBU play golf anyway?

[Dentistlakes]

DH had a haemarrhoidectomy earlier this week. He's been in significant pain on and off since then, especially after having a poo following which he has to spend up to an hour in the bath cut to the pain. He has various pain killers but is trying to avoid the most hard core ones as they cause constipation.

I played golf (a medal at my club on Monday) and have been in work since then. I had the kids (6 and 9) most of yesterday. I have had another golf thing with mum's from school today (lunch and then a round so our all afternoon since 6'ish). This has been arranged for weeks. I took both boys out for their various activities this morning.

DH was in tears with pain before I left this morning and I returned at around 11.30 to find him in he bath. I was putting shopping away. He went straight into our bedroom and was hunched over the bed in pain, crying. I asked him if he had taken a stronger painkiller and he said he had. I patted him on the back to comfort him but he asked me to stop. I had to leave to get to lunch on time so I said goodbye to my children playing in the back garden and left.

Now I'm feeling a bit guilty about leaving. DH suggested this morning he would prefer me not to go, but the teams have already been set up (based on handicaps etc) and I don't want to let the other players down).

WIBU to leave him.?

He could take the boys out, do the washinf, hoovering, ironing, change the sheets (since they are covered in my blood and I haven't been able to do it yet today), make me a cup of tea, drive DS1 to swim training (since I can't now I have had to take tramadol)...there's lots he could do. Or, he could just be here because that's the right thing to do when someone you love is in pain.

I agree Shodan. Golf seems to attract more than it's fair share of selfish assholes.

I think you need to ask him to come home. He should never have left you.

Oh and to show a good example to his sons so they don't turn out into selfish assholes like him!

That's fair enough then. Yanbu. If you'll now have to do all that hw and activity stuff instead, that's really shit of him.
If it was a case of you just lying on the sofa whether he played golf or not, I could see his side.
Donthate - I recognise all dc are different but my experience of those ages are that they don't need any looking after.

From a practical point of view, what do you actually want/need him to do?

Not leave his wife crying in pain ALONE
Not leave his in pain wife with 2 dc to look after ALONE
Not put golf above his wife when she's struggling with such pain

Maybe he couldn't do much to make op "feel better" but I'm sure not having to worry about her dc because the dad was there would be a help to her

See it from his point of view 😂😂 his a selfish bastard

I think you need to ask him to come home.

I agree Crabbit- but if Dentist's H's club is anything like any of the ones STBXH plays for, mobile phones are only permitted to be carried on the course if they're off or silenced. And pound to a penny the kind of man who will leave his crying, pain-ridden wife to hit a little white ball into a hole will not check his phone to see if he might be needed.

(I also had this- H had taken my car to golf as his was in the garage and there was a medical emergency that required me to get DS2 to the hospital urgently. I rang, left messages, texts etc to no avail and had to call out the PILs to take us in the end. H turned up as ds2 had just finished being x-rayed and I then had him AND his pompous, golf-playing father lecturing me about 'The Roolz' of golf and how one must obey them at all times...)

I may still be a tad resentful.

His phone is off Crabbitstick (club rule). I could get him called off the course but that would be embarrassing, although perhaps that would be what he deserves.

Is he home now OP? How are you feeling?

He got home about half an hour ago Just. I'm not in so much pain as i've taken another couple of tramadol, but dreading my next trip to the loo. Kids at school tomorrow so that will be a lot easier. Down to my last 2 tramadol though and don't know if my GP will prescribe any more. Hopefully they will or some alternative. Don't think I could get through the next few days without.

DH not remotely apologetic. Didn't expect him to be tbh. I'm planning on getting my revenge next time he's ill, but knowing me I'll nurse him as I always do. I simply couldn't leave him uncomfortable or in pain. It's not in my nature and it's awful for the boys to see parents being mean and uncaring towards each other.

Oh OP. Don't think revenge, think LTFFFFB

If he can treat you like this when you really need him op, then you've got real problems and this is just showing it. Only an arsehole would leave their dp at home alone.

YANBU
Why do golf players get so fucking obsessed with golf to the exclusion of normal life?
It's not like it's even a fun game.

Hope you're in less pain today OP.

He is a twat. Call someone who can support you if he won't.

For the op who asked what he can do presumably dealing with the kids would be the main thing so the op could you know rest sleep and recover.