Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Co- sleeping

61 replies

Happyhappyveggie · 06/05/2017 20:39

My DC's co- sleep with me & DP quite a lot. I've never really thought much of it until someone I know was utterly scathing about kids sleeping in bed with parents, saying it was totally unhealthy. Our house is a bit like musical beds at times - DD 5 sleeps with me a lot and DS 9 will still want to come in maybe once a week. It seems to make them feel reassured and I always took the view that it won't last forever and they will grow out of it- which DS 9 is currently doing.
Aibu to worry about it? I just have always had a laid back view on it. Another friend said she lets her DS 10 still sleep with her occasionally if he wants to but it's rare.
The other woman who was scathing was very against it from all viewpoints saying it made kids dependent and was weird and unhealthy- I never thought it was weird and know lots of people whose kids still want to sleep in the bed with them.

OP posts:

fflonkl · 06/05/2017 22:58

Freezingwinter until I had my DDs I too slept with my mum if I went to visit her on my own without DH (I had DD1 at 38!).

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/05/2017 23:00

Yes sharing beds with squirmy radiator kids is not my idea of nice.

I struggle to sleep with dp half the time let alone have someone's elbow in my eye or foot in my arse the other side of me

Don't think.that makes me weird

usernjdhkvdgkb · 06/05/2017 23:03

Personally I'm with Giles, my idea of hell sharing a bed with wriggling kids but if it works for you and your family then that's ok that matters

heyhayheigh · 06/05/2017 23:07

I am so jealous. DD has never wanted to sleep with us. Snuggle those babies while you can.

Ha my dd is he same, I used to bring her into our bed if she was unsettled with teething or whatever and it made no difference, she likes her space.

stonecircle · 06/05/2017 23:10

All 3 of my babies slept in bed with me and DH. When they were all little we had a single bed alongside our bed for the overflow as, however we started off the night, we'd end up all 5 of us sleeping together.

As they got older DH or I would occasionally hop in with an older dc if a younger dc had joined us through the night. But I think we stopped getting in with older dcs when they were about 9 or 10.

When I was in my teens I used to love it if my dad was on night shift as it meant I could sleep with my mum - loved it. (Writing that made me gulp as she died last year in her 90s but I can still remember snuggling up to her in her m&s nighty )

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 06/05/2017 23:11

There are very few feelings as special as the one you get when your baby wakes up, sees you and gives a sleepy grin before snuggling into you.

Areyoufree · 06/05/2017 23:11

I was adamant that my kids would sleep in their own beds. I judged parents who said their kids slept in with them - I secretly thought they just hadn't worked hard enough to get their children to stay in their own beds. Then my children were born. We're doing well to get three nights in a row without one of the little buggers crawling in with us. Sigh.

silkpyjamasallday · 06/05/2017 23:17

The way I see it, animals wouldn't sleep apart from their babies so I think it is entirely natural and it is only in relatively recent history that it has not been commonplace. If it comforts the child, everyone is sleeping well and your relationship with a partner doesn't suffer I don't see the problem. I didn't think I would love it but I do, and I won't object if DD wants to cosleep when she is older unless she continues to starfish as it's already annoying at 2'2"

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 06/05/2017 23:18

Human's are weird in that they sleep separately from their families, most animals do not. My kids outgrew co-sleeping in their own time (was strange on the first morning to wake and not find daughter had crept in during night, so much so I got up to check she was okay). I used to crawl into my Mum and Dad's bed when I was little too.

Keep doing what works for you OP, ignore your friend - I'd say it's weird to think co-sleeping's weird.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/05/2017 23:21

I.must have been a bug in a previous life.

I find the idea of eating the male after mating and returning to a nice peaceful solitary life more appealing than living in a nest sleeping with a butt in my face

Bambambini · 06/05/2017 23:21

Sod it. 15 years on and we are still playing musical beds. Every night is an adventure going upstairs and wondering where you're going to end up sleeping.

Notso · 06/05/2017 23:22

You can't imagine a lot worse than sleeping cuddled up to your child?

Cuddled up is the ideal and lasts for about twenty minutes in my experience. The reality is I get kicked in the minge, elbowed in the face, told off for breathing too loud, then lie there wide awake either in the middle and too hot or on a centimetre strip at the end of the bed and freezing.

Ellisandra · 06/05/2017 23:23

My 8yo has her legs slung over my stomach right now.

I'm divorced, and prior to that worked away regularly. She doesn't cosleeping with her dad at all. With me, she does at home, but not if there's a better offer - like a sleepover, or her cousins staying. Also in our camper van she loves her own roof space.

People who say cosleepers are dependent are talking total arse! If anything, I bet it's cosleepers who feel they have a secure base to return to who are MORE independent!

Do what suits you and your child, end of.

TheABC · 06/05/2017 23:23

I am snuggling DD (11 months) as I type this. And DS has his own room, but still comes in for cuddles.

Definitely not weird.

Maryann1975 · 06/05/2017 23:35

We had some bad news really close to dd (11) bed time a few weeks ago, she was upset, I told her she could sleep in my bed with me that night. Helped her sleep and not be so upset. I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks.
All the dc know they can come and get in with us shouldthey be upset (I don't remember the last time this happened) in the night or as with dd2 they have a wet bed. I'm far too lazy to sort wet beds in the middle of the night.
They all seem to know they stand a better chance of being allowed to stay in the bed if there is only one adult in it (when dh is on nights). 3 in a bed is a bit of a squeeze and they don't tend to settle to sleep so well If They are squashed.

Despite them sleeeping in with us often as babies/youngsters we don't seem to have any problems in them sleeping in their own beds now so I believe they grow out of it in their own time.

BlueChairs · 06/05/2017 23:40

I was raised when co-sleeping didn't have a name but if I was I'll, upset, scared etc then my parents let me in with them. I love my parents and needed them in that moment - I am a successful and affectionate adult. Don't let the haters get you down

haveacupoftea · 07/05/2017 00:31

It's your life OP, co sleeping isn't for me, it might be for you but you can't expect everyone to agree with it. Presumably you put forward your reasons why the other parent in the conversation was wrong not to co sleep?

HerBluebiro · 07/05/2017 13:07

Correlation or causation?

Chimps wean around the age of 3 or 4. Except in some cases they continue to 7. They continue to 7 in chimps showing signs of anxiety because it soothes them. Noone is saying those late weaning (in the American sense of the word. Stopping breast feeding rather than introducing solids) chimps are anxious because their mother weans them later, but that the late weaning is a reaction to the child's anxiety. But in humans we say the mother is causing the anxiety rather than reacting to it.

Same idea with cosleep ing. There is a western ideal of individualism. We should be complete and whole in ourselves. We shouldn't need anyone else. Any need for human contact should be discouraged from an early age.

That's not the sort of adults I want my children to become. I believe the best way to raise emotionally mature adults is to attend to their emotional needs as a child. So those who need parental contact at night should be given it. Those who need their space should be given it.

The parents should also be careful to attend to their own needs - for adult only contact. For time on their own. For space. For sleep. For sex. For companionship with adults other than your partner. But cosleeping doesn't prohibit all that.

AudreyBradshaw · 07/05/2017 13:16

I'm so pleased. I'm currently bed sharing with our 5 month old and love it! My DM keeps saying I'm making a rod for my own back, but now I have loads of actual evidence that I can parrot out about how it's healthy and anxiety reducing!

OfficiallyUnofficial · 07/05/2017 13:18

Sometimes my bed feels like a pile of puppies

Don't worry about it as long as you and your DH are happy.

glitterglitters · 07/05/2017 13:22

My dm is no longer with us but, if she was, I could hand on heart say at almost 32 years old I would still climb into her bed and I have done with my dsis on numerous occasions who is in her 40s.

We have a biological urge to be close to those we care about. To the op you should ask the scathing lady if she sleeps in the same bed as her Dh or dp and do you think that makes her "weird".

You cuddle your kids as much as you like and as long as everybody is happy, and doesn't feel they "have to" nothing bad is going to come of it. ❤️❤️❤️

GreenHairDontCare · 07/05/2017 13:24

Proud owners of a cosleeping 5yo here. We've just been away for the weekend without the kids and while it was lovely, it was weird to wake up without him.

Dh went away for the weekend recently and all three kids (ds1 is 14 and DD is 13) and the dog all slept in with me. It was awesome

Trifleorbust · 07/05/2017 13:26

Happy for my baby to sleep in with me but I wouldn't be thrilled if it was still a regular thing once she was out of the toddler stage. It seems normal for me for them to want their own beds by then.

daddyorscience · 07/05/2017 13:39

I was introduced to co-sleeping by my ex, who insisted the babies be in with us. We all slept better for it. Now, DD is 7, DS is 5, and me and their mum have separated.

She no longer co-sleeps, and is married. When the kids are with me, we still co-sleep. They find it reassuring and comforting, even 3 years on.

Apart from the occasional foot to the groin/roll over arm slap across the face (which just reminds me of their mother, haha!), We all sleep brilliantly.

I see no harm in it, and if anyone has issues with it, well... They're not my issues.

m0therofdragons · 07/05/2017 13:44

I've often thought my dc would be happier if I just filled my big bedroom with mattresses for everyone to pile into. If I'm upset I snuggle up to dh so for me it makes total sense if my dd is sad I'd snuggle with her. Dd1 and dd2 often share a bed at weekends and sometimes all 3 go in one bed. Do what works for you and your dc. Making a 9 yo share with you is odd imo but when my 9yo had chickenpox I didn't think twice about her being in my bed.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread