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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ask him to leave

74 replies

rosgirl · 06/05/2017 20:05

I feel so silly complaining but I honestly don't think I can stay with him for much longer. he works full time but will not pay bills, pay for food or help at all. he won't watch the children and has to lie in everyday he isnt working even if I've been up all night ( like every night this week ). He believes its women's work at honestly will not lift a finger. Today we celebrated dd 6th birthday and he didn't get out of bed until he had to go to work, now he's walked in and when she told him its her birthday said "oh is it" then dropped it. Complained he's tired and is expecting his dinner. Aibu to ask him to f* off or am I just over tired and irrational!??

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 06/05/2017 20:37

I'm done tbh but I don't think I can put the kids through another break up after their dad attacked me and we left

So you are happy to have your DC growing up seeing this behaviour and thinking it's acceptable?

That would be failing your kids.

Breaking up with someone who isn't right for you nor your kids isn't failing.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/05/2017 20:37

LTB

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2017 20:39

Your kids are going to grow up thinking this is normal. He sounds an awful waste of space. Get rid. You'd be better off without him because you wouldn't be doing all the other "women's work" of washing and ironing his crap and cooking his dinner, which I bet you do. Pack his bags and chuck them out the front.

Kidakidder · 06/05/2017 20:39

You start your post with I feel so silly complaining. What made you say that?

MusicToMyEars800 · 06/05/2017 20:40

get rid, get rid, get rid!!! You deserve so much better OP. Flowers

EweAreHere · 06/05/2017 20:40

You're not putting your kids through anything, other than picking inserting someone into their lives who doesn't belong there.

Get rid. Show them not to put up with crap like this in relationships when they're older.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 06/05/2017 20:40

Think about it. .
Will your dc really resent you leaving?
Or resent you for staying?
No brainer.

Original poster
rosgirl · 06/05/2017 20:42

I know all this, I suppose posting is me cementing the fact its over, I don't love him, I can't with this behaviour, I think he knows this too. Thanx for opinions. I've been a single mum I can do it easily and the way things are I already am. Time to cut ties I do believe

OP posts:
Astro55 · 06/05/2017 20:43

Good! Do it while you feel strong

sonjadog · 06/05/2017 20:43

He sounds awful. I can´t see any reason why you wouldn´t break up with him. Is he actually enhancing your or your children´s lives in any way? It sounds like you would all be fine, if not better off, without him!

Chewbecca · 06/05/2017 20:45

You haven't given any reasons at all to be with him but loads to not.

HappyFlappy · 06/05/2017 20:45

Don't inflict this sorry apology for a husband and father on your children even if you are prepared to tolerate it yourself.

I'm sure you don't really want your DD to grow to womanhood thinking that this s the acceptable way for a woman to be treated. You did a tremendously courageous thing in leaving your violent partner - if you can do it once, you can do it twice. It tells your wanker of a partner that you're not there for him to live off, it tells your daughter that if a bloke treats you like sh!t then you walk out and leave him to it, and it teaches your DS that women are entitled to respect and consideration.

And if he isn't paying bills, chuck him out - or if he's on the lease, don't feed him, do his washing - anything!

RandomMess · 06/05/2017 20:46

At least when you split he'll have to hand over the CMS assessed amount and it will be one less mouth to feed!

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2017 20:48

What a cocklodger, get rid now!

HappyFlappy · 06/05/2017 20:48

And yes - YABU to ask him to leave,

The reasonable thing to do would be to TELL him to leave.

When he goes to work, change the locks, pack his stuff and leave it outside for him.

Lisa9819 · 06/05/2017 20:49

Get rid of him NOW. My mom dated and had live in boyfriends like this when I grew up. They were also special kinds of a holes. My first boyfriend ended up being severely abusive and tried to kill me when I left at 18. Not to scare you, but your kids will consciously or unconsciously follow after your choices as we their moms show them how it is ok to be treated. Yours does not sound abusive yet, but with him withholding any financial support it sounds like he very well on his way. That's how all my "step-dads" started out- mooching off my mom. She was/is clearly a codependent.

My mom and I have an ok relationship today, but I will never have the same kind of respect for her again after all she put us through as kids. She cries how sorry she is about our entire childhood today, but never did anything when it actually counted. Don't put yourself in that position.

honeylulu · 06/05/2017 20:53

Why NOT kick him out?
What's the point of him? Doesn't provide, doesn't do domestic duties/ childcare, isn't even a nice person!

Original poster
rosgirl · 06/05/2017 20:54

I suppose this will be the second failed relationship and I might be over thinking the situation just wanted to clarify my feelings

OP posts:
Original poster
rosgirl · 06/05/2017 20:55

I'd hate my DC to hate me for this, time to vote with my feet

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 06/05/2017 20:56

They all fail except the last one! For everyone.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2017 20:57

Doesent matter, he brings nothing to the relationship. Tell him it's over.

Astro55 · 06/05/2017 20:58

And he'll have the clean Juan own house!! And cook and wash pay bills etc ... what are you waiting for

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2017 20:59

So it's the second failed relationship. Time to regroup and just be the three of you. Once you've had some time without a "man", perhaps it would be worth exploring why you attract such dicks.

seven201 · 06/05/2017 21:00

You and your children deserve better. Start prepping for leaving. Flowers

RJnomore1 · 06/05/2017 21:02

Love I've seen this a lot on here. Women leave a violent man and then find someone who doesn't hit them but is just as abusive I other ways and think it's an improvement. I've seen people liken it to moving from a level 10 bastard to a level 7 one.

You're not alone.

Your eyes are open now though and you and your kids deserve live without any level of bastard in it. Do what you have to do. 💐