To not understand what autism is?

[Chocolatemakesmyheartsing]

I am posting here for a bit of traffic and to possibly gain a little more understanding of autism and it's signs and symptoms.

I have 6 year old Dts who are both very happy and bright in their own ways, dts2 has always been a bit behind dts1 in everything walking,talking etc....They're now in year 1 and dts1 is flying through excellent with reading/writing and seems to have good friends, he behaves impeccably at school and I've never had a bad report about him, but when he's at home he's a different child, very clingy anxious has outbursts of anger very similar to that of a toddler tantrum when he's asked to do anything he doesn't want to do

Lately he's been having really bad headaches and has had a major one today which resulted in me taking him to a&e, the doctors there think it could be physiological and caused by stress so is going to refer us back to our gp with the recommendation that he sees a physiologist, but I think there is more to it than that.
With regards to dts2 he has had some major difficulty with reading and writing and has been receiving extra help at school with this.

Yesterday I went in to see his reading teacher who was previously a senco and she said that she believes he may be on the spectrum but didn't really explain to me why she believes this, as I have not noticed any behavioural issues he may have other than the usual 6 year old boy pushing his boundaries, he is a very placid easy child compared to his brother who's only real passion is dinosaurs.

So aibu to ask for some help in recognising some of the many symptoms as what dts2 teacher has said has worried me that I've been overlooking him because I'm having to deal with dts1.

I have a son, now 25, diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 18. It was a slightly long and tortuous road for us, for various reasons, but mostly because we moved around a lot (not by choice) and so were forever having to start again somewhere with schools, services etc from scratch. Anyway, he was initially diagnosed with Semantic Pragmatic Disorder (which is also on the spectrum), recognised by traits such as taking language literally (eg: if the teacher at school says "would you like to pick up that piece of paper for me?" In his mind you have asked a question, and he will answer honestly "no", and of course get into trouble..Not understanding that what the teacher is actually doing is telling him to pick the paper up)..and also obsessive play - he used to line up all his Thomas the Tank engines in a row and go up and down the row making sure that they all faced the same way. It's a very different way of thinking..I would recommend looking up Professor Luke Beardon on the net and listening to some of his stuff (he is contactable too, also on Twitter, and will answer)..he has Aspergers himself and I found him enormously helpful.

I am quite shocked that a teacher tried to give you a diagnosis. We are not qualified to say something like that to a parent. To be honest, I've found that it is usually quite obvious to me if a child appears to be on the spectrum, as obviously they are around lots of other children the same age to compare to, we get to know them very well and I have taught lots of children with autism. HOWEVER, the furthest I would ever go with a parent is to say I have concerns about the way that they are interacting with the other children i.e. not engaging fully, or I'm concerned about their emotional responses to situations etc. We can help to involve outside professionals to address specific concerns that are having an effect on the child's learning or wellbeing but it is definitely not appropriate to start naming conditions.

That's exactly what she said Emeraude
"His emotional response to getting an answer correct was that of a child who is on the spectrum"
Now I've been watching them all weekend and even with my untrained eye can say with maybe 90% positivity that dts2 doesn't have many signs of being on the spectrum apart from problems with food textures,
But I can definitely see them in dts1 who has more than one of the things which have been described to me on here.

"His emotional response to getting an answer correct was that of a child who is on the spectrum"

I don't understand this, what was his reaction? To getting an answer correct or wrong?

Apparently he didn't get enough.

Sorry I don't know what happend there, apparently he got something right in regards to his word formation she praised him but he didn't get excited like all the other children do and was very cool and calm about.

Okay - the teacher was massively out of line. Even if she had masses of experience she should never say someone could be on the spectrum, as she is in no way qualified. I have had a Psychologist with lots of experience in ASD who only suggested my DD might benefit from being assessed for ASD, he wouldn't have said anything stronger until all the diagnostic criteria had been performed.
Second - start to keep a notebook, to remind yourself of the little quirks in behaviour your DTs show. It will help with the diagnostic criteria, and will help to build a fuller picture. Also it will help you mention everything that could be relevant - so if you don't get a diagnosis you won't keep wondering about a little quirk that you forgot about.

Third ASD children can be: withdrawn or outgoing, give good eye contact or avoid looking at you, violent or freeze or run away, seemingly fabulous language or no language and anywhere in between. Some of the easiest children in the classroom can be Autistic as can some of the most challenging.

Fourth if one twin is on the spectrum then it is likely/possible the other is too, becoming highly likely if they are identical.

My daughter has aspergers and no one can believe it as she doesnt present how you would expect. Does he have any quirky at home about smell or food?

chocolate I teach children with ASD. Most of them who are aware of their ability to achieve, get excited about a correct answer. Im not sure thus teacher has much experience if that's what she's basing the conjecture of asd on.

Thank you op for starting this thread. I have been thinking about this for the past couple of days. When you started the thread, I clicked hoping to see something simpler between Dd and Dh. Am having isssues with Dd 3 and half years at the moment. On the list posted I counted about ten of the things on the list even though some are debatable.
What shocked me was that it was more relatable to me and it's what I manage really well. Which mask it and I don't even think about.

Take for example putting on clothes. I really hate doing it. I thought I was lazy because it used to stop me going out even though I love being out. What is do is get dressed first thing in the morning. I practically force my self to do so. Once that's done. I practically do anything that needs to be done outside the house.
The other is food. I only ate peanut butter and honey when little. I remember being about 3,4,5,6, and my grand pulling her hair out because I didn't eat. I was skinny. I just hated the state of food. I hate cold cooked food. It's something I didn't eat. Freezing salad is disgusting.
I have always had people comment about my eyes. Almost all by people I have just met. It's always been negative and it's something I am unaware of when it happen. I have learnt to open to focus on my eyes and how it would appear to the new people I meet. Keeping a stern face to avoid any flicking.
I would be appreciative of what someone has done and yet people would question why I don't look happy about the thing. That always puzzled me. Am exited.
The famous saying when i was little. "That is a dump stupid thing to do for such a clever shield" book smart but not street smart. I have made sure I tackle this and to be street smart. I don't know how that fairs now with the amount of effort I have put into being street smart.

Dd does not like tuition change. She will scream the roof down if she does kit have her bath then book reading before bed. We can't skip routine unless I can offer a good reason.
She has eaten easy cook paster for the last one year every evening. Lunch we have varieties. Breakfast has been the same too.

Her teachers told me about how fascinated she is with number a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know what to think. Your post made me question whether that was a hint from them.
She is obsessed with smells. It has to be identified before she can shut up about about. It's draining.

Overall she is a happy child who is ok playing with other children. Has lots of friends. Very talkative and has no fear.

Talking of fear, I never scream on rollercoasters. I went to Thorpe park years ago with my friends. I was not scared at all. I was sitting there feeling bored while watching us go up and down. My friends came out scared at my reaction and could not believe it.