Problem Neighbour thinks we're the problem!

[SnowInNovember]

DH and I have moved into a housing association property (ground floor flat) with our 10 week old DD and dog.

Our next door neighbour approached me in the local shop and said 'I hear you've met (let's call her) Sally'. I didn't have a clue what she meant and she proceeded to tell me that Sally (the person in the flat directly above us) had told her she had shouted at me in the street! I was baffled by this as no one has done anything if the sort and I don't know Sally at all!

Since then I have received messages on Facebook messenger from Sally on a few occasions that have been 'nicey nicey' about her not wanting to be a nuisance but can we please stop slamming doors/talking loudly/banging cupboards. The walls are thin and I apologised on each occasion for disturbing her, even though I know we don't make that much noise and have previously lived in properties with thin walls with no issues.

We made a huge effort not to make a noise as I was getting quite anxious about it and after 8pm pretty much tiptoed around the flat, I couldn't relax. We're not noisy people (we'd be waking DD if we made the amount of noise she's claiming to be disturbed by!)

Tonight I broke a glass by accident and the dog nearly trod on it, DH luckily saw and said 'no' loudly before he hurt himself. Next thing we know there's a massive banging on the ceiling, so loud it woke DD and started the dog off barking which he very rarely does! Sally then messages me saying she's reported us to the HA for the noise as it's 'beyond a joke' and that we 'obviously don't care' despite all of my previous messages apologising/trying to be nice.

Spoke to the previous tenants who said they had the same problem (they had 2 small children) and said she banged nearly every night at then.

Should I report her to the HA? Do something else? DH made me take screenshots of all the messages and block her. I just can't relax at home and am worried especially by what the other neighbour said, as Sally is obviously the kind of person who goes around shouting st others (I hate confrontation!)

Yep, I'd report it.

Definitely report, keep a record and nip that shit in the bud!

Yes report and stop stressing about being abnormally quiet during normal waking hours. You are equally entitled as her to enjoy your living space and use it as you choose. Everytime she bashes make a note of the day and time, and if she confronts you in the street ignore and walk away. Don't give her the satisfaction or fuel of an arguement. If she becomes verbally abusive or threatning contact the police for advice. Good luck.

Report her.

She is unreasonable and clearly the problem, not you.

Keep a record.

Yeah record and report all incidents. You can report that she's harassing you with constant banging etc and waking up your DD and making allegations about noise etc that isn't justified. If she's a serial complainer, they'll know all about her. And keep a log of all incidents. My DD lives in a HA property and they've been great over issues with her neighbour. You can't tiptoe around your home with a young baby fgs and her complaints may get worse as your DD gets older so I'd start as you mean to go on. And make sure she can't contact you on any form of social media.

Report her. We have a downstairs neighbour like this and the HA officially branded him a nuisance.

Definitely block them all on social media if they want to contact you tell them to put it in writing through the HA and you'll get back to them within 10 working days. They won't bother.

We have been on both sides a noise disputes. We had one neighbour who once called the police because we were vacuming the stairs! Having also lived above someone very noisey, if she complains you are noisey the council will send someone independant out to listen and judge if the noise you make is unaceltable, they will tell her if they think its normal noise of not. You will probably get a standard letter telling you there has been a noise complaint, don't worry about it. There should be details of who to call to speak to someone about it on the letter.

My neighbour was a 'bang on the wall' lady. Complained about the slightest noise after 7pm. Even though I disagreed that we were excessively noisy, I've done everything to accommodate her - I even swapped rooms with ds so there was less noise along the party wall, now I have the smallest room.

The last straw was when she knocked at my door at 10:30 pm in the October half term - saying she'd had enough of the noise my dc had been making all day and night, that they'd kept her from relaxing and she was about to call the HA and report me.

The DC were at their grandparents house in London for the holidays and had been all week whilst I was working.

I called her out and said that if she didn't stop harassing me then I would be the one reporting her, but to the police. Since then she's surprisingly not complained at all.

Yes report her and offer to have noise monitoring equipment in your home for a short period to prove she is completely unreasonable.

She's being unreasonable - but she may have issues. She might be hypersensitive to noise, in which case living in an upstairs flat isn't the wisest choice (but she may not HAVE a choice); or she might just be a total PITA.

Either way, report her for harassment.

I work for an housing association in a back office role but had to role play a very similar scenario in a training course I went to. Both the training leader and the housing staff were in agreement that normal household noise is perfectly acceptable and your neighbour is being unreasonable. I would make sure you have records of their contact with you on social media and report them to the housing association. You've done nothing wrong.

ItsNeverSunny the sheer cheek of some people It must have felt nice telling her that they were not there!!

OP to me it sounds like your neighbour is harrassing you. Not the other way around.

Did the previous tenants complain about Sally? Or she about them? If so your HA will already know there's an issue there.

In your post as soon as you said you have a dog and a 10 week old baby I thought shit i bet youre loud!
Suggest she gets carpet put down if she hasnt already??

We had a similar issue with a neighbour making claims about us. Turned out she'd done that with 4 other sets of neighbours and no one was found to be making excessive noise. Our walls aren't thin, but not sound proof either.

We were private though which made things harder, and ended up with police involvement after our children were threatened by the neighbour's adult son.

It stopped the complaints and banging now, and there are now tenants next door who only hear us when we are shouting, and vice versa.

But yes, go to the HA. Not necessarily to complain, but to 'make things better'.

Sabine - don't know if they made an official complaint but they told me she had banged on the floor at them too.

I've blocked her on social media now so she can't contact me and have emailed the HA and told them I can send them the messages if they wish.

Thanks for all your advice - she's never mentioned the baby crying and I'd think that was the loudest thing that happens in our flat! Luckily the dog isn't a barker, he's pretty quiet most of the time. I don't think we make excess noise above normal household levels and would gladly have someone come and monitor it if it'll shut her up!

OP, is your neighbour Mr Heckles?!

You poor thing. I used to live to a serial complainer and it was a nightmare. He'd put notes under my car windscreen wipers!

The irony was that he used to play music so loud that I couldn't watch TV in my own house (detatched). I put up with this music for months before politely asking him to turn it down. He started ranting and raving and apparently I was the neighbour from hell. Turns out he had a head injury years ago so had a permanent personality change because of it.

I was a private rental so luckily I was in the position to move.

Fuck, she'd hate my upstairs neighbour! He stomps around like an elephant, plays loud, bassy rap music, AND uses a treadmill! Haha :)

I would be really concerned about the fact she super sloothed you out on Facebook. Good for you for blocking her an reporting her.

Report.

And if she's going to be a pain in the arse when you're trying not to make noise, don't even bother trying to be quiet. Just go about your business normally. She'll complain either way, and it's better for you not to have to tiptoe!

I feel for you, OP. I've come across this sort of scenario in my job, many times. She's probably known as a serial complainer by the HA, people like this usually are.

One of my clients was recently told (yes, told) by a neighbour not to flush the lav after 10pm because the noise was too disturbing, and that they couldn't sit out in the communal gardens on nice days because they talked too loud (they don't).

Being hypersensitive to noise must be hellish (I'm pretty noise averse myself), and I've dealt with clients who really suffer because of this, but normal, everyday living noise is perfectly reasonable.

OP your upstairs neighbour sounds like a nightmare and you don't sound unreasonable at all.

What I don't get though, is why on earth soundproofing in attached dwellings in the UK is so dire? It must cause endless misery either to those who are noise-sensitive or genuinely have noisy neighbours, and huge amounts of conflict.

I stayed in flats for years in a different country and I don't remember actually ever hearing any sound from neighbours whatsoever.

Got here and suddenly could here other people's living noise right in my home.
I now live detached.