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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH called DS thick. I did not react well

35 replies

Pleasedontbelikeme · 05/05/2017 22:40

DH and I are highly educated. DS (from my first marriage) in his 20s, was borderline SEN at school. I was told he was bad, but not bad enough to get a statement. He is an adult now, holds down a job in retail and has a lovely girlfriend. Tonight, after a few beers, DH described DS and his girlfriend as thick. I said, "that's my son you're talking about. I'd rather live with him than you. He's easier to live with, more helpful, and not such a nasty person. Do you want a divorce?" AIBU?

OP posts:
Pollydonia · 05/05/2017 22:42

Yadnbu.

Chavelita · 05/05/2017 22:43

Of course you're not. It was an appalling, cruel thing to say. Is this new?

LemonsAndLollies · 05/05/2017 22:44

YATotallyNBU. How'd it go down with Nasty McSnobbybritches?

DoItTooJulia · 05/05/2017 22:45

Do you want a divorce OP?

Justmuddlingalong · 05/05/2017 22:45

He may be highly educated, but he sounds like an ignorant prick.

Original poster
Pleasedontbelikeme · 05/05/2017 22:46

He apologised then sulked off to bed

OP posts:
sheepashwap · 05/05/2017 22:46

Well done! (YAVVVVDNBU)

PickAChew · 05/05/2017 22:47

Fucking hell, YANBU at all.

How long have you been together and has your H (less of the D, unless you mean DickHead) always been dismissive of your DS?

Psolomon · 05/05/2017 22:49

He was probably joking. I called my 15 month-old baby 'thick' yesterday morning at a baby group when someone asked me why he wasn't yet crawling. I was joking. Everybody laughed.

PurpleDaisies · 05/05/2017 22:49

Do you think he got that he was totally out of order or was it a sulky half apology to keep the peace?

How are you going to deal with it now?

Original poster
Pleasedontbelikeme · 05/05/2017 22:49

Been married 10 years. Together for 16. He's not very good at relationships

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasedontbelikeme · 05/05/2017 22:51

He wasn't joking. I think he was worried that I might be serious about divorce

OP posts:
bookwormnerd · 05/05/2017 22:51

Yanbu. Being highly educated does not make anyone better. Being a good person is so much more important. There are different types of intelligence and everyone is good at something, its only in our society we seem to value some intelligence over others. Some of the most educated people I know have absolutly no common sence and to be honest high iq doesnt guarentee hapiness. I would say your dhs comment shows he has no emotional intelligence. It was pretty stupid to think any mother would take that well.

picklemepopcorn · 05/05/2017 22:53

IMO, YABU. I think you reacted very well! Good for you.

Corialanusburt · 05/05/2017 22:53

I think it grates on him and irritates him that by marriage he has family that make him feel degraded.
His attitude about his stepson and partner is vile and you should ltb.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 05/05/2017 22:55

In what context? I mean, people don't generally come out with statements out of the blue. What is the back drop to this?

LadyGlitterSparklesSeriously · 05/05/2017 22:55

Your son is in his twenties, and you've been together for 16 years.

That's a spectacularly nasty thing to say about someone he's known/cared for since he was a child.

Yadnbu.

Batghee · 05/05/2017 22:59

YANBU and well done to you for defending your son and making your husband see that speaking like that about him is unacceptable

ChippersAndRunt · 05/05/2017 23:02

That's simply nasty!

Nobody chooses to be "thick". Calling somebody thick is just as awful as insluting somebody for... Idk. Having a crooked nose. (maybe a bad example).

Your son sounds like a lovely young man. But your DH does sound rather awful.

Original poster
Pleasedontbelikeme · 05/05/2017 23:02

Background: DH is self-employed. DS contached him to say that his friend might have some work for him. DH texted for
DS's friend about it and got no reply. DS said his friend mentioned that DH hadn't contacted him. DH said DS probably gave him the wrong number - DS and gf are thick after all. ..

OP posts:
Batghee · 05/05/2017 23:08

presumably its not possible for your DH to have dialled the wrong number by accident seeing as hes so highly educated?
what a wanker.
Is he usually this much of a twat or is there some extenuating circumstance? Is he stressed about work or something? Was he relying on the job?

sarahconnorsbiceps · 05/05/2017 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeddaGarbled · 05/05/2017 23:09

YANBU.

I know lots of people who think like this, people for whom academic and professional success came easily and who therefore think anyone less successful than themselves is "thick" or "lazy".

And it is definitely after a few drinks that these opinions get voiced.

skyzumarubble · 05/05/2017 23:10

What a cock. Yadnbu.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2017 23:14

Yanbu.
I'd take kindness over intelligence any day.
As someone upthread said, it's such a shame our society deems intelligence as one of those attributes that makes a person superior.