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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for coming home early and quietly?!

43 replies

sineadHG · 05/05/2017 13:13

last night i was out for a colleagues retirement drinks/meal. great night out, wine was flowing, did go on to a bar after but only had one drink then got a cab home with two workmates. once in i sat on the sofa, was absolutely pooped/drunk and decided to sleep downstairs to avoid making loads of noise and waking either my DH or my 2yo DS up (i have been known to do this on occasion!!) fell asleep almost immediately.

at two o clock i randomly woke up to notice my phone was ringing and it was my husband - i answered and he wanted to know where i was.....errrrrr asleep on the sofa! i then came up to the bedroom but on checking my phone saw he had called me four times whilst i had been asleep and sent me a few texts asking to let him know where i was.

now this morning he has got the right hump with me!! i checked my phone and the text i sent to my friend to let her know i was home was at 11:30 so i wasnt actually as late as i thought i was (completely lost all track of time!)

BACKGROUND: dh is a lovely and reasonable person so this not usual for him to be like this. also, i quite often will ask him to set the pull out bed out downstairs if i know im going out late so it is not an unusual thing for me to sleep downstairs. thirdly, i can sometimes be a terrible annoying drunk person - forgetting to text and let him know im ok, slamming the door when i get in, clunking about upstairs!

TLDR i came home early and caused as little disturbance as possible but am in the dog house!! AIBU?!

OP posts:

WonkoTheSane42 · 05/05/2017 13:15

He was worried about you and got a fright. Try and have some empathy.

BastardGoDarkly · 05/05/2017 13:17

Yes, sounds like he had a night of not much sleep and worry.

I don't know, maybe next time, text him when you get in?

SmokeCloak · 05/05/2017 13:17

Sounds like he was worried. I think I would have let him know I was home if he's a worrier.He shouldn't have the hump with you though.

HermioneJeanGranger · 05/05/2017 13:19

Sounds like he was worried - maybe text when you get in next time?

blueskyinmarch · 05/05/2017 13:20

YABU- You hadn’t let him know you’re going to sleep downstairs, you were unusually quiet coming in and he was worried about you. You could have text him when you got in to say 'i am downstairs sleeping if you wake up and wonder where i am'.

viques · 05/05/2017 13:21

Why do you find it necessary to go out and get hammered? I am not surprised your oh was worried about you if you have previous form for getting so drunk you can't get yourself upstairs. You put yourself in a vuneralble position when you are drunk, either from your own actions (falling, choking on your own vomit etcetera) or from the actions of others when you are not in a state to defend yourself. He must have been worried sick imagining what could have happened to you.

Beerwench · 05/05/2017 13:21

I don't think coming home early and quietly has put you in the dog house, maybe just that he didn't realise you had come home and was worried because you didn't answer your phone or text him back until later. You knew you were safe in the door and on the sofa, but he obviously didn't hear you and therefore didn't know.
If I were in your shoes I'd shuffle the dog over and get comfy before apologising for not letting him know and explaining why you slept downstairs.
You've been considerate by trying not to wake them and he's been worried.
Hope your hangover isn't too bad today

LedaP · 05/05/2017 13:26

Do you gave a habit of twisting things to make yourself in the 'right'?

Its totally obvious that you are not in the dog house for coming home early and being quiet.

BastardGoDarkly · 05/05/2017 13:29

Calm down viques

peachgreen · 05/05/2017 13:32

YABU. He was worried. Apologise and agree to text him when you get home in future.

UppityHumpty · 05/05/2017 13:36

Why wouldn't you tell him you were home? Why did you sleep on the couch? Your behaviour is a bit illogical tbh.

viques · 05/05/2017 13:36

Perfectly calm, and sober, thank you Bastard , just don't understand people who equate going out, meeting friends and socialising with getting so pissed they slam doors and can't walk up their own stairs.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 05/05/2017 13:38

My dh done this once and I was worried got to 6am and I just decided to get up as couldn't sleep and there he was on the couch. I was annoyed cause id lost a full nights sleep worrying he was hurt or something. Thing is I know now to check downstairs where he's usually crashed out so it shouldn't be an issue in the future. If you sometimes sleep there anyway I'm surprised he didn't go check.

ProseccoBitch · 05/05/2017 13:38

He sounds like a nice husband who was concerned about you, poor man.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 05/05/2017 13:42

YABU, especially for your deceptive question. Surely you know that you being quiet wasn't the problem. You didn't let him know where you were and so he was worried! Maybe you need to make a plan for this time of situation. You could text him when you get home then he will see it when/if he wakes up worrying.

Chickoletta · 05/05/2017 13:42

YABVU. Husbands often get a hard time on MN and yours sounds like a very loving man who was worried about you. As others have said, you have really twisted this to put him in the wrong. Apologise and think about behaving differently next time.

Chickoletta · 05/05/2017 13:43

Nicole69 · 05/05/2017 13:44

Yes, you're being completely unreasonable. Why on earth wouldn't you let him know you're home? Can't you see how worried he must have been? How would you feel if it were the other way round?

ShotsFired · 05/05/2017 13:48

My OH was out out, so sent him a text something like "let me know if you are coming home or I will lock up". He replied to say he was.

I must have locked up on complete autopilot. Woke up at 2am worried sick, as the last train was midnight. Looked outside and saw him fast asleep on the back seat of his car! He'd walked home, couldn't get in, didn't want to wake me so decided to sleep it off in the car instead!

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2017 13:49

Why did your friend get a text not your dh?

He sounds like he was worried about you. Im.sure most husband's and wives would be worried if they woke up to discover their partners weren't home.

SnapJack68 · 05/05/2017 13:51

YABVU .

firstly for not giving him a text or popping up to say youre home safe.

And secondly for suggesting the issue he has is with you coming in quietly and early..

WankingMonkey · 05/05/2017 13:51

Honestly thought this thread was going to be about you creeping into the house like a fucking ninja and opening the bedroom door and frightening the shit out of your partner. Like my partner does (sometimes on purpose now )

Yeah you should have let DH know IMO. Just let this one pass, he was worried.

Clandestino · 05/05/2017 13:53

If you have a habit of going out and get so pissed out of your mind that you don't know what time it is, then it's fair to understand that he was worried. I'd be pissed off with my DH too if he behaved like this.

Raffles1981 · 05/05/2017 13:58

My first thought is, why didn't he come downstairs to check you had not come home and fallen asleep on the couch? I may get some backlash for that but it would make sense to me to check first before txting/calling. On the other hand, I get why he was in a mood - he loves you, cares for you and was worried. Just talk to him, tell him why you fell asleep on the sofa and apologise. He cannot be mad at you for too long I am sure. It is nice to know he cares so much, at least if you acknowledge that, I am sure he will appreciate it x

Original poster

sineadHG · 05/05/2017 14:00

thanks everyone - i do take on board what you're saying, and yes, he is lovely so would have been worried.

i didnt text him as he had text me at 22:10 saying he was off to bed so tbh i just presumed he was asleep, and again, just didnt want to disturb him!

i really was doing what i thought was the nicest thing at the time, but a guess a little text to let him know i had got in ok would have been a good idea!

im more impressed with myself that i managed to come in so quietly!! drunk or not i am a naturally noisy/clumsy person!!

OP posts:

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