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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for coming home early and quietly?!

43 replies

sineadHG · 05/05/2017 13:13

last night i was out for a colleagues retirement drinks/meal. great night out, wine was flowing, did go on to a bar after but only had one drink then got a cab home with two workmates. once in i sat on the sofa, was absolutely pooped/drunk and decided to sleep downstairs to avoid making loads of noise and waking either my DH or my 2yo DS up (i have been known to do this on occasion!!) fell asleep almost immediately.

at two o clock i randomly woke up to notice my phone was ringing and it was my husband - i answered and he wanted to know where i was.....errrrrr asleep on the sofa! i then came up to the bedroom but on checking my phone saw he had called me four times whilst i had been asleep and sent me a few texts asking to let him know where i was.

now this morning he has got the right hump with me!! i checked my phone and the text i sent to my friend to let her know i was home was at 11:30 so i wasnt actually as late as i thought i was (completely lost all track of time!)

BACKGROUND: dh is a lovely and reasonable person so this not usual for him to be like this. also, i quite often will ask him to set the pull out bed out downstairs if i know im going out late so it is not an unusual thing for me to sleep downstairs. thirdly, i can sometimes be a terrible annoying drunk person - forgetting to text and let him know im ok, slamming the door when i get in, clunking about upstairs!

TLDR i came home early and caused as little disturbance as possible but am in the dog house!! AIBU?!

OP posts:

DreamilyLookingOutOfTheWindow · 05/05/2017 14:02

YABU mine would be quietly upset at this

KinkyAfro · 05/05/2017 14:03

The whole point of her sleeping on the sofa was to ensure she didn't wake the house! What would then be the point of texting him and waking him up? I'm with another poster, why didn't he check if he knows you sometimes sleep downstairs?

Original poster

sineadHG · 05/05/2017 14:04

shotsfired oh no!! at least he had his car keys with him so he wasnt just sleeping in the street!

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 05/05/2017 14:04

Cross post with op

WeeWillyWinkieFromEccles · 05/05/2017 14:04

Also would have expected him to come downstairs to check if you were there before calling/texting, especially if it's not unusual for you to sleep downstairs after a night out. Sounds like he'smaking mountains out of molehills to me. Is there any more to this?

Original poster

sineadHG · 05/05/2017 14:04

to those asking why he didnt check downstairs, i can imagine he was probably half asleep - so worrying but also too knackered to think straight/do anything logical!

OP posts:

Original poster

sineadHG · 05/05/2017 14:07

wankingmonkey hilarious...if i have now acquired the skills to be quiet i may try this next time! that'll learn him!

OP posts:

IheartDodo · 05/05/2017 14:10

I've had this from the other side once!
My DP had been out and got back quite late. Didn't want to wake me so slept on the sofa (which he's never done before). I woke up around 4 and realised he wasn't there, went and checked the spare room and he wasn't there either. I was in an absolute panic, on the point of calling the police to report him missing but then thankfully at the last minute decided to check downstairs! (lucky I did cos that would have been an embarassing waste of their time!)
So.. he was probably just worried, next time just text saying "I'll be home lat, I'll sleep on the sofa" or something!

isupposeitsverynice · 05/05/2017 14:13

It wouldn't occur to me to look downstairs, I have to admit. I'd assume if dh had come in, he'd also come up.

SecretNetter · 05/05/2017 14:13

He's just worried, his grumpiness won't last but you should apologise.

Dh once was travelling home from a meeting about 5 hours away, late. We spoke last at about 9pm and he said his ETA was Midnight. When I woke up at 3am he wasn't home...cue two hours of worry and panic that he'd crashed on the motorway and him not answering.

I finally got hold of him and he'd pulled into a car park for a 30 minute power nap an hour from home because he realised he was exhausted. Totally the right thing to do. He'd set his alarm for 45 minutes and slept through it, plus all my calls, so was obviously knackered. I was still initially furious though that he hadn't at least text to tell me!

Just apologise gracefully op and don't give the poor guy a heart attack again!

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2017 14:15

I'd just say next time to put his phone on silent. Then you won't wake him up with the text but if he wakes up he will know you are home ok.

Do used to do this to me. Go for a drink after work and not show up til fuck knows what time and not a peep out of him.

I never asked what time he'd he home or who he was with or even where he was.

All I asked was he at some point let me know he was staying out and it was going to be a long one so not to worry or wait up or that he was in his way home.

I never begrudged him going out but the getting drunk and rolling in at 3am then spending the day in bed hungover while I dealt with the baby was a step to far.

If he makes your life miserable like this every time you go out then that's one thing.

But it's not alot to ask someone to check in and just let someone know not to worry of you are back late or that you are on your way.

I'd also say for next time to get him to check downstairs first

nellythegoat · 05/05/2017 14:38

DP used to this a lot, I would wake up at about 2am (well past the time of the last train home) and wonder where he was. In the end we had the rule that he would text once he was home, I sleep with my phone on silent anyway, but if you wake at 2am worried it's far easier to just glance at your phone, see that all is well and go back to sleep.

In the end he stopped texting and so I stopped caring because it became exhausting. That is a worse place to be in my experience.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 05/05/2017 14:54

Yes, sorry I assumed his phone would be on silent if he was asleep! But you could always have a different arrangement e.g. put your shoes and bag at the bottom of the stairs so he can see that you've got in and are downstairs. Or whatever really, just something so you can sneak in without disturbing him and he can check you're in without traipsing downstairs and waking you.

MrsJamesMathews · 05/05/2017 14:56

I think he's the one BU actually. OK, so he was worried, get that. But he wasn't worried enough to get his arse out of bed and go and check downstairs. It's not beyond possibility that OP could have fallen asleep on the loo / drinking a cup of tea or had fallen over and lay unconscious oozing blood all over the hallway floor. I think any straight thinking person would have gone and checked downstairs way before getting arsey.

ShotsFired · 05/05/2017 15:28

@sineadHG shotsfired oh no!! at least he had his car keys with him so he wasnt just sleeping in the street!

I forgot to mention that it was in the depths of winter too, so brass monkeys at night. Luckily he had his beer coat on....

WeeWillyWinkieFromEccles · 05/05/2017 15:32

MrsJamesMatthews don't worry, I'm with you.

Gladys123 · 05/05/2017 15:39

Yanbu. Like someone else said why didnt he check downstairs if he was that worried? Tbh i haven't got a clue whst time dh gets in if he goes out. Don't care either as king as he doesn't wake anyone up! As long as he's home by the next day then I'm really not bothered, he's a grown up.

angryladyboobs · 05/05/2017 16:05

He was worried about you. All it takes is a message to say 'I'm gonna sleep on the sofa'

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