Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still go on this date?

68 replies

slownsteady · 05/05/2017 09:31

Name changed as outing but regular poster. Really hope friend isn't a MNer.

Years ago, my friend had one date with a guy she met online. She didn't want to take it further and things fizzled out. Now it turns out I'm chatting to the same guy (small world huh?) and we've arranged to meet. My friend was initially supportive and we found it funny, but now he's added me on fb she's convinced herself that he's stalking her Hmm

Because he came up on her recommended friends she's convinced he's been checking out her profile. She even got me to hide some of my own statuses that reference a personal life event she went through recently. Not a problem, it's her life and she doesn't want him knowing her business, but AIBU to think she's being a bit over the top? The atmosphere has changed from it being a funny coincidence to her pretty much calling him a stalker Confused and implying I shouldn't meet him/it will go badly.

OP posts:
Original poster
slownsteady · 06/05/2017 07:29

I'm meeting him today and I haven't heard from her since two nights ago. Shame really as when we first realised it was the same man we both thought it was hilarious, and had half-planned to do some 'live commentary' type joking around while I was with him (if he was as awful as she said!). She'd said I could/should ring her when I was on the train on my way, but now the atmosphere has changed, do you still think I should?

OP posts:
HildaOg · 06/05/2017 10:07

I wonder if she lied to him about her job, life etc and now she's worried about being found out. Or she stalked him when he didn't want to see her anymore... Or she's just jealous because now someone else wants a man she didn't so now she sees him as worthy.

Don't contact her today. Meet him, see how you get on see what his reaction is when you tell him you know her. Hear his side of the story before speaking to her. Unless she did something crazy he may not even remember her tbh.

nonsparkle · 06/05/2017 10:24

Good luck with your date 😀x

DixieNormas · 06/05/2017 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 06/05/2017 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
slownsteady · 17/05/2017 10:16

so weird development... I texted her after the date and said it went well, and she said something along the lines of 'I told you he was good looking and smart!' Hmm so she was backtracking a bit. Spoke on the phone last week (we try and catch up once a week or so as we live some distance apart) and all seemed fine. But this morning I checked whatsapp and it looks like she's blocked me? Not quite sure how to react if at all...

OP posts:
Kittencatkins123 · 17/05/2017 13:21

Just let her get on with it and see what happens with the guy. You did your due diligence, if she wasn't comfortable/there was more of a back story she should have said.

ambereeree · 17/05/2017 13:34

Being nosey...how was the date? Have you or are you seeing him again...

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/05/2017 13:37

How many years has this guy been online dating for?That's what I would want to know

Me too! My gut says don't go.

Msqueen33 · 17/05/2017 13:47

Maybe over time she's not able to be as picky and is jealous that she might have let a decent one go. Are you seeing him again?!

I'd always be wary of adding people to Facebook. That said they could google you easily enough or use linkedin. Like you I have very little on my Facebook page.

Original poster
slownsteady · 17/05/2017 14:03

Yeah we've met up 3 or 4 times since. I enjoy his company and feel comfortable around him so I'll just see where it goes Smile can't get my head around my friend though. If she has blocked me that is really not like her at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
slownsteady · 17/05/2017 14:05

Fluffypinkpyjamas I've been on and off dating websites for years. I live rurally and struggle to meet people. I've got a two year relationship out of it and others more short term dating, does that mean somehow I'm damaged goods that they didn't work out so I'm back on the site?

OP posts:
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/05/2017 14:11

Shock Slow what are you on about? Where did I say anything about you at all? Let alone about damaged goods !?

Original poster
slownsteady · 17/05/2017 14:14

Just wondered why it would be a big enough red flag if he'd been on dating sites for years that you wouldn't go? As I've been on/off them for years myself

OP posts:
ambereeree · 17/05/2017 14:23

Agree some people are on and off for years. BUT some people are on them constantly and want to meet talk to new people constantly even when they are seeing someone.

ambereeree · 17/05/2017 14:26

Did you talk about your friend with this new guy? Is he in touch with her? Maybe she tried to get in touch with him and now feels embarrassed.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/05/2017 14:32

Amber I agree. So a giant leap on your part then Slow as to what I meant. I think that your friend may well have good reason, maybe he was awful, did something, something happened and she doesn't feel comfortable having him back in her life in any way. I would not lose the friendship over a guy you met online and do not even know.

Original poster
slownsteady · 17/05/2017 14:40

They went on one date, 4 or 5 years ago. As I said, she lives some distance away now so he's not gonna be in her life. Either she's not being straight with me about what he's really like or she's just acting weird out of some jealousy related reaction.

I don't know why she said he was awful, then backtracked after I had the date basically saying 'see I told you he was great!'. And I'm probably being dumb but I'm still confused as to what you meant fluffy... so it is a red flag if someone has been on a dating site for too long? I'm just not sure how long too long is and I'm guilty of this myself.

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 17/05/2017 14:42

I suppose people come on and off dating sites. There's probably some that just stay on and aren't hugely trustworthy but others who are. Sounds like odd behaviour from your friend.

Waltermittythesequel · 17/05/2017 14:45

Sounds like odd behaviour but she's been your friend a long time and this is out of character...
I have to say, I know it's a leap, but I'm thinking he did something to her on that one date that has her reacting like this.

sonjadog · 17/05/2017 14:46

Your friend is behaving very strangely. You should keep seeing this guy if you want to.

sonjadog · 17/05/2017 14:49

I find it odd that so many posters here are insinuating there is something wrong with this guy for no reason whatsoever, except that a woman he dated once 4-5 years ago is acting strangely now. Presumably if he had done something awful, she would have mentioned it when you first said you had made contact with him, rather than find it funny.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/05/2017 14:54

No I do not mean for too long as such but if it is constantly without a break,even when they have met someone, like Amber says. Is there any way you can have a proper chat and get her to be honest? Just be careful Slow in case she was being truthful the first time and he was not great.As for being guilty, there is nothing wrong with trying to find someone and you will.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/05/2017 15:02

I have to say, I know it's a leap, but I'm thinking he did something to her on that one date that has her reacting like this

Yes, me too.

metalmum15 · 17/05/2017 15:11

Do you know why there relationship never went any further? Maybe she really liked him but he wasn't so interested in her, in which case it could be a case of jealousy that he seems to like you more. Not sure why she would block you though, that just seems childish. And if anything bad had happened to her on their date, surely as a good friend she would have warned you first?