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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell DD she cannot do a maths a-level?

47 replies

user1493943779 · 05/05/2017 01:31

DD has just turned 19. The reason I am so involved is because she has had quite severe mental health problems (depression, anxiety, ocd and anorexia) she just managed to get her GCSEs and was accepted into sixth form but over that summer things got really bad and she couldn't go. She was very up and down for ages. Lots of referrals/a and e visits, etc. she slowly got better and got herself a part time job and she is looking to go back into education. She would like to do a maths a-level while continuing with her part time job and doing this as evening classes and then after doing an access course. she says she would like to do it.

i said she can go back and do a levels, or an access or college course but there is no point in just doing the 1 a-level and then an access course, but came to a compromise of access course and then the 1 a-level, but we would really like her to get the level 3 first and then do extra after be she is still adamant she wants to do it the other way around and it wont make a difference if she does it the other way around.

Can I just say, we would cover the costs of the extra a-level if she does it after and would have absolutely no problem with that. but would like her to get a level 3 qualification first and then do the 1 a-level. that is fair isn't it? as we will cover costs?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2017 01:35

In my day the jump between GCSE maths and A level was massive. Really a different subject in some ways. Is it still lie that?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2017 01:35

Like!

Original poster
user1493943779 · 05/05/2017 01:39

I think so. She got an A* at GCSE and was accepted to do maths and further maths at sixth form but this was 3 years ago now. i definitely do support her doing it and would be fine with her going back and doing 3 a levels but i dont see the point in just doing 1 and then an access course!

OP posts:
GardenGeek · 05/05/2017 01:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leontine · 05/05/2017 01:47

At 19 I think she's still entitled to free education? If she's been through a tough time, I'd say let her do it the way she wants to.
Whilst you can't see the point of doing the A-level first, I can't see what harm it could do?

StripeyZazie · 05/05/2017 01:55

I'd let her do what she wants, build from there. It's a Maths A-level, not running off to smuggle heroin.

mylaptopismylapdog · 05/05/2017 02:01

I understand your position but also can understand that your daughter wants to start with something she knows she is good at. Just wondering if maybe the college she's planning on studying at can advise on what the course would be like, what support would be available etc.

OlennasWimple · 05/05/2017 02:10

I agree with mylaptop - suggest getting some advice from the college about your DD's specific situation

SpyroTheDragon9 · 05/05/2017 02:30

Qualifications aren't the be all and end all. Sounds like shes had a tough time and although I'm sure your not trying to pressuring her wont help. Let her do want she wants, she is 19 after all. She can always further her education at a later date if she wants to, thers no time limit.

SpyroTheDragon9 · 05/05/2017 02:31

Sorry *there is

Teabagtits · 05/05/2017 02:41

Maybe it's a good idea to start off small with one a level. This would be less stressful than 3 and would give your daughter an idea of what required of her. If she's been as ill as you describe I think she's being really sensible. Recovery is about taking baby steps.

Bubblesagain · 05/05/2017 02:49

Is she wanting to do the a level first to ease herself back into full time education? I'm guessing (as clueless!) it's less work then a full access course ? In which case if she thinks it's the less stressful way it might be good?

StealthPolarBear · 05/05/2017 02:52

Garden geek the op is not saying no t maths

Athrawes · 05/05/2017 03:18

An access course is intended for the really not all that bright or those who have been out of formal education for a really long time. It will be really dull for a girl who could be doing maths and further maths. Let her do the maths and be mentally positively stimulated and meet other young people who share her love of the subject.

fiftyplustwo · 05/05/2017 03:28

If she does maths A-level she might want to decide for the long run to have a go at studying to become an Actuary (a maths person making calculations for big insurance companies). One does after all have a job and the prospect for this type of job is said to be brilliant. Search for "How to become an actuary" at "Institute and Faculty of Actuaries" and make her read it. Then search for "BSc Mathematics" at "The University of Edinburgh". It says what the 4 year training BSc program contains.

It's partially unreasonable to tell her not to take a maths A-level, but if she does, she must be prepared to be in for the long haul and really make an effort. Being an actuary is a good and high-paying job. Many actuaries are women. If she decides to study for a BSc in maths, she won't probably have any problem to find a job with the big insurance companies, with finance firm, with life science firms perhaps, or with the government in some central position like the Bank of England or similar.

ModreB · 05/05/2017 03:29

To depart from the previous posters a bit. She's 19. Mental health issues aside, she is legally an adult. Is there any safeguarding issues, Court of Protection, Court orders? If not, she is a free adult, able to make all decisions for herself. YABVU to deny her the chance and opportunity to decide for herself what she does next.

CoxsOrangePippin · 05/05/2017 04:04

A family member in a similar situation (v bright and mathematical ) found the access course dull and it turned them off education, so there is a risk on that side too.

I wish I had done maths a level, if only I could do it alongside full time work and DC now!

mathanxiety · 05/05/2017 04:38

Let her make her own decisions.

The only mistakes possible to make here are your mistakes - getting over involved and seeming to throw cold water over her plans or discourage or sow self doubt. I realise none of this is your intention, but try to gauge how you may be coming across to her, and take a step back.

I think you should see the glass half full here - she has a part time job and she has regained enough confidence to contemplate a restart of her academic explorations.

Look at it as explorations, because this is what it is, and not something her entire future life depends on. She doesn't need a plan for the future; this doesn't have to lead in any specific direction.

Maths is a great choice because it is a right/wrong topic, fairly impersonal.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2017 06:02

The access course sounds dull. I would listen to your daughter. She's got mental health problems and an eating disorder and needs to be listened to. I'd support her in doing whatever she wants. And be there to pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong with an open heart with no "I told you so's". She's 19 and an adult. I don't know your family history and I think perhaps putting the level of pressure on a vulnerable young woman, telling her what she should be doing isn't good. She's clearly very bright and it's amazing she got such good grades considering what else is going on in her life.

mathanxiety · 05/05/2017 06:08

Mummyoflittledragon - spot on.

Movingin2017 · 05/05/2017 06:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonjadog · 05/05/2017 06:22

She must enjoy Maths a great deal. I think that is a good enough reason in itself to let her study the A-level. But in any case, a Maths A-level is a good qualification for her to have. I´d definitely let her do it.

picklemepopcorn · 05/05/2017 06:30

She needs to be making choices and decisions she is comfortable with. This is a great one! One step at a time- keep the job she feels secure in, and do the a level.
Going into six form college two years after everyone else may feel horrible for her.

When she has her a level, she can decide what she is ready for next.

thisagain · 05/05/2017 06:32

I also think her plan sounds like a good one. She could do more A levels if it works out. Also think she should be supported and the pressure taken off no matter what. Her health is more important than all of this.

user1492287253 · 05/05/2017 06:33

I used to teach on courses for young adults not in education or employment.
A good number where on the course because they had done courses to please their parents and could not find the motivation to complete.
I would seriously let her do the maths. Let her get started now in fact. Its easy enough to get all the materials she needs.