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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell DD she cannot do a maths a-level?

47 replies

user1493943779 · 05/05/2017 01:31

DD has just turned 19. The reason I am so involved is because she has had quite severe mental health problems (depression, anxiety, ocd and anorexia) she just managed to get her GCSEs and was accepted into sixth form but over that summer things got really bad and she couldn't go. She was very up and down for ages. Lots of referrals/a and e visits, etc. she slowly got better and got herself a part time job and she is looking to go back into education. She would like to do a maths a-level while continuing with her part time job and doing this as evening classes and then after doing an access course. she says she would like to do it.

i said she can go back and do a levels, or an access or college course but there is no point in just doing the 1 a-level and then an access course, but came to a compromise of access course and then the 1 a-level, but we would really like her to get the level 3 first and then do extra after be she is still adamant she wants to do it the other way around and it wont make a difference if she does it the other way around.

Can I just say, we would cover the costs of the extra a-level if she does it after and would have absolutely no problem with that. but would like her to get a level 3 qualification first and then do the 1 a-level. that is fair isn't it? as we will cover costs?

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2017 06:39

Thanks . I would also think doing the one A level is a way in to potentially taking more later down the line as pps have suggested. But even if it doesn't, maths is a great stand alone qualification. When I was your dds age, I was obsessed with doing my A's immediately and not "losing" a year. I was very vulnerable and had undiagnosed mental health problems with no one to turn to or help me. This resulted in me being desperately confused, swamped and depressed, borderline failing one of my A's and getting low grades in the other two. I was lucky and back in the day, I went through clearing and with my friend encouraging me, and got in to university. Thanks to her faith in me, I now have an hons degree. I think your dd is being very realistic about what she can achieve and that shows a very healthy level of maturity.

Mistigri · 05/05/2017 06:40

Let her do the maths. If it works out she can add further maths, and maybe another numerate subject.

I would not be pushing a teenager with mental health problems onto a course she doesn't want to do. She sounds like she might be quite brilliant at maths - an access course being taught at a level well below her ability might be very demotivating.

Westray · 05/05/2017 06:43

OP I know you want to help, but being controlling won't help the situation.
People need to want to study in irder for it to work.

In your shoes I would be delighted that my daughter is making positive steps towards her future.

Let her study in her own way, at her pace and be as supportive as you can.
Let her do the maths first if that's the way she wants to do it

In the grand scheme of things there are many worse life choices a 19 year old can make.

NeverTwerkNaked · 05/05/2017 06:48

Let her choose.

GreatFuckability · 05/05/2017 06:51

She's an adult. you can't ''let'' her do anything!

what difference does it make which way round she does them??

An A level as a starter back into education is a good idea IMO. Access courses are intense and pretty stressful.

YABU in lots of ways!

Increasinglymiddleaged · 05/05/2017 06:55

I think she needs to talk to the college. 19+ funding works differently so she needs to check out whether having a level 3 qualification already will affect her eligibility to do an access course. It doesn't matter that you have paid, it is having it. If it doesn't matter then there is no need to pay because A Levels are funded for 19+.

TheFrendo · 05/05/2017 07:04

It sounds a good way to get back into education, much better than doing lots of a levels at once, considering her MH history especially so.

Miniminimus · 05/05/2017 07:16

Agree with Mummyoflittledragon...after going through so much, surely her motivation and her control over her choices is key. I can absolutely see where you are coming from OP. I can see myself thinking/saying the same things in your situation, but the logical approach doesn't always get the best outcome. What seems the best thing might not be the best thing for them.

My DS had various things going on at A level and only passed one. About to do the whole 2 years again as a BTEC (and not feeling motivated), he had a chance conversation with the admissions tutor and after a couple of interviews, they took him straight onto a degree in his chosen subject instead. I was worried that he needed access or to finish FE first but he too was almost 19 so (while I wrung my hands in the background!), ultimately it was his choice. The uni admissions person was clear that they would rather have someone motivated and with potential on the degree, than be switched off by plodding through access/Btec/more FE for the sake of it. He is now in second year and doing well.

I think it also helped that it was a newish course and maybe less traditional, though is a very popular uni. So, my longwinded point (!)is that your DD may still have some good options open to her after just the one A level, especially as she has great GCSE'S results and seems so enthusiastic about her subject.

Hope is all works out, sounds like you have both been through a lot and can imagine it is really hard to step back.

GoatsFeet · 05/05/2017 07:18

but i dont see the point in just doing 1 and then an access course!

I can't keep up with the bureaucracy of all the post-16 options for education. But ...

the point of your DD studying something she has previously been really very very good at (A* at GCSE is not to be sneezed at) given her health issues, the point might simply be about testing herself, stretching herself, and proving herself.

Education for its own sake, for stretching & developing the mind, is never pointless. Ever.

MrsJamin · 05/05/2017 07:19

Yes let her choose, it sounds like maths is her subject. She might want to think about training to code software, there are lots of great jobs in technology and it suits someone with a mathematical mind.

Miniminimus · 05/05/2017 07:25

Not that uni has to be the destination of course. Maths is such a flexible subject and employers seem to like it. A friend's DD did Maths A level, went directly into a job afterwards and is now involved in acounting and thr employer is funding part time college. She is very happy and will end up with degree level qualifications and no debt. At the time there was a lot of pressure on her and her parents for her to try uni, to 'keep up with friends' ...almost like a treadmill . ....but she is really happy now.

There is so much time at this stage in life, no real wrong choice and so much time to try things out before you decide where you are going.

ladyvimes · 05/05/2017 07:26

If she got an A* at GCSE and enjoys maths then the A level should be fine. I loved maths a level and did further maths too. It was difficult but I found English lit a lot harder!
I also suffer with depression and anxiety and I would listen to your daughter. There are so many routes into jobs. Let her do the maths a'level in her own time and way. It might give her the confidence to do more.

user1471545174 · 05/05/2017 08:11

Definitely encourage her to do it. The speed and route to HE are far less important than they used to be. It will be good discipline but less pressure.

BarbarianMum · 05/05/2017 08:45

I think you should let her decide. It sounds a though she's had very little control over her life for a while now - no ones fault, just one of those things. I think providing a safe environmentment in which she can begin again to make decisions about her life is the best thing you can do right now. She's suggesting an A level and working, not taking off to backpack the Middle East or muling cocaine.

AppleTree92 · 05/05/2017 08:48

YABU

A) At 19, she's an adult and can/should make her own choices.

B) As your DD suffers a variety of mental illnesses, surely building her confidence should be one of the first steps to getting her life back on track. If that's doing one A level and then an access course, so be it.

C) OCD and anorexia is usually the way in which sufferers feel in control of their lives. If you're trying to control DDs life and not let her make her own choices then you're likely to make her MH worse.

senua · 05/05/2017 08:59

She got an A at GCSE and was accepted to do maths and further maths at sixth form but this was 3 years ago now.*

A Level is a jump up from GCSE and Maths is a 'use it or lose it' subject. Make sure that she eases herself back in, as preparation.

wtffgs · 05/05/2017 09:23

I'd let her do what she wants, build from there. It's a Maths A-level, not running off to smuggle heroin.

This. Plus if she is battling MH issues succeeding at a "difficult" A Level will be good for her psychological well-being.

It sounds like it has been a very hard time for you both.

Mistigri · 05/05/2017 09:30

A Level is a jump up from GCSE and Maths is a 'use it or lose it' subject. Make sure that she eases herself back in, as preparation.

There's some truth to this, but some teenagers who are very able at maths actually find it gets easier post-16 once it gets more abstract.

lolalament · 05/05/2017 09:34

One A Level isn't a "full" level 3 qualification for funding purposes, so won't have any effect on future funding eligibility. But it may boost her confidence, as she can continue with her job and take up studying a subject she's interested in around that.

Somerville · 05/05/2017 09:41

Some jobs attract a higher salary for those with maths a level. So maths plus an access course (in whichever order) doesn't sound like a bad idea to me.

FizzyGreenWater · 05/05/2017 10:35

No, I think you are wrong here for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, her mental health situation. If she has come to the conclusion herself that this way forward will work for her, you should support that, and that in itself may be the difference - seriously - between this or ANY OTHER ROUTE back into 'the game' working out or not. I think the way in which you can provide the best and most effective support to her is to show some faith in her decisions, and some trust that she knows herself. My advice here would probably be different if you were suggesting an access course and she wanted to travel to Thailand for a year or something! But she's not - she's actually making a perfectly sensible suggestion which she believes will be the best route for her back to education. And the fact is that at 19, if she's saying that this is the route which she feels will work for her - she is probably right. It's not just about the bare bones of studying and the logic of the route - it's also about confidence and enthusiasm. If she has that - she's more likely to stick at it and come out with a better set of grades. This goes double for someone who has been out of formal education because of metnal health issues.

Secondly, I think her plan is pretty sound. She is still only 19. If she is aiming for uni eventually and yet is still fairly open about what her subject choices might be, then the advice I would give every time is - don't rush it. Find out what you're really interested in and don't prioritise racing to uni (or, reaching any other point where you have to 'decide' what your subject area is finally going to be) over truly working out what path you want to take. Better to start uni at 24 with a bit of life experience, good mental health and a solid decision that yes, you really do want to do nursing or art history or engineering and that you have a plan. She's still finding her feet, and it sounds like easing herself in with 1 A-level (and she really couldn't pick a better one) whilst retaining her work-life is a good start. She'll either love it and possibly then go on to take a couple more A-levels or she may change tack completely. She may well get to the end of a first year with the maths and decide to pick up more A-levels at that point, if it's going well! She may, as others have said, also hate an access course, and also find going from her current situation to a full-time course, be it access or 3 a-levels. She clearly has an inkling that this would be the case - listen to her.

I think you should see her enthusiasm and wish to plan things for herself as a big positive, and support that. One thing I think would be the most destructive thing you could do is play the 'we are paying for it, we get a say' card. Don't disempower her like that - it's the last thing she needs, and it could backfire badly.

FizzyGreenWater · 05/05/2017 10:37

'be it access or a-levels, would be too much too soon'

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