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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take over all household finances after DH's monumental errors in judgement?

31 replies

BBtie · 04/05/2017 20:50

First post - bracing myself!

DH and I have always had a great relationship re: our household finances. I earn the most, about 3x more, never been an issue as it hasn't mattered before. My job is quite stressful so DH has looked after home insurance, travel insurance, energy contracts and admin etc. I look after mortgage and childcare contracts / admin etc. Just the way it has worked out. All worked fine before now.

We have 2 young kids. 6 weeks ago one of them broke our expensive TV and I found out DH had got the cheapest insurance possible with no accidental cover. Never been an issue before, so lesson learned, we got a new TV and I said that we absolutely had to get accidental cover ASAP in case anything gets broken again - highly likely given our young kids. I asked him had he done it at least 8 times over last 5 weeks. Just had another issue with our house and went to claim the 2,500 on the insurance, only to be told by the insurers that it is only covered under accidental damage, which we don't have, as DH had ignored me / disagreed somehow so was stubborn / was too lazy to do.

This is on top of a skiing injury he sustained earlier this year which cost 9k to fix, surprise surprise - cheapest crappiest insurance cover that we are still touch and go whether it will cover it. Oh and he spent so long sorting that out that we have been slapped with 600 Euros debt collectors fees too as he was too slack to call the medical company and let them know that he was on it and claiming through insurance.

I am feeling really helpless. Unless I insist on taking on all our household finances, in addition to earning most of the ££, I can't see how I can be sure things are done and we are making good financial decisions. And I am starting to resent the costs he is racking up through poor management and decisions, which on his own he would never have the funds to pay.

Thoughts? DH is refusing to acknowledge any issue and saying that it's an annoying situation and bad luck....

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 04/05/2017 20:59

I would be so annoyed that he didn't get the accidental cover after your discussion

It seems to me you resent being the higher earner here because tbh it's not relevant at all

PhyllisNights · 04/05/2017 21:01

You're not being unreasonable in the slightest. If this wasn't a marriage, and it was a work place, then this would exactly be the sort of consequence that would happen as a result of a lapse of judgement.

Fruitcorner123 · 04/05/2017 21:02

You should set up the insurances you are unhappy about yourself it's not that big a task really and once set up it's just about setting the direct debit every month. It's a pity he can't be trusted with it but as he can't do it yourself.

Original poster
BBtie · 04/05/2017 21:03

Thanks for the response, I've never at all minded before, it's just now that all these costs are coming in and feels like maybe he is a bit cavalier because my salary just about covers this stuff. The other thing I guess is that I work long hours and am quite stressed at work, and now the financial tasks that I thought were being handled, I now I think need to take on too, which stresses me even more......

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 04/05/2017 21:05

It's irrelevant who earns the money here, but I'd be really cross at him wasting family money with his carelessness/laziness. Is he incompetent in other areas? Can you swap responsibilities around so he can do more mindless drudge work and you can do the bits that require organisational ability/a brain?

Original poster
BBtie · 04/05/2017 21:07

I think you're right FruitCorner I guess I need to just suck it up and do the insurance myself then I know it will be done sensibly. Just some research as you say and then it will take care of itself really - but annoying to have to take this on, on top of the other stuff. It's good to hear others would be annoyed about all this, the thing really getting on my tits is that DH is saying "it's an annoying situation" - like it is in the third person rather than a consequence of rubbish decision making. Grrrrr

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2017 21:08

Yanbu but as a pp says you clearly do see you being the higher earner as an issue however the decisions hes been making would be as much a problem if yiu both earned the same. What does he say about it? Did he forget or does he genuinely think he was doing the right thing

StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2017 21:08

Sorry x post

Original poster
BBtie · 04/05/2017 21:09

Heheh hedgehog (I love your name, is that true though?!), to be fair we have a fairly even split of that stuff (house work excluded of course which I always do...) so maybe need to task him with lesser admin (hmmm shopping lists, calendar management - like this idea!)

OP posts:
Original poster
BBtie · 04/05/2017 21:12

PolarBear, yes you are right these decisions would be a problem regardless of incomes...good point. he seems to not agree we need accidental insurance I think (although has never said this or had the conversation which would be the sensible adult thing to do) so is being stubborn - no way he could have forgotten cos I reminded quite a bit.....

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 04/05/2017 21:17

You being the higher earner may not be irrelevant. Does he pay the insurance premium from his account and therefore chooses the cheapest knowing you will foot the bill from your account if anything goes wrong?

I would swap a task - you deal with all finances/food shop, he washes and puts away clothes.

43percentburnt · 04/05/2017 21:20

Why do you do all the housework?

Original poster
BBtie · 04/05/2017 21:21

Yes kinda, I transfer over cash to our joint account whenever we need it so basically I guess I do take care of extra cash needed....

OP posts:
Original poster
BBtie · 04/05/2017 21:23

I think its the old chestnut that I have a lower tolerance to the mess! In fairness he is great with the children so works hard there....

OP posts:
DirtyChaiLatte · 04/05/2017 21:24

to be fair we have a fairly even split of that stuff (house work excluded of course which I always do

If you both work full time, then why do you do all the housework?

DirtyChaiLatte · 04/05/2017 21:33

Sorry, x post.

If you take on the household finances from him, then he should take over some of your other jobs

Original poster
BBtie · 04/05/2017 21:39

You know that is a great point, I can take over the sodding insurance and he could do a bit more housework stuff, hadn't thought of that! Obvs the trick will be making that happen but it's a reasonable swap.

Thanks ladies, it is reassuring that folk would be annoyed about this, I may well be being resentful about earning more which I probably need to stop having a chip on shoulder about, and we could redistribute tasks sensibly to sort this out.

AND I learnt that hedgehogs can't be buggered!

OP posts:
UppityHumpty · 04/05/2017 21:39

You need a frank and open discussion.

If he can't be trusted financially then insist on managing all the household bills from a sole account and pay him housekeeping into the joint account (if applicable). If you do this, he should take care of the housework and shopping. It's not fair on you having to do everything.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/05/2017 21:39

Ask him what the family is going to give up to cover the wasted costs. Put it in terms of that is a holiday we won't have because of your cheapskate behaviour. It doesn't matter whether or not you can afford to absorb the cost or not. It's still money that could have been used for something else.

badg3r · 04/05/2017 21:39

Sorting the insurance needn't be a big ongoing task though, get more comprehensive cover that you are happy with and renew automatically every year. I would be pissed off in your position too, it's a needless waste of money. 11k plus a new telly because of scrimping on insurance... ouch!

SashaSashays · 04/05/2017 21:40

It sounds as if you actually have a difference in approach. Obviously very annoying he didn't get accidental cover after the tv but in terms of him picking several insurance policies that don't cover what you expect, why is he doing that?

Does he always pick the cheapest option, is he not actually reading what they cover.

I think it would be better to get on the same page with him still doing it rather than take on the task yourself. I always feel as though I end up taking things on because they were done badly then suddenly realising I'm doing everything when DH is perfectly capable we just need to agree on our expectations.

MontyPythonsFlyingFuck · 04/05/2017 21:40

Oh, the "annoying situation" thing is enough to fire up my LTB buttons (joke, but only just). The "D"H of one of my best friends is forever fucking up family stuff and then saying "oh yes, it's very regrettable that.... (latest example) DD3 can't have summer sleepovers in the tent any more". BECAUSE HE SOLD THE FUCKING TENT WITHOUT CONSULTING ANYONE (they are not remotely short of money).

Lanaorana2 · 04/05/2017 21:40

I'm with you OP. Hit the roof about the money wasted for a start, although acknowledge that at the outset he was prob trying to do a good job by picking the cheapest policy.

Your job is stressful, so even if you agree with the SAHMs on here saying it doesn't matter how much it pays in proportion or amount (it does), that alone should be enough to get DP to shape up.

Don't do this job for him. Instead, talk about where you'll be saving the money he's wasted from. Make it something he will notice. Then give him back the responsibility with that little bit of incentive he might need.

EssentialHummus · 04/05/2017 21:44

You need to have a chat about why he chose the cheapest insurance 2/3 times over - just being mindless on a comparison website? Worried about money? Something else? I'd explore a bit further.

Chewbecca · 04/05/2017 21:49

To put another perspective on it, I never (maybe rarely) get enhanced insurance products, they feel like a con to me and a waste of money in the long run. I've never regretted the choice & think I have have saved £000s over the years by keeping those costs low. I do have a good level of savings that could cover extra costs if essential.

So I'm not sure I am totally with your assumption that accidental cover is essential and that it is 'bad financial management' to not buy it.

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