Is my birthday a day of sadness from now on?

[Twinklyfaerieglade]

Yesterday my FIL died, yesterday was my birthday. My PFB was best buds with his Grandpa. DC is now an adult and FIL was a great age but...
DC is my joint great love (with my other DC) but he doesn't like me much. I can guess at some of the reasons, but his dislike is so very strong I cannot find anything, or an accumulation of things that merits it.
I suspect GF dying will overtake my birthday.
It hurts

I think YABU to be thinking about it so soon, but I don't think your birthday will be a day of sadness dominated by your FIL forever more, to give you some reassurance.

Does your son agree you come the bottom of the pile?

I often find that people who say this in fact don't.

Your son is in Australia and before this happened you had a plan to visit him. Why? He is there 6 months. Does he want you to go? Its quite unusual to do that.

Only you can figure this out.

I think I was a bit too harsh in my previous post, I'm sorry.

I hope you can help and improve your relationship with your son on this trip.

It's tough when you feel like this, but I think you have to remember that your FIL has just passed away and if you are not the top of people's priorities right now it is not a personal attack.

My dad died several years ago, but he was quite ill and it was expected. We tend to remember him more on the days when we would have all been together but he is not there (religious festivals, etc) than the day he actually died.

Are you not even going to the funeral then, OP?

And why are you going out to australia to see your son when he's only out there for 6 months? Did he invite you? Strange he would if you don't have a good relationship, as you say

Just beware when your children are adults they may not adore you. I hope I am the exception and most don't experience this pain

This says a lot. You actually expect your adult children to "adore you" and put you first in their lives. You have a bizarre view of relationships with adult children and come across as very self absorbed and narcissistic.

Led and user1493022461 you know the poster is bereaved and unhappily yet you post unpleasant and totally supportive posts. What are you hoping to achieve?

TheNaze73 I think you have totally misunderstood the OPs post.

If FIL was a lovely man and much adored then you can easily use your birthday in future years, to celebrate the long and great life of a much loved man. That's nice, isn't it?

Have you bought the ticket to Oz on impulse or was the trip planned? I would tread very carefully if it is the former. Even if your intentions are sincere, which I'm sure they are, your DC already has issues which may be made worse if he sees it as you interfering. Ask him and be prepared for a tricky visit.

I hope your relationship improves with time.

Bereaved? She doesn't sound it, she sounds only concerned about herself, no-one else. She didn't mention any grief in the OP, other than for her birthday being over shadowed.

italian i hoping to get the OP to really confront why her son seems to have a problem with her. And its probably to with the way she comes across. As she does in this post.

I also agree she doesnt sound bereaved. She is worry about her birthday....next year.

I get what you mean Twinkly, particularly as a very close family member died on my birthday. At first it was a day of sadness rather than celebration, however as the years have gone by it's a day I remember all the happy times we had together.

Someone once told me that they pass away on a special day so they'll always be a day you'll think of them. You can take that one of two ways, but I found it comforting.

user...461 grief does strange things. All reactions are perfectly legitimate and do not deserve to be judged.

MatildaTheCat why do people UAE the person's death date to celebrate their life? Totally off to me. Anfvwhy should the OP's special day be forever held hostage to the fact another person died on it that really is making the OP bottom of the pile - even someone who has died I'd more important than you and you should feel grateful for the chance to remember them!

user1493022461 she has told a close relkative has died. She has been bereaved.

Because she has chosen, on an anonymous forum, to explore an issue that is bothering her it does not mean she has not been bereaved!

Led of you want her to confront her own feeling could you not speak in a more gentle way to a person who has just lost a relative, even if they are not coming across upset enough?

UAE where did that come from!! I meant choose.

And why not andfywhy!

No, yesterday was a day of great sadness because a close much lived family member died.

This is a question of perspectives.

Led of you want her to confront her own feeling could you not speak in a more gentle way to a person who has just lost a relative, even if they are not coming across upset enough?

The tone of my post is actually made up by you. Its words on a page. The tone is completely up to the reader.

Led who said anything about tone? I said could you not speak in a more gentle way? EG by using more gentle words.

"I often find that people who say this in fact don't."

It sounds to me like you are suggesting the OP is making up how she feels, or rather that she can't really come last in people's lives because she has identified that fact and in your experience people who say that are usually lying.

And the son in Australia, there 6 months. "Does he want you to go? Its quite unusual to do that."

I just felt that was quite cold. Maybe I am reading more into it than you intended, if so I apologize.

I think the OP has got a very hard time on here and it is clear she is upset. I don't know why I should feel sensitive on her behalf but I do!

Anyway, if you meant it kindly I do apologize.