Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reduced Maintenence Payment

42 replies

Pidgy72 · 03/05/2017 13:26

AIBU? Hi all, I'd value some opinions on my current situation

From this month's maintenance payment my husband deducted an amount owing for our son's activities. I agreed to pay half in September 2016, but haven't paid anything yet. I told him I would pay both next year but he wasn't happy with that.

He has paid both children's subs this year (he also pays 2 other activities that I refuse to co-fund as he chose to enrol them).

I think that the maintenance amount is fixed and irrespective of the fact that I owe him money, he shouldn't have deducted this amount off this month but AIBU

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 03/05/2017 15:46

If he is only deducting for activities that he has paid for but that you agreed to pay for then I'd say YABU. Sorry! Probably not what you wanted to hear.

If he has deducted for activities you didn't agree to then that would be different.

watchoutformybutt · 03/05/2017 15:48

You should have paid him back or at least have been attempting to sooner than next year!

SootSprite · 03/05/2017 15:48

If you agreed to go halves and still haven't paid 8 months later I think it's perfectly reasonable for him to deduct what you owe him.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/05/2017 15:50

Sorry but yabu. Why didn't you pay him what you owed him from sept 16?

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 03/05/2017 15:57

Of course YABU. You owe him the money and you acknowledge that. Any rational person would do as he has and deduct it from what he is paying regularly. Technically, because it is a fixed agreed sum, you could have words with an official and have him chased for it. But do you really want to be that person? Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

harderandharder2breathe · 03/05/2017 16:18

Yabu

Why haven't you paid what you agreed to pay?

You said you'd pay, you haven't. After eight months he's clearly realised you have no intention of paying what you agreed, so he's taking what you owe him off the money he gives you. Since the money you owe relates to activities for your child, seems reasonable that it would come from maintenance.

Whosthemummynow · 03/05/2017 16:34

Yup YABU. Why on earth haven't you paid him back?

wheresthel1ght · 03/05/2017 16:38

More info needed.

Why haven't you paid him back?

If you are financially struggling then yabu but you should have told him this.

If you are just being arsey about it for some reason then yabu and he is right to deduct it.

Original poster
Pidgy72 · 03/05/2017 17:01

He didn't make it clear how I was to pay (him or the activity) and I didn't pursue him.

Money is tight but we have had a foreign holiday with the kids(staying with family) so that might be difficult to prove.

OP posts:
Whosthemummynow · 03/05/2017 17:04

He didn't make it clear how I was to pay (him or the activity) and I didn't pursue him

Thats really shitty OP, you must know that.

wheresthel1ght · 03/05/2017 17:13

@pidgy72 sorry that is a shite excuse. I am afraid I am with him on this one

tinyterrors · 03/05/2017 18:17

That's a rubbish excuse op. If you can afford a holiday, even if it is staying with family, then you can pay what you owe.

I'd imagine you'd have a very different view if you'd paid it and your ex owed you his half of an agreed payment.

Allthebestnamesareused · 03/05/2017 18:24

Why didn't you agree from the outset that he could deduct a small amount each week if you can't afford it in one go. Or alternatively the kids can't do the activity!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 03/05/2017 18:30

No, no excuse or reason why he should deduct that money from maintenance. That money is for his dc, not for you, so if you owe him half for an activity it shouldn't come out of that.

Having said that, you should have paid him as soon as you could, or if you didn't agree or couldn't afford to split the payment you should have said so at the time.

I don't think he would have been unreasonable to insist you paid him back, but deducting money from maintenance is patronising and controlling. If you refused him access because he owed you money, you'd be legally and morally wrong, and I think him reducing maintenance is the same.

NoSquirrels · 03/05/2017 18:34

I expect that legally he is in the wrong, but morally he's in the right as you owe him the money, and don't appear to have made an effort to repay over an extended period.

pinkdelight · 03/05/2017 18:35

"He didn't make it clear how I was to pay (him or the activity) and I didn't pursue him"

So he clarified how you were to pay him back - through deduction from maintenance payments. Sorted!

You surely aren't serious? You owed him. You should've paid it off before your holiday.

pipsqueak25 · 03/05/2017 18:41

have you spoken to him about this repaying thing ? that would be a start, but i can understand why he's a bit fed up though.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/05/2017 18:42

If he didn't make it clear, this is how the conversation goes...
'Hi ex, how would you like me to pay for the activity?'
I know it's rocket science.

FrancisCrawford · 03/05/2017 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pidgy72 · 03/05/2017 18:48

I've told him I'll pay the subs next year (Sep - April) but he won't accept that.

OP posts:
LedaP · 03/05/2017 18:50

Of course he wont accept that.

You already had an arrangement that you didnt stick to.

HermioneJeanGranger · 03/05/2017 18:51

Why should he believe you'll pay next year when you haven't coughed up anything since September?!

YABVU.

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday · 03/05/2017 18:52

I suspect this is a reverse. Possibly from partner of the father?

wheresthel1ght · 03/05/2017 18:53

@pidgy72 How can you not see that you had an agreement to pay half now and have failed to do that so he isn't prepared to risk getting lumbered with it next year too.

You refuse to pay for another activity because "he enrolled them" so I can fully see why he is pisces off

FlossyMooToo · 03/05/2017 18:54

Well why should he accept it. Hes paid already and you are now going back/changing the agreement.

If he had promised you maintenance then said "oh well I will just pay double next month" you would not be impressed.