To ask how people cope!

[GastonsWife]

I guess I'm looking for parenting tips really! DD is 11 days old and this is our first day at home with no help. I've been really spoilt so far with OH being about and various family members being around to help.
Today I have found really hard and it's not even lunchtime. DD didn't sleep well last night and has been cluster feeding today and last night. I feel anxious about expressing so have had her on me basically all the time. She does go down in her basket in the day but these past two days she has been crying to be fed as soon as I put her down.
I was just wondering how people get things done with a newborn such as putting a wash on or having a shower?
(I'm feeling particularly anxious today as the HV is coming and DD has a sticky eye and I'm worried she will be underweight and they will think I'm a bad parent and think my house is a mess, it isn't me and OH are just very particular about it)

I remember coming home from hospital with DD1 when she was 6 days old, we had both been kept in because we were both pretty poorly.

I put her down in the living room in her moses basket and looked at her and though 'what the fuck do I do with her?' There was this tiny baby who needed me to care for her and I had absolutely NO CLUE with what I was doing!!'

And I was pretty much on my own. I had no help. I just muddled through. Washing piled up, I ate what I could grab, I managed to get dressed and actually out the house by about week 3 but only to the local shops for essentials.

You just do what you need to do. I slept when she slept. I sat and cuddled her for hours. Because you never get those tiny newborn days back.

Washing and housework can wait. Your baby is the sole most important thing right now. Just enjoy every moment.

Bollocks to the washing and have a sleep if you can instead. It gets better very quickly. DD is now 20 weeks and asleep at the moment. I also found it easier if you can get out of the house as they sleep then! If you mush do some washing then bung it on and go out but honestly at this stage I think I was just trying to recoup sleep when she slept.

Do very little apart from eat and attend to your baby.
Have lots of nutritious easy to prepare and eat one handed food in - I ate a lot of muesli.
I recall showering with DD1 in car seat on bathroom floor looking at me.
Watch lots of Netflix :)

Try putting the bouncy chair in front of the washing machine while it's on as the white noise might soothe her while you shower or go to the loo, etc.

Get outside as much as you can because the fresh air does help soothe them too.

You learn that it's fine to leave them to cry sometimes. It takes a few minutes to put a wash on; put the baby somewhere safe and just put it on. For my daily shower/bath, I brought the baby into the bathroom in their bouncer chair. If they cried, they cried, I still had to wash!
You'll get the hang of it and soon figure out your own little ways

also another good thing that worked for me was putting dd in her pram, and going for a walk, she would fall asleep, and still be asleep when I got home, so I would leave her in the pram whilst getting a few things done around the house.

Lie in bed a lot and occasionally emerge for tea/snacks/magazines/showers.

or

Set up a mission control in your sitting room with everything you need for feeding and associated relaxation around a comfy chair, so a nappy changing kit, feeding things, muslin, spare bra and pads etc., magazines, remote control, drinks, flask, biscuits, etc. Plonk yourself in there and make the most of it. Binge on box sets. Feed as much as you like.

Occasionally emerge into the daylight and push said child around in a pram wondering at the novelty of it all.

Compulsory to cry and/or have some kind of tantrum thing occasionally and then take yourself off to the hairdressers in a huff. Leaving offspring behind with their father. Many men are strangely good about understanding this, as it's officially hormones n that.

If you can get some washing in and out of the machine the same day give yourself a pat on the back.

Now and then get a babysitter, get dressed up a bit and go out for a drink or something. Helps you remain vaguely human.

If you keep one room vaguely tidy for visitors that is the most housework you should be doing BTW

Sounds like me (and I'm sure the majority of new mums) in those early days. No one tells you just how hard it's going to be!! I remember one day just after my DH had gone back to work, so DD must have been just over 2 weeks old, and he phoned at 5pm to say he was on his way home and did we need anything picked up from the shops, and I burst into tears as I hadn't managed to get dressed, was completely exhausted and had managed to eat about a slice of toast all day! If someone had told me that would happen before I'd had a baby, I would have thought they were mad and wondered how on earth it would be possible to achieve so little in a whole day!!

Go easy on yourself, it definitely does get better!

Oh and breastmilk works wonders for sticky eyes!

I have had a ton of kids.
I don't have that very natural, first time panic anymore.
But I am a huge advocate of just being with your baby for the first few weeks.
Don't put her down if you don't want to and she doesn't want you to.
Don't stress about expressing (tbh I never got the hang of it).
Keep bottles of water near your favourite feeding spots. Dehydration can give you shocking headaches.

If its just you and OH and DD you shouldn't have to worry too much about housework. Washing can be done in one hit, try not to make a mess as you go so you are not left looking at it, too tired to do anything.
Eat what you want.
Put her in her chair when you need to wee or have a quick shower. She will be fine. Ok, you won't enjoy your shower if she is crying but you won't enjoy being dirty either.

Congratulations.

Congratulations OP. I can only echo what PP have said, you are doing great and don't worry. I can clearly remember that first day when visitors had left and DH went to work - probably about day 10 like you. I put DS into his cot and got into the shower with the door open, I could hear him crying...washed really quickly and sprinted into the bedroom....it was probably 3 minutes of crying ....he was already fast asleep ! You are doing really well....just make sure you eat and drink ( bottles of water and a nice cake like a sponge cake to keep you going!) if you have box sets / DVDs or fave films, watch those, feed and just cuddle you new baby. I like the idea of Mission Control ( from BoffinMum above) with everything you need in one room. Pyjamas all day = normal. It took me about 3 weeks before I even went out with DS1 in the day as you just need to learn as you go, and you will xxx

Congratulation. I think all the other posts have covered it. I found a sling but on my back and did housework that way

I've got an 11 day old also and today we mastered getting into the baby k-tan, game changer! My partner is away 2/3 of the time so single handedness is essential as otherwise, like last night, mummy doesn't eat!

He's been in here for about 2 hours with no signs of waking!

Won't echo any of the above advice which is great but one thing that's made my life much easier since having DS seven weeks ago is buy a Colour Catcher so you can bung everything in the washing machine at once.

Re bouncer: mine was just a wire frame with fabric over. Bounced when you juggled it with your foot or when baby moved around!

Oh I ruined soooo many washes in those first few months! DH wouldn't let me wash his stuff in the end. Friends thought that was really canny of me, but I was so knackered I couldn't have come up with a plan like that if my life had depended on it. Nevertheless, he's done his own washing ever since (17 years)

Good luck. Don't push yourself to be perfect - it's a waste of energy. Good enough is quite good enough!

My DD is bottle fed and now 3 months, and I think because of the bottle, she was getting quite a lot which meant we got some good naps, I used to drag her Moses basket into the bathroom while I had a shower, now she's a bit bigger I put her squidgy changing mat on the bathroom floor while a shower, nothing like having an audience!! And I sing nursery rhymes if she's awake and bored or fussing and she usually lets me have long enough to wash and get sorted.
Also we put her in her bouncer at 2 weeks but only because that's when it was given to us, she would have gone in before probably if we had had it, when she was little we put a blanket in it for extra padding, and now she's nearly spilling over the sides!
I can't say my house is spotless, I just about manage to get the washing up done and maybe a quick tidy round each day (by tidy round I mean shove any clutter into the spare room) and I know I could do more but me and my girl are doing stuff together instead!
I really had the baby blues at the start and cried most days over failure to breastfeed, worries that I wasn't good enough, worries that she wasn't getting what she should. Now I know I am doing my best and that is what my girl deserves.
Also at 11 days old me and DD barely did anything, now at 14 weeks we have a class or group every single week day and she's just started getting the giggles, this whole parenting thing? It rocks x

I just wanted to add a couple more:
One day soon, you will discover Anna from the Imagination tree website, making rainbow rice for a six week old little blob to run his fingers through. Do not do as I did and nearly break down in the effort to 'stimulate' the baby. They are absolutely fine up to at least age one being stimulated by all the tat lying round the house.
You will also discover baby groups. These are also great in small amounts, but do remember that if it's a toss up between sitting in the car having a nap while the baby naps or waking the baby up for an hour of rhythm time, it really is your call.
I have a fifteen month old. I still wait until DH gets home before I attempt cooking or hanging out washing. No one is going to reward you for making your own day hard. Not even your dh, believe me.
Try to call round to a friend's house unexpectedly who has a baby and note the state of their house, this always make me feel so much better.
Pasta drizzled with oil and piled with some Parmesan is a meal, with lashings of wine, it is a good meal.

I will put my professional educationalist hat on now. People talk loads of rubbish about stimulating newborns, buy special toys and products, etc. They don't need anything much except feeding, wiping, and cuddling if they are upset, or looking like they feel sociable or if you fancy having a cuddle simply because they are looking cute. It's helpful to talk to them occasionally as they understand quite a lot of language by inflection, but don't go out of your way to do special 'stimulating' talking or anything, just normal companionable family chit chat is fine. And the thing babies need most is mothers being rested and sufficiently happy and responsive to their feeding, temperature and wiping needs. Babies don't keep a secret tally of their mother's hoovering or whether their outfits match nicely

One personal experience thing now - if you and your baby can somehow sleep (or at least rest) between 2-4pm every day quite religiously from early on, that makes a mahoosive difference, try tinkering with your schedules and seeing if you can contrive it.

My baby is 11 days today I think. I agree with everyone else. I have showered every day because otherwise I feel grotty. My baby will think I'm called "mummy's coming" because I shout it constantly when I'm off getting myself a drink/snack/finding my phone etc. Try and relax. I'm expressing on medical advice due to feeding problems, otherwise I wouldn't dream of it, it's bloody horrible and there isn't enough time between baby feeds. Can you leave it for now?

I showered when my DH got home when the baby was very young (she's 5 months now) and then I put her in the bath with me because it allowed me to get a decent wash without listening to her cry. I've never left her to cry and would hate it.

She cluster fed and I watched a LOT of TV and ate lots of cake and biscuits.

I had a very good sling. I used to feed them while they were in the sling (takes practice ) and potter about with cooking prep and cleaning. My babies were always stuck down on the bathroom floor and shouted while I had a shower and chatted to them. I can't function without at least a quick shower. She's only 11 days old, you'll get used to it, I promise.

They don't explode if you leave them in a cot to cry for 15 minutes while you have a shower and a nice cup of tea, by the way.