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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my neighbour's reaction was odd?

49 replies

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/05/2017 11:28

At the weekend, DH and I were out shopping, leaving DS16 at home. When we returned, DS told us that next door's new dog had escaped from their house, and mauled a smaller dog that was walking up our street on a lead with its owner, a teenage girl. The other dog was seriously injured. DS had heard her screams and the commotion and came out of the house, saw that the neighbours the other side were trying to separate the two dogs, and instead turned his attention to the girl next door (who owns the dog that escaped) and her baby, who was also screaming. He asked NDN if the baby was hurt, she was hysterical so he asked her a few times to get her attention. Once she had said the baby wasn't injured and had been just sitting on the front door step with her while she was smoking, he came back indoors, because her partner was with the dog as well as the other neighbours, so he didn't think there was much point him being out as well.

The partner of the girl next door spoke to us later that day to say he was really shocked at my son's attitude and all he was interested in was whether the baby was hurt, he hadn't shown any concerns about whether his dog was hurt or tried to stop the other owner calling the police. He went on to say that it would have been easy to scare the owner of the other dog into not calling the police because she was a young girl and DS should have backed him up rather than just checking that the baby was OK and then going back in the house. He then said that he had had to get rid off all his weed in case the police came round and that could have been avoided if DS had helped him.

AIBU to think that this is a really odd reaction? I am actually more shocked that the ndn thought the right course of action was to ignore his own baby and to try to intimidate the other owner rather than apologising for not keeping the dog under control while he was in the front garden with the doors open. I was feeling very proud of DS for caring about the baby, and whether he had been injured, but now I'm wishing he had stayed out of it all. The ndns are the same age as DS so likely to be immature, but surely you would show more concern for your own child than whether or not the police were called?

OP posts:

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 03/05/2017 11:32

He was only concerned about his drugs and was in no position to criticise the actions of your ds.

Forget him he is a knob. .

Your ds sounds like a nice ndn and ds!!

Pinkheart5917 · 03/05/2017 11:32

I would of done what your ds did tbh, people were dealing with the dog and a Mum standing there screaming I would of asked about the baby too as I too would of wondered if she was screaming becuase the baby was injured.

Your ds did good, your neighbor is weird

alwaysthepessimist · 03/05/2017 11:35

Is this a serious post? Sorry but lots of your post just seem weird, maybe it is just me, she was sat on the doorstep smoking with her baby? That would worry me, you say they are the same age as your DS who is 16 and they love together - with parents? On their own?

And to answer your question if it is serious in no YANBU to expect someone to show more concern for their baby but I would be concerned that my NDN's had drugs in the house with a baby and would be reporting them for that alone!

Original poster

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/05/2017 11:42

Yes it's a serious post. They live with the girl's mother, the baby is just over a year old and the girl dropped out of school to have him. She was previously in the same class as DS. I think the partner may be a year or so older. Social services are involved, and they very nearly lost the child a few months ago. There's no point reporting them for the smoking or the drugs because I have done so in the past and nothing has been done - I'm sick of my house smelling of weed but what can I realistically do? They have been told that if they smoke it should be outside, so they sit on the front step. The baby is usually brought out with them.

They are not a very nice family. The police are regularly at the address which is probably why they were worried this time.

OP posts:

RainbowJack · 03/05/2017 11:56

Drug addicts are notorious for their odd reactions.

MusicToMyEars800 · 03/05/2017 11:57

Your neighbours sound horrible! Your DS did the right thing and sounds like a lovely boy

QuietNameChange · 03/05/2017 12:00

He went on to say that it would have been easy to scare the owner of the other dog into not calling the police because she was a young girl and DS should have backed him up rather than just checking that the baby was OK and then going back in the house. He then said that he had had to get rid off all his weed in case the police came round and that could have been avoided if DS had helped him.

Well, your neighbour is a twunt and your son sounds great. I may have offered to call the police myself simply because as a mother (or maybe just as a person? But especially as a mother?) I want to make sure nobody is trying to intimidate a child/young person to not call the police and would hope somebody would do the same for my DD. Well, when she is the age to be out and about alone, of course...

Anyhow, your DS sounds great.

your neighbour sounds awful. What a bastard.

user1493035447 · 03/05/2017 12:05

My advice is you need to move. What a vile junkie, your son did a very mature and I'd be proud of him. I'd have told neighbour where to go.

Seeingadistance · 03/05/2017 12:08

Your DS sounds like a lovely young man, and his behaviour was thoughtful and appropriate for the situation.

Given what you've said about your neighbours, I don't actually think their behaviour is odd so much as it is in keeping with their general lifestyle and attitudes - which are anti-social and illegal.

I feel bad for the baby, and the dog, tbh. I hope the Police do take action, because this sounds like the kind of scenario which could result in the wee one being badly injured, or worse, by the dog.

Original poster

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/05/2017 12:12

Thanks. Moving isn't an option, but there have been times when I wished we could! I don't know the owner of the other dog, what she looks like or where she lives, and DS doesn't know her, so it wouldn't be worth calling the police to report the plans to intimidate, I don't think,because I didn't witness it myself (neither did DS) I only have the neighbour's complaint that DS didn't come over to help him intimidate her - so no witnesses and no idea who the victim is. I agree though in an ideal world (and if I had known who she was) that sort of behaviour should be tackled.

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 03/05/2017 12:12

I think I would call social services as they are already involved, and tell them the whole story.

Partner ie baby's dad sounds like a nasty piece of work for all sorts of reasons, so no you may not be able to officially get anything 'done' about the drugs etc. but you can certainly help SS keep getting as full a picture as possible of what is going on in that baby's home and how the parents are doing. Reports of general interactions like this - drugs, baby's dad commenting on how his reaction would have been to intimidate the young girl, general bloody weirdness and antisocial behaviour - might help to keep that baby on the radar and all of them continuing to get help/monitoring.

Hissy · 03/05/2017 12:25

Just because you made a call before does not mean you shouldn't bother now! Call SS and tell them what happened, tell the police too

Rufus200 · 03/05/2017 12:25

Your neighbour is a knob and is in major trouble! His dog attacked an innocent person/dog in a public place because it was out of control! He could face a jail sentence!
He is lashing out at your family purely because he knows how deep he is now! Ignore him, your DS did nothing wrong!

GabsAlot · 03/05/2017 12:29

your ndn are scum

if the police were called anyway about the incideent the would have it on file so u could add to it to tell them your sons side

GabsAlot · 03/05/2017 12:29

oh and the dog should be take away incase it kills someone next time

humblesims · 03/05/2017 12:44

Yes you do need to report this. If the NDN dog has seriously injured another dog, then next time it might be a child or their baby.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 03/05/2017 12:48

Report the dog to the dog warden and the police.
Report the next door neighbour to the police and social services for having an out of control dog and placing concern for said dog and drugs over the welfare of the child.

StaplesCorner · 03/05/2017 12:50

Odd?! Its beyond odd! You sound like you have normalised a lot of this - what on earth did you say to the "partner" - was this the girls partner i.e., a young lad, or the mother's partner? Did you say "you must be out of your mind?" - cos that would have been the normal response!

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/05/2017 12:51

I agree that you should talk to the police about this. He said to you that he was trying to intimidate her and wanted your son to help him scare her into not calling the police. That he had to get rid of his drugs incase the police went round.

Thats not hearsay or not having witnesses, YOU are the witness as he said it himself directly to you.

You dont know that he wont try to intimidate her further if he finds out who she is and where she lives, you owe it to the girl to report everything you know.

MatildaTheCat · 03/05/2017 12:51

Of course the dog owners should be reported to the police if they have a dangerous and out of control dog. You would never forgive yourself if the baby was seriously injured or killed. Report anonymously if necessary though your ds giving a statement would probably be of more help.

PeaFaceMcgee · 03/05/2017 12:53

I hope the poor girl reported to the police and that her little dog is ok. Stupid idiots.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/05/2017 12:58

I think you should update SS to the fact that they have what appears to be an aggressive / poorly controlled dog in the house with the baby. I can't image they will be putting much time or effort into training and socialising the dog.

blueskyinmarch · 03/05/2017 12:59

Did the police come? If they did a report will go to SS anyway and they will take any necessary action. If the dog is deemed to be dangerous and posing a threat to the baby then SS will need to consider the safety issues in the house. Your DS did just fine OP and there was no need for him to get further involved.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/05/2017 13:03

imagine not image

Rossigigi · 03/05/2017 13:04

No advice but your son did the right thing- checked the baby was ok and dis involved himself in a situation that he had nothing to do with.
Your NDN sound like idiots though.

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