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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my neighbour's reaction was odd?

49 replies

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/05/2017 11:28

At the weekend, DH and I were out shopping, leaving DS16 at home. When we returned, DS told us that next door's new dog had escaped from their house, and mauled a smaller dog that was walking up our street on a lead with its owner, a teenage girl. The other dog was seriously injured. DS had heard her screams and the commotion and came out of the house, saw that the neighbours the other side were trying to separate the two dogs, and instead turned his attention to the girl next door (who owns the dog that escaped) and her baby, who was also screaming. He asked NDN if the baby was hurt, she was hysterical so he asked her a few times to get her attention. Once she had said the baby wasn't injured and had been just sitting on the front door step with her while she was smoking, he came back indoors, because her partner was with the dog as well as the other neighbours, so he didn't think there was much point him being out as well.

The partner of the girl next door spoke to us later that day to say he was really shocked at my son's attitude and all he was interested in was whether the baby was hurt, he hadn't shown any concerns about whether his dog was hurt or tried to stop the other owner calling the police. He went on to say that it would have been easy to scare the owner of the other dog into not calling the police because she was a young girl and DS should have backed him up rather than just checking that the baby was OK and then going back in the house. He then said that he had had to get rid off all his weed in case the police came round and that could have been avoided if DS had helped him.

AIBU to think that this is a really odd reaction? I am actually more shocked that the ndn thought the right course of action was to ignore his own baby and to try to intimidate the other owner rather than apologising for not keeping the dog under control while he was in the front garden with the doors open. I was feeling very proud of DS for caring about the baby, and whether he had been injured, but now I'm wishing he had stayed out of it all. The ndns are the same age as DS so likely to be immature, but surely you would show more concern for your own child than whether or not the police were called?

OP posts:

PhyllisNights · 03/05/2017 13:07

Smoking infront of their child? Possession of weed? A dog that ran out of the house and attacked another? These people are reprehensible. Your son absolutely reacted in the right way.

Sounds like you need to give social services a call about them possessing an illegal drug with a child in the house.

Funnyonion17 · 03/05/2017 13:09

He's a weirdo! What type of reasoning is that! Your DS is 16, he was very brave and considerate to go check on the baby and neighbour. The dog fight was already in hand with the owners and none of his business.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/05/2017 13:09

Oh and yes bloody hell how did that one fly past me - ?! Report the NDN dog, to police AND ss.

They've got a dangerous out of control dog in the house with a baby. Definitely report.

CoolCarrie · 03/05/2017 13:14

Well done to your son, and the ndn sound like a nightmare.

krustykittens · 03/05/2017 13:29

WTF? They have a dog that is out of control and he wanted your son's help to intimidate a young girl?! Put a call into the police and SS,, things are only going to get worse. He is violent scum.

mar72 · 03/05/2017 13:37

I work closely with SS (not a social worker myself) and I think a call to SS is paramount, not to mention a call to police. If they're already involved with SS it will only add up to their case. And I really wouldn't like be living ND to a weed smoker vicious dog owner teenager, the sooner they disappear the better it'll be for you. You can report anonymously and please don't engage with any inhabitants of the household anymore, if the boy bothers you again just say "Sorry, I'm late" or something to that effect. Good luck.

contrary13 · 03/05/2017 13:42

Your son sounds a thoroughly responsible young man, and he did the right thing in checking on the screaming baby in its screaming mother's arms before retreating. He didn't witness the attack, there was nothing he could have done, and he absolutely should not have done as the neighbour's daughter's partner seems to think that he should!

I think that perhaps the partner's visit to you, and what he said about how your son should have "backed him up" in intimidating an already frightened/shocked teenage girl, might count as harrassment of some sort? Perhaps even intimidation. Maybe he thinks that the next time his dog attacks someone (and there will be a next time!) you/your son will be too frightened not to help him use scare tactics to keep the police/Children's Services away from their front door. You could always call 101 for advice... especially about the fact that there is a vicious dog living with a baby whose "father" is more concerned about having to get rid of his drugs, than he is/was about the welfare of the dog who was attacked/his child and its mother's safety.

If the other dog was injured during the attack, then they are liable for costs. So, perhaps (hopefully!) the teenage girl walking the dog went home and told her parents what had happened and they have called the police. Lets put it this way, I would if my adult daughter returned home and said that one of our dogs had been attacked and someone had done their best to intimidate her out of involving the police...

So your son may end up having to talk to the police about this irregardless of his involvement.

SuperPissed · 03/05/2017 16:09

Your neighbour sounds absolutely vile. Your DS absolutely did the right thing. Like PP have said I would definitely contact SS/Dog Warden/someone about this. The drugs, NDNs lack of concern about his child and his partner and inability to control the dog in their own home is extremely worrying, not to mention the fact he thinks it would have been acceptable to intimidate a teenage girl!

Out of interest, what breed is NDN dog? Are they particularly aggressive in general?

Original poster

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/05/2017 16:39

Sorry have been at work, just catching up with the last few posts.

I think I will phone SS because you're right, if the dog can turn on another dog the baby is at risk.

The dog is a staffy, they have only had it since Friday and this happened on Sunday. I don't know if the police have been, I haven't seen them so they didn't come Sunday or Monday, but have been at work since and DS has been at school so if they have come it's in the day time.

I know it sounds like I've normalised a lot of what's going on, I suppose I have because living next door to this family has been stressful and nothing they do really surprises me. In the past before the daughter lived there, the mum and her ex would regularly have police knocking at the door and on one occasion mistook my house for their address and tried to serve a warrant to enter and search - this was when DS was quite small and DH was working nights so I was home with just DS. After I pointed out that they wanted next door not my house, I made sure we got a large number plate for the front door - none of our houses had numbers on the door so it was an easy mistake I guess. The ex was put away for drug dealing. We own our house and they rent from they he housing association, it's the only rental in our street but the HA don't seem interested in complaints about antisocial behaviour and criminal activity.

If I'm honest my reaction to the complaint from the lad (the daughters partner, not the mums) was complete shock and confusion, so I just said I knew nothing about what had happened and went in the house. I'm a bit worried about repercussions from reporting them as the family of the lad is very well known in my city as not to be crossed, and the surname is a byword for trouble. I worry that our house or car will be targeted, so while I am fed up with the antisocial behaviour and the drugs, previous reporting (anonymously to Crimestoppers) has not got anywhere and if the police come to my house to take a statement then go next door I am a bit scared.

OP posts:

blueskyinmarch · 03/05/2017 16:43

If this is a new dog then SS are unlikely to be aware of it so i agree, you need to call them and tell them what happened. If you call now you will probably catch someone in the office.

Original poster

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/05/2017 16:58

I've phoned and spoken to one of the social work team, they have taken the details and have thanked me for the information. I do hope that it is passed on to the right person, social services where I live isn't known for being great (has the worst rating) but I guess if they didn't have the info they couldn't act anyway. Thank you for helping me give my head a wobble ladies!

OP posts:

LakieLady · 03/05/2017 17:14

Well, your neighbour is a twunt and your son sounds great.

Yep, I reckon so.

What an arsehole that neighbour is, to be more concerned about getting into trouble than the damage his dog had done to another animal.

OP, your neighbours sound like oxygen thieves to me.

Beeziekn33ze · 03/05/2017 17:34

OP - the Housing Association should be interested in what is going on in the house. You might have a word with them about the weed, the uncontrolled dog and other issues.

pollymere · 04/05/2017 17:33

I wonder if he grows weed? He seems more panicked about that...

Daydream007 · 04/05/2017 17:47

Your DS did the right thing being concerned for the baby. Your neighbour is an idiot caring only for his drugs.

Ravenesque · 04/05/2017 18:08

The HA should help. It would seem that the tenants are breaking all manner of tenancy rules - I live in HA property, so know the rules of my one - and they could and should give them a notice of eviction. Get in touch with as many services as you can, do it anonymously or demand anonymity and then behave all "La, la, la, everything is great" around the neighbours from hell, so they wouldn't imagine you'd ever dob them in. Do you know the neighbours on the other side of them and how they're effected by them and if they'd quite like to join forces to rid your street of these horrid people?

Anyway, I'm sorry that you're having to live near such horrible people, I hope it can eventually be sorted and that you'll all see the back of them. Oh and I think your son is lovely and so mature for his age to go out, do the right thing and try to help. What a fine young man he is.

Abraiid2 · 04/05/2017 18:08

Well, your neighbour is a twunt and your son sounds great

Yup.

jayne1976 · 04/05/2017 18:10

They clearly have a very different moral code!

ginger1976 · 04/05/2017 18:20

A dangerous dog in a home with a baby is never going to end well. Poor baby sounds like its life is mapped out already with those scumbags for parents. Tragic. Make the call and sleep well knowing you did the right thing, even if nothing is done xx

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2017 18:21

Is it just me that feels sorry for their new dog too?

It's not going to be trained, it's already uncontrolled and it doesn't look like it'll have much of a future either.

embod · 04/05/2017 18:22

You did the right thing reporting them to SS.
What a horrible situation to be in. Your son sounds like a great boy who acted very responsibly.

Xanadu44 · 04/05/2017 20:21

Jesus. Sounds horrific.

cherish123 · 04/05/2017 21:48

Your DS showed maturity and compassion. The neighbour's react was aggressive but purely because he didn't want the police poking around! Stay away from them.

Jayyfa · 05/05/2017 15:21

This sounds so difficult.

Well done for doing something about it and yes agree your son sounds great, very thoughtful and mature.

Poor baby next door though.

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