To be pissed of at DH for this?

[BasinHaircut]

We are TTC. Today I got a positive ovulation test so likelyhood is that I will ovulate tomorrow, so we should ideally have sex tonight. We said we would do it every other day during fertile period this month and have done so far, last time we did was Sunday night.

Got in bed and he says 'do you mind if we don't, I'm really tired'. I said that we would be missing our last chance during fertile
window if we didn't and he said 'oh well can't be helped'.

I'm so annoyed. Usually he moans that I don't want sex enough and made a comment the other day about how I only want sex because I want to get pregnant. I'm not sure what the problem is even if that was true!

I know it's not the end of the world if I don't get pregnant this month but TTC isn't exactly romantic and I know he isn't enjoying it as much as he would ideally so you would have bought he would want to try and get it over with this month if possible!

Yanbu. You're either serious about ttc or your not. No point ttc when you aren't ovulating!

Honestly op you have ttc less than a week. All this schduling is just going to be draining.

If you dont get pg with in a couple of months you will be unbelivebly stressed. And nothing puts people off sex more than a sex schedule.

I know, I know, I've had a word with myself, and then DH this morning and we have decided that we won't continue to 'try' try and just see what happens.

I agree that 'these days' the pressure seems to be on and we do not help ourselves. It's really easy to get swept up in it though.

I totally agree Catrina1234, it's made ttc something of a competition to fit in with what the sticks/charts/apps say. Not to mention that it's then shared on social media!
Thank goodness we didn't have any of that!

I don't think you can be annoyed with him for not wanting sex, but I get it and have secretly felt a bit annoyed for the same reason.

I'm past 35 so knew when we tried for our next one we needed to get on with it really. I did OPKs and it did help me conceive quickly, my cycles were long and we have a non-sleeping toddler so needed to focus our efforts at the right time.
And yes sperm can hypothetically survive for 5 days but it generally doesn't, the vast majority will be dead within 48 hours. Most pregnancys are the result of sex on the day of or the day before ovulation.

YABU but ttc does send you a bit nuts.

Gosh it sounds like some form of military operation, which is understandable somewhat if you'd been trying for a long time, but five days is well over the top. And now you're pissed off he wouldn't perform on demand and to schedule. Honestly try to see it from his perspective. You'll damage your relationship if you continue like this. Try to put a bit of fun into it.

OP, I get where you're coming from - if you've already had several months of disappointment and you can hear your bio clock ticking loudly, you become acutely aware of the short window of time that the egg is viable.
Not wishing to generalise, but I'm guessing that many of those saying "back in my day..." started much younger than many women today, married earlier etc - 2 years of waiting is less urgent when you're in your 20s than in your 30s.
Getting AF each month can be a huge disappointment. Perhaps have a proper chat with your DP about how you feel, how excited you'd be to be pg & how disappointing it is when you're not - it's got to be a team thing and you've both got to pull together to get the job done.
As an aside, maybe do the tests during the day if you can, send your DP saucy messages throughout the day give him some notice of your intentions so he might save the cardio workout for home rather than the gym instead of landing in bed, knackered, to be told he has to find energy for what you're asking.
Good luck

Can I just point out to the people who are telling the op off and calling her desperate that she has said they both want a baby and they both agreed the every other day thing.

" And nothing puts people off sex more than a sex schedule"
He shouldn't have suggested or decided on one then.

Thanks oyster and poncho, and yes stealth that was the point, it's not ME dictating and demanding, it's a joint thing.

I get the desperation you feel, as after my husband was diagnosed with cancer (at xmas time...) we were given 2 months to conceive before his treatment, which would make him infertile.
If you have no deadline then no need to rush, things will happen soon enough.
I also get where your husband is come from, it's a lot of pressure for him to "perform".
Don't give up the TTC gubbins if you don't want to, just don't tell him the best days etc.

Btw I now have a 7 month old daughter and a cancer free husband

If it helps, my DP asks in advance whether it's an ovulation week or not so he can budget his energy gym time accordingly, I think part of that is because we're both doing our parts as a team to get this joint venture going plus he knows I have a very long cycle so it's not as if we get a chance every month
But if he forgets to ask, I do give reminders with adequate notice

Great news SKP27!

Ok it's a joint decision but FFS he's allowed to change his mind for one night and not be in the mood.
Could you imagine the uproar if the sexes were reversed and you had a man moaning that one night (one night!!!!) his wife wasn't in the mood and he felt annoyed about it?!

OP, I get where you're coming from - if you've already had several months of disappointment and you can hear your bio clock ticking loudly, you become acutely aware of the short window of time that the egg is viable.

Except that's not the case. They have been ttc for 5 days.....

Completely agree hodge. Of course he's allowed to change his mind. I am just frustrated with the stereotype suggested by so many on here of the desperate woman who is nagging her reluctant husband t ttc.

Yes I understand and agree Stealth.

piglet this is not out first month.

When someone asked about timeframe for EOD I assumed (maybe wrongly) that they meant just this month, not overall.

Wow how romantic you sound. No wonder so many marriages break up if this is what is going on in households all over the country.

Thankfully we didn't want children but if we had we would have tried the normal way - just having sex when we both felt like it

Jesus Christ. All the people criticising and saying "relax and it'll happen", "it wasn't like that in our day". Get to fuck. Sometimes conception can't be romantic if there have been fertility issues. And RTFT - OP and her husband have already resolved the issue between them.

user148 I don't think that "too much sex" has frequently been given as grounds for divorce, unless the sex was with someone outside of the marriage
Seriously, unless you've TTC, then really, you don't know what it's like

It does sound like you are putting him under pressure to perform on demand and that he feels as though you are treating him as a sperm donor rather than your lover.

Be careful, if you put him under pressure to perform and he fails to do so because he's tired, or simply feeling that its just too clinical, that can create future problems with performance anxiety leading to a failure to perform which can become a vicious circle.

As others have said just relax and enjoy the ride (no pun intended)

I totally understand your disappointment OP. I felt exactly the same when TTC #2. Hang on in there. I ended up getting a digital clearblu monitor and got pregnant the first month using it. I figured that having sex literally on ovulation days as indicated by the monitor might ease some of the pressure of 'functional sex' and it worked. Best of luck

Just reverse it: should you forced to have sex against your will when you are tired?

Why does everyone think I'm forcing DH to have sex? Where did I say that I was demanding it?

I said WE agreed to make a conscious effort to have sex every other day during fertile window and on the day of ovulation DH decided he wasn't up for it and I was pissed off. No one is doing anything they don't want to.