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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To block my DH on twitter?

95 replies

MooseHunter · 02/05/2017 19:49

I recently started using twitter for work- related matters but I know DH has been on it for years, is a really prolific tweeter and has loads of followers. He's on it a lot. I recently had a look at his account and although he talks to both men and women there, his obvious flirting with women has really turned my stomach. He's a flirt in real life so I really don't think there is anything in this, but it isn't nice to see how he talks to some women and there is one woman in particular that although he doesn't talk to the most, appears to know quite a lot of stuff about his life that they haven't discussed in tweets (yes I looked) so I am a bit about her. I don't follow him and am not sure if he even knows I am on twitter so has no idea I have seen his tweets

I am of course now constantly checking his account to see what he is saying and who he is talking to and quite frankly it is driving me mad. I really wish I had never looked, I hate how this has made me feel. Should I block him so I don't have to see his tweets (and couldn't if I tried) and just say nothing to him? I do feel a bit like I am spying, tbh

(Usual name changed to protect the innocent etc)

OP posts:

CherylVole · 03/05/2017 22:25

Oh god how naff. Don't put your partners name on your bio

CherylVole · 03/05/2017 22:26

Depending on fhe app he uses you can see only people on thst list Almost to streak out everyone else. That's odd.
Go on as him. Block her

CherylVole · 03/05/2017 22:27

Stream

Original poster

MooseHunter · 03/05/2017 22:54

won't be changing my name to "Mrs X" on Twitter

Why would he have her on more than one list? I don't really understand it (as you can tell)

OP posts:

melj1213 · 03/05/2017 23:14

Lists are for different groups and you can basically filter your timeline to only see that group eg "Uni friends" "" "School mums" "couples friends" ....

So for example I am a football fan but I have friends who support lots of different teams, if we're having a general chat then I'll leave my TL as it is ... but if there's a game on then I'll filter it to only show people on my "Football" or "Manchester United" lists depending on how specific I want to be. Some people may fall into multiple groups - so a Uni friend who is also a football fan and likes Star Wars would be on all three of those lists.

Original poster

MooseHunter · 03/05/2017 23:19

Got it. Any reason why you would put one person on multiple lists which contain only that person?

OP posts:

melj1213 · 03/05/2017 23:49

There's no reason for that, but it could be that your DH has made them by mistake, or they used to contain more people but he's shifted groups around/deleted people/they've quit Twitter etc

The only way you're going to know why is TO TALK TO YOUR DH

VeryFoolishFay · 04/05/2017 01:07

Hmmm. I had similar concerns. My DH agreed, after a few discussions that his use of Twitter may have been leading into some dangerous areas and he voluntarily deleted his account. We're all much happier.

CherylVole · 04/05/2017 06:54

There's a lot of flirting on there. But think you need to talk

DontPullThatTubeOut · 04/05/2017 11:08

Ffs get off mumsnet where you are being encouraged to be paranoid and actually talk to your fucking husband without accusing him of cheating! This is why relationships fail, no communication!

JHMJHM · 04/05/2017 12:59

You are a classic point misser DontPull. The OP came on to ask about twitter first and foremost- for someone not familiar with it, it is confusing. And for someone not familiar with it, it can all seem very innocent. You keep using pejorative terms like 'paranoid', 'jealous', 'needy'. I was called ALL these things before I found out what was going on. It is all to easy to dismiss someones genuine (and often very correct) instincts as 'madness'. The OP sounds like a very sensible person who has gone for years without looking into his online activity, which is more than I could say for the vast majority of people. 'Communication' is all well and good but you are stuck with a load of gaslighting bullshit if the other person denies/deletes everything.

DontPullThatTubeOut · 04/05/2017 13:06

That's ok, you have your opinion and I have mine. The op has said she doesn't believe anything suspicious is going on but you all keep telling her there is. If you believe it is ok to worry someone to the point their relationship breaks down then fine by me, carry on.

JHMJHM · 04/05/2017 13:41

I sincerely hope she has absolutely nothing to worry about DontPull, but to blithely dismiss these sorts of activities as nothing is not being in the real world. One of my mates is in the middle of a gruesome divorce in which infidelity is central to the case. Much to her shock, her solicitor pulled up her TWITTER account and searched her name with (a.n.others) name together. What came up was pages and pages of very public, very racey ('flirty') interactions going back months. He advised her to get the hell off social media if she wanted to try and fight a decent case.

melj1213 · 04/05/2017 15:29

JHMJHM I feel like your bad experience has clouded your judgement here and you are advocating the OP to be suspicious and act on those suspicions without once speaking to her husband. The OP admits she doesn't understand Twitter, and for those of us who do use it regularly we have all said that whilst it could be something it could equally be nothing, and the easiest way to find out is for the OP to stop speculating and actually communicate with her DH and ask him these questions, not other people.

You even admit that your friend with the divorce is not getting divorced purely because of what happened on Twitter but their solicitor is using what they considered to be their perfectly innocent (if a bit flirty) conversations to make the point that what one party involved can read as innocent, another outside party can read as flirty/racy/infidelity.

Twitter is not the problem here, lack of communication is, and the only way to address this is for the OP and her DH to talk to each other and not the internet.

JHMJHM · 04/05/2017 16:11

Mel I completely agree- it has definitely informed and maybe clouded my judgement. But since being on twitter for years and subsequently coming off, I have definitely seen a step change in people kind of wakening up to realising what impact 'harmless' social media can have. Really didn't mean to hijack the OP with my own issues so I apologise.

Guess it rings so many bells and I find it hard not to make people very aware. I will reign it in. Wierdly this afternoon I have had a parallel RL conversation with someone who was very shocked to realise that her friends could read her twitter even though they had no account themselves. She honestly thought you had to have an account to read twitter. She was shocked when one of her 'none twitter' mates quoted her verbatim. I heed what you are saying though.

Original poster

MooseHunter · 05/05/2017 12:17

Spoken to DH. All ok. I casually mentioned to him I was on twitter and he said he knew and that he was actually following me (he was when I checked) and wondered why I hadn't followed him back. I said I would. All very normal and natural. Didn't ask him about specific people he talks to but don't really feel the need to now. Thanks for all help.

OP posts:

JHMJHM · 05/05/2017 16:31

Great news Moose- alls well x

DontPullThatTubeOut · 05/05/2017 17:57

I'm glad it turned out to be nothing, at least you can be at ease now.

Original poster

MooseHunter · 05/05/2017 18:32

Thanks. I think I was reading far too much into something I just don't understand or know enough about.

OP posts:

DontPullThatTubeOut · 05/05/2017 18:43

I think so too, but at least you asked on here first so didn't approach it in an angry manner. I'm happy things are sorted now though.

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