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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog

31 replies

Caretoomuch2017 · 02/05/2017 18:49

Sorry for long post - don't want to drip feed. Currently have no pets. Live in a modest 3 bed semi with DH and 1 DS who is a toddler. PIL want to come and visit which will be lovely except they want to bring their rather large dog. Its a lovely dog and very gentle but the idea of 4 adults, a toddler and a large dog in the house is too much. They refuse to put the dog in kennels and previously it has caused some upset when we've asked them not to bring the dog.
I went PT when we had DS due to cost of childcare. I naively thought this would also help me keep a tidy house... most days we go out because my DS needs the stimulation, meaning I just about get dishwasher/washing/tumble dryer loads done and the odd bit of hoovering the downstairs and that's all the energy I have to do. Everything else happens when it happens.
I personally find it stressful due to anxiety issues and I've never had a house this untidy. I get that having children means some mess - I've come to terms with that but I just can't cope with the added pet hair and mess that will come with the dog. It sheds a lot. We have no where for it to sleep. Its all open plan downstairs so there is no where to shut away at night which means it will end up on my light coloured sofa. The sofa can't be washed (on hindsight not the best idea with DC but we didn't have DC when we bought it).
I will not have a dog upstairs, I'm asthmatic and we have cream carpets upstairs too.
I do all the cooking too so it's just a lot of wrk and while I don't mind hosting PIL and cooking for them, I don't want the added cleaning that the dog will create. It's making me shake thinking about it.
I tried raising it with DH but he refuses to talk to his parents about it as it's my issue and because he doesn't want the conflict.
I'm feeling fed up. Why are my feelings ok to not consider in all of this?

AIBU to not want them to bring the dog? It's my house too.

OP posts:
Secretsweets · 02/05/2017 18:55

Just say "Sorry we can't really accommodate the dog as well, but we could try to find a dog friendly hotel near us if you like ?"

Secretsweets · 02/05/2017 18:58

Oh and yes, quite rightly, your house, your rules.

PNGirl · 02/05/2017 18:58

Well, you tell him if he won't talk to his parents as it's your issue, you won't run around after them and the dog cleaning and cooking as they're his parents.

In seriousness though, people and their dogs can be odd. If it's a short visit and already arranged I would be tempted to grit my teeth, ask them to bring multiple throws and put up with it this time. But not next.

FrancisCrawford · 02/05/2017 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/05/2017 19:01

YANBU. I have a dog, love them - but I entirely understand that not everyone would want him to stay.

If they won't countenance kennels, would they consider one of the other options e.g. Holiday4Dogs, where the dog is looked after in the home of a dog-lover? That's what we do with ours when we go on holiday, obviously it costs a bit more than kennels but it's very good, he stays with some lovely people.

Trifleorbust · 02/05/2017 19:02

I would set the tone now: you're very happy to have them to stay if they can put the dog in kennels or find a sitter. End of story.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/05/2017 19:04

Confine the dog to one room

She said in the OP, it's open plan.

QuiteLikely5 · 02/05/2017 19:04

Buy some cheap throws for the sofa -

ijustwannadance · 02/05/2017 19:07

Don't give a shit if related or not, no fucking way would I have a dog in my house. I don't have a dog and never will so why should I accommodate someone else's? Certainly wouldn't just to save face. But them i'm a stubborn bugger and no one would dare ask.

Stick to your guns op. Your DH is a wimp.

Original poster
Caretoomuch2017 · 02/05/2017 19:11

The thing is they know how we feel about it but every time they still expect for her to come. It's very frustrating and causes me massive stress until it is sorted.

Sorry I don't know how to tag people - I can't confine to one room and hoover only that as my downstairs is all one area (open plan) so there are no doors to close it off. Which then also creates the sofa seeping dog issue. I don't want dog blankets on my sofa either as it's material so the smell would transfer.

I have had dogs in the past so it's not the dog, it's the fact that we get treated like they are on holiday and no one picks up after said dog. I don't really want the mess inside the house with the fur or the faeces in my garden where my toddler plays.

I just would rather have them and no dog. They just never seem to listen. Previously they have made arrangements but sadly the person who could have the dog is unavailable. They won't put her in kennels or a pet hotel. I've suggested that before.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 02/05/2017 19:11

I have a massive dog.
If I am invited to stay somewhere I wouldn't expect them to host my dog too.
If they don't want to use a kennel how about a house sitter or someone who has the dog at their house?
And as for all your reasons? You don't need to justify it. You don't want the dog there. That's enough.

smallchanceofrain · 02/05/2017 19:12

YANBU. I have a dog and I adore her but I understand that no everyone would want her staying at their house. You need to explain to DH that either he speaks to his parents about making alternative arrangements for the dog or they won't be staying with you. If you give in now they will expect that you will always accommodate the dog.

bluebellrailway · 02/05/2017 19:16

Tell them no yourself, and if that means they cancel their visit so be it. I refuse to have dogs in my house. I've upset friends in the past by refusing to have their dog stay. I don't care. It is rude to expect a pet free house to host a smelly hairy pet in exactly the same way as it would be rude to smoke in a smoke free house.

MetalMidget · 02/05/2017 19:19

I have a small-mediumish sized dog. He's lovely, friendly and gentle, non-drooling, pleasantly fragrant (most of the time...), hypoallergenic and doesn't moult (as he has hair rather than fur). I still wouldn't expect or demand anyone to host him in their home.

HappyFlappy · 02/05/2017 19:20

We have three dogs, but would not expect other people to put up with them.

Your house, your rules. I don't go anywhere without my dogs, either, but I make arrangements for accommodation that accepts them.

Depending on the breed of dog, lovely or not, it will bring dirt in with it. Obviously long-haired breeds carry more mud and dust and grime than short-haired; breeds that shed Like most short-haired dogs), leave more hair and dander than those that don't (even poodles shed dander); dogs with a water-repellent single coat (e.g. springers) leave a lot more dust than dogs with a double-coat (e.g. many terriers), because the earth and mud dries on them very quickly and then quite literally slides off their coats and forms a film of dust on every surface - and doubtless inside your lungs, too.

You have a baby; you choose not to have a pet - you have every right not to have someone else's foisted into your home.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/05/2017 19:20

If they don't have a pet carer any more, they really need to find one - and if they don't have family or friends who can do it, seriously they should try www.holidays4dogs.co.uk/. You get to meet the people beforehand, so that you can decide if you like them and just as important whether they like and can cope with your dog!

HappyFlappy · 02/05/2017 19:22

the person who could have the dog is unavailable

Suggest that they come at another time.

Trifleorbust · 02/05/2017 19:43

They need to stop ignoring you WRT the dog. They are invited to your home. The dog isn't. It really isn't more complicated than that.

lizzyj4 · 02/05/2017 19:46

YANBU - it is unbelievably selfish unfair of them to expect you to accommodate their dog with all the attendant mess and inconvenience.

rodrickrules · 02/05/2017 19:50

We have a dog, it's small and doesn't shed. My DS has said that when we holiday with her we can bring it with us. I don't do this as her DH really doesn't like dogs and one of her dc is also scared of them, it is their house and wouldn't be fair on them. I wouldn't want someone bringing a pet spider into my house! Our dog either stays with a dog walker or gets visited by one, finding care is pretty easy.

pennypickle · 02/05/2017 19:55

I have a dog. I love him to bits....I wouldn't expect anyone else to put up with his mess though. Tell them you would love to accommodate them and suggest local kennels. Good Luck x

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 02/05/2017 19:57

If they show up with it follow it around with dog deodorant and air freshener. .
And make sure it's your dh who is hosting all of his guests.

Domino20 · 02/05/2017 19:57

Any travelodge near you? They take dogs and the only added cost is £20 per stay. Book them into one sharpish!

brummiesue · 02/05/2017 19:59

Please stand your ground, tell them to rearrange if they wont find someone to have the dog. I empathise as have dog/relative issues of my own Sad no way would I have a dog in my house regardless of the pressure.

Lazyginger · 02/05/2017 22:24

Please stand your ground! I have cats and am petrified of dogs after being bitten as a child. Dfil was desperate to meet 1st grandson 1 day after we got home. (I understand this) after I ended up with an emergency section (wasn't in the best of states as you can imagine) no one was available to dogsit. Large strong bouncy dog with no manners was brought to stay the whole weekend despite my protests. Tried to jump up on me several times. I was petrified again due to very sore tummy as well as huge dog. Cats petrified after being chased. And now I have a big problem with cat piss after they decided they needed to mark their territory. All weekend I consigned myself to my bedroom. In my own house. Never ever again. Don't do it!

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