To feel so torn about breastfeeding?

[opalescent]

I am so preoccupied at the moment regarding feeding.
My baby is 12 weeks old, and predominantly breastfed. She has a formula feed in the late evening, so that I can go to bed early, and DP does this. She seems happy enough with this.

I really feel ready to stop breastfeeding now, but am agonising over my particular list of pros and cons.

Pros-
breast milk is nutritionally best
It's free, and always ready and available to give. No faffing, sterilising etc.
She likes breastfeeding. It's sweet, and close and calming.
(To me) formula smells horrible, and it puts me off wanting to give it to her all the time.

Cons-
My boobs are constantly huge, which is a pain. I hate the way they look. Nothing fits. I'm tiny, so they're really disproportionate. They are often very tender, and I have a really strong and painful letdown. My 4 year old regularly clambers over me and elbows or knees me in the boob, which is so painful.
Leaking.
Having to wear breast pads every day 😡 which are sweaty and uncomfortable and make my boobs look even bigger.

I really want to stop. AIBU?

If breast feeding is making you miserable then replace with formula. It really is as simple as that really. Babies need happy mums, breast milk is just a bonus.

It's your body, so you're not unreasonable to choose what to do with it.

I completely understand your cons list and felt many of the same things at the same point in time, but if it's any reassurance my boobs really settled down just after 12 weeks when the feeding was more established and my baby was going longer between feeds. The leaking and need for breast pads also stopped just after that too. But it's completely your choice to make and you wouldn't be unreasonable either way.

You body; your choice.

I'm lazy though and all the faffing with bottles and sterilizing and remembering to buy it would have driven me bonkers. I liked; have boobs, will travel.

You wouldn't be U to stop if you really want to but the reasons you give are odd. Clothes don't fit as well vs amazing nutrition for your DD? Not wearing breast pads vs the insane amount of extra works that comes with bottle feeding?

Your breasts will settle down. Give it some more time.

I get it about the 4yo - mine was crawling on me trying to squeeze the milk out the other day. 🙄 Hilarious. But it's just a vague annoyance compared to the special bond you will have with your DD if you keep breastfeeding.

I also hate the smell of formula so I get where you're coming from. I hate giving it to mine but I do when I'm desperate after feeding frenzies. If you stop breastfeeding there is no going back. If you're going to spend month after month feeling bad every time you feed her then just stick with what you're doing.

And don't forget how much more mobile you are with breastfeeding. No packing bottles and separate formula and planning and having enough but chucking it straight away if she doesn't want it etc. With breastfeeding you just go where you want stress free!

Whatever you decide, 3 months is amazing and you've done a wonderful thing for your DD.

I had similar feelings at the same stage and started to make the switch. Then I suddenly really regretted it and went back to exclusive breastfeeding and carried on until eight months when he stopped of his own accord. I think just knowing I could stop helped me psychologically.

After a year of your body being owned by another individual it's quite reasonable to want it back. Could you begin to reduce quite slowly so you can have the option of feeding either way for another month or two?

I second that your breasts will settle down. Mine felt like they were going to explode for the first few weeks.

Same with the breast pads. Once the supply evens out you can ditch them.

It's so hard for a while but in the long run so much easier. Plus all the benefits you said already.

Try reusable breast pads. Much comfier!

Your body your choice, however both times my boobs have settled down sometime not long after 12 weeks.

Also what pads are you using? I found Johnsons and lansinoh much more comfortable than others.

It's completely your choice. If you're feeling so unhappy then it may be better to.
I chose to exclusively formula feed. I was clear from the start that I didn't even want to try breastfeeding, so I didn't.
And once you get into a routine, making bottles is so easy, if that's what you choose to do of course.
Plenty of babies are happy and healthy on formula, and there's nothing wrong with not breastfeeding.

No ones decision but yours.

I never wanted to breastfeed for a number of reasons. I committed to giving my DS the colostrum but then found BFing so easy that I carried on.

I thought about doing it for 12 weeks (he's now 13 weeks) but, with my DH giving a night time bottle, there would really be no benefit to my life if I stopped now, so I'm carrying on.

If you want to stop, stop. You don't need a reason.

Totally up to you. It's your body.

I personally don't give a toss about the whole FF vs BF debacle. I had no desire to BF so I didn't. I feel no guilt. My daughter is healthy and happy and we are very close.

If you keep going a bit longer things will more than likely settle down, but if you want to stop then stop. It's your choice, there is no law against it.

Alright formula doesn't smell great but there's nothing wrong with it.

I'd give it another month as it was post 12 weeks when my boobs settled down and I stopped feeling engorged/ leaking etc.
When that happens it does all feel easier.

"You wouldn't be U to stop if you really want to but the reasons you give are odd. Clothes don't fit as well vs amazing nutrition for your DD? Not wearing breast pads vs the insane amount of extra works that comes with bottle feeding?

Your breasts will settle down. Give it some more time."

All of this.

It's your body and you can absolutely do whatever you want! All I would say is the leaking, boobs feeling massive thing really does calm down around the 3/4 month mark. My Ds is 10 months and still bf, my boobs never leak now, haven't worn a breast pad in months and they always feels feel pretty soft and normal.

I'm not trying to persuade you to carry on if you don't want to at all but if that's the only reason for dtipping and you're happy with everything else it might be worth waiting just a couple more weeks to see if you feel differently.

You've done brilliantly whatever you decide.

If your only reasons for wanting to stop are the ones you listed, those problems will be gone within a few weeks if you're willing to persevere.

I ended up doing some supplementary formula feeds once I went back to work (back in the dark ages before decent maternity leave) and I found the whole washing and sterilising a total pain. And that was back in the days when you just made the bottles up the night before and kept them in the fridge so a lot less hassle than now.

I also found the physical dscomfort/leaking etc settled down between 12-16 weeks.

Just a thought - is your baby taking a full feed or are they favouring the let down so frequent short feeds (cos it's less work for them) ? I'm not a bf expert but had a similar experience of leaking, oversupply etc. and that was why. Once dd got bigger and could feed more strongly it all calmed down.

I also had the painful letdown thing - often accompanied by a feeling of sadness - apparently it's a thing - but again that went away over time.

But of course YANBU if you want to stop. There's pros and cons to both options and it's just what works best for you and your baby.

If you want to stop, yanbu to stop. If you wanted to carry on, ywnbu to carry on. Nobody has any business telling you to give it some more time, any more than they'd have any business telling you not to. Your body, your baby, your choice.

I seem to find I'm OK with bf for a while then one day the leaking, frequent feeding etc get to me and I want to stop so I decide to add a formula feed to start to wind it down then a week later I've got rid of it again, done this several times in the 14 weeks feeding DD so far. You don't have to make a quick decision, do what is best for you.

I pretty much stopped for the same reasons, at about the same time.

I hated my boobs, they were massive and massive nursing bras are shit and ugly and made me look fat and frumpy when in fact I was back in my size 10 jeans. I hated feeding in public - my boobs were a GG and there is no "just pop the baby on" with that! You have to haul your whole boob out!

So I stopped for vanity really and I don't even care about admitting that. Happy mum, happy baby.

Thank you for all your replies, I really value the input.

I totally agree that my reasons are a little bit odd (specific?), and I guess that's why I'm worried that I may regret stopping.

It's great to know that the huge leaky boob thing may not be forever. And I'll definitely invest in some more expensive pads if they are loads better!!

I am intrigued by the comment about whether she is opting for shorter, more regular feeds rather than longer more filling ones. I think that's definitely the case.

I'm so torn. Today I have attempted to give a formula feed, as it's always dp doing it normally. I just found it so dribbly and fussy for her. It really put me off.
And yet I also have huge uncomfortable boobs today, so am cross and wanting my boobs back to normal!!!😡😡

Rollonbedtime did you stop gradually or cold turkey? How long did it take for your milk to go? You sound just like me!!!

You could drop a feed and see how you feel. Then drop another and see how you feel... you might find a level that you're happy with that isn't completely stopped. If you don't, then you've dropped down gradually (I dont think stopping cold turkey is recommended st this stage!)

Completely up to you and fed is best.
I had a similar wobble at 12 weeks but a chat with my friend sparked something in me and I had no real reason to give up and so I thought I'd keep at it a bit longer and I suddenly turned a corner mentally and found it much easier and kept going until 7 months when I wanted my body back (and periods back to try again!).
I think the 4th trimester is tricky so maybe not rush into any decisions. You've done amazingly well to get to this stage, whatever you decide.

YANBU at all.

I found reusable pads way more comfortable than disposable though if that would help.