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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Selling versus charity shop donations - my friend thinks I'm tight!

90 replies

alwaystiredneversleeping · 01/05/2017 12:29

The other day I bumped into a 'friend' on my way to the post office. I had lots of parcels with me as I was off to post my ebay sales.

So she says 'ooohh what are all those parcels'. I told her, it was various bits, mainly clothing and also some unused cosmetics, pair of shoes etc...

Anyway her reaction shocked me a bit. She started questioning why I wasn't just giving this stuff to a charity shop. She said she could see why I would sell stuff that is new and unwanted but it was 'a bit stingy' to be selling second hand stuff when charity shops need donations and I'm only going to make a couple of quid off it. She then told me that whenever she doesn't need something anymore she always gifts it either to the charity shop or a given in kindness page on Facebook.

I'm a nurse, not long qualified so bottom of the band 5 pay scale and my partner has a good job so our income isn't terrible when combined, we get by - don't splash out but live comfortably enough. We do have a lot of debt though from when I was a student and also debt built up in my name from a previous relationship that I was lumped with, so even though its just a few quid here and there it does add up when I can make little sales, but I'm not desperate for the extra cash to get by on.

I guess my AIBU is AIBU to think that this 'friend' was quite mean to me. Although perhaps she didn't understand that her comment could have been hurtful?

Or am I actually a bit tight? I do donate to charity shops but it tends to be smaller bits a bobs such as kids teddies, used books, unwanted little toys. The kind of stuff that wouldn't be worth selling but is too good for the bin as charity shop could get a quid or so for it.

As I walked away I started to think maybe I am a bit of a scrooge!

OP posts:

BagelGoesWalking · 01/05/2017 13:26

I rarely sell on eBay. When I have it's often reselling things I've bought on there which haven't fit properly.

I'm so glad other people sell their things through! Like barely worn hiking boots that my daughter used for 3 weeks on a summer camp! I could sell them again but they're my size so I'm keeping! Likewise Dr Martens which I'd never buy new but she wore for a couple of years and which I've passed on to her cousin now.

Judydreamsofhorses · 01/05/2017 13:28

I go through phases of ebay selling, and also put stuff to charity shops - if it's something that will be a pain to pack up and post I tend to donate it. My partner's currently unemployed and my last bout of eBay sales paid for some treats in the Easter holidays we'd otherwise have done without. I think your friend was rude - it's none of her business.

Crackedidiot · 01/05/2017 13:29

I give stuff to charity as the whole Ebay scenario is a nightmare to me. Just couldnt fit the uploading photos, description,sorting,packing and posting into my life at the moment. Plus a lot of my stuff is already 2nd hand so its really hardly worth the bother.

Also a friend ebays all of her stuff but has had so many bad experiences that it puts me off even trying. She sold a lot of her dds clothes and shoes - good quality stuff barely worn. The end price barely covered the postage but she thought it still worth the effort since it another little girl would benefit .Her DH did all the final part of the listing .He took the stuff to the post office - but posted it by the most expensive way rather than the cheapest way as quoted for P&P so the post alone outweighed the price paid. To top if off the destination on the address was for an industrial unit so was probably going to a dealer. She cried.

Having said that - dont pay any attention to your friend .She may have her own reasons for not ebaying or she may just have been prattling on without thinking about what shes saying. Do what suits you .

BadLad · 01/05/2017 13:30

Tell her thanks for kindly donating her nose, but can she come and take it back because you no longer want it stuck in your business.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 01/05/2017 13:31

I can't be arsed with eBay selling - we've a really little house with no spare storage. When I'm done with stuff I want it out of my house ASAP, so drop it at the nearest charity shop.

However, as previous posters have said, I'm glad other people don't feel the same. We've had some great eBay bargains, especially during the baby years - things like slings and jumperoos which are quite expensive given the relatively short time you need them for.

Frazzled2207 · 01/05/2017 13:35

None of her business. I've ebayed the stuff I have which is of value, rest of it donated.
Ebaying is definitely more faffy but I've never given a second thought as to whether I should NOT do it.
If nobody wants it it gets donated but obviously my kids benefit if I make a few quid out of it. So what?

Justaboy · 01/05/2017 13:36

Napoleon he say;

"England is a nation of shop keepers" but don't suppose he thought of e-bayers;)

Your mate is a sanctimonious twit!

Freyanna · 01/05/2017 13:37

Yanbu You can do what you like with your own things, what a cheek. I have bought lots of things on Ebay.

ragged · 01/05/2017 13:39

Ur friend does sound a bit mean.
Ebaying stuff for ££ motivates me to get rid of it when I'm not totally sure whether we could use it again. My instincts are towards hoarding so Ebay is what I need to not hoard so much.

I give £25 in cash each month & plenty bags of stuff to charity shop, too.
It's never ending the amount of stuff that I'm eyeing up wondering... do I REALLY still need that. Ebaying means that although I may buy some stuff back (previously sold), I know I didn't just lose money on it all like if I had given it away. Hauled something very useful out today (meth stove) that has I needed just 3x in last 18 yrs... still am very glad I kept it.

BattleaxeGalactica · 01/05/2017 13:40

You don't have to justify to anyone what you do with your own stuff. I give stuff I think saleable a go on eBay or at car boot sales and if it doesn't go it goes to charity then.

Your friend is a beady eyed busybody. Do what suits you.

Hillarious · 01/05/2017 13:40

I like to pass things on to friends and relatives - I used to love getting bags of stuff for the DC from others when they were growing up. I've just recently given DS's fish tank and all the paraphernalia that goes with it to one of his friends (well actually DS did).

I think YABU to sell the stuff rather than give it away. What goes around comes around and the emergence of eBay is doing its utmost to kill off jumble sales and the likelihood of someone generously passing on their unwanted clothes to you.

Jayfee · 01/05/2017 13:40

Good for you to show some entrepreneurial spirit

annandale · 01/05/2017 13:43

What a painful conversation. Nothing to do with her.

I've got very cautious about selling on ebay because it's an increasing amount of faff for a decreasing amount of money, and am likewise careful what I buy because I assume a lot of it is stolen, but it is really helpful sometimes and I am very glad that the kind of seller I like (ordinary used stuff on auction) still puts stuff on there. Charity shops are really picky round our way, there's one that will only let you donate if you can gift aid (i.e. you have to be a taxpayer) and another that keeps running out of space for donations. Charity shops have their own ethical problems, you could argue that having shops that don't pay business rates or wages is driving down the tax take and jobs in the local community and they are involved with the whole second-hand clothes to the developing world industry which is INCREDIBLY problematic and murky. If you like it and it works for you, keep doing it - last time I looked ebay was legal.

metalmum15 · 01/05/2017 13:43

Ragged Meth stove? Are you secretly Walter White?

metalmum15 · 01/05/2017 13:43

Ragged Meth stove? Are you secretly Walter White?

annandale · 01/05/2017 13:44

hillarious I've really pissed off some people by offering them ds's second hand stuff - lots of people don't like it.

I17neednumbers · 01/05/2017 13:45

In some ways I prefer selling on ebay (clothes, old magazines, books, for very low prices generally) than donating because if things sell, you at least know they're going to someone who wants them!

Whereas I always have this sneaking suspicion that things may eventually get binned from a charity shop.

Or at least that is how I console myself when, yet again, I underestimate the ebay postage...
Another reason I also like donating to jumble sales where they sell things really cheaply - more chance that they will end up being reused.

madja · 01/05/2017 13:46

No you are not unreasonable to sell your stuff through eBay. I have an ok income, but sell what I assess to be good quality things in good nick. I donate other stuff to charity. It's not greedy, it's just common sense. For example, my ds's school shoes. Have to be Clark's for the fit and ankle support. They cost me alot of cash and they last 3 months. If I sell them on I can get cash towards his next pair. You know what they say, look after the pennies!

IamRonnieBiggs · 01/05/2017 13:47

YANBU and the people who try to make you feel bad can piss off

Your things and you can do what you like with them. They can open up their bank accounts and show how much they give away and not just their old unwanted stuff

If you need the money you need the money. No one expects you to go to work and hand over your earnings to charity when you need it

I do a bit of both - actually the majority to charity as I only sell the things it's worth selling - some of those things I bought from eBay in the first place

Remember lots of charity shops are very overpriced now and eBay is the only place people on low incomes can afford to buy things.

Like someone else said - I hope all that criticise eat gruel and give all their money away (but not their hair shirts though )

madja · 01/05/2017 13:48

Yes, was also going to say, I like the idea of stuff going to someone who wants and will get use from it.

metalmum15 · 01/05/2017 13:49

Hillarious thats rubbish. As people have stated on here, for every person who sells on ebay, there's 10 more who can't be arsed and take everything to the charity shop. And lots of us who do sell still charity as well. Charity shops where I am refuse things like books because they already have too many they can't sell. You're lucky you know people you can pass things onto.

imjessie · 01/05/2017 13:52

She sounds like a horrible snob !! Do what you like and take no. Price of her ! I'm pretty well off and I still sell anything I don't need anymore that is in good condition. Everything else goes to charity . I enjoy it and love selling something on for near the amount I paid .. I've had comments before but I don't give a flying fuck .. ignore her !!!

DeadGood · 01/05/2017 13:55

"What does she do when she changes her car? Give the old one away? Thought not. So her approach is no different to yours, it's just the point at which it makes sense for you to sell is different to hers."

So well put

ChippyTea16 · 01/05/2017 13:58

What a bellend. YANBU. It's none of her business what you do!

Hillarious · 01/05/2017 13:58

I suppose I am lucky having people I can pass things on to. It's lovely seeing younger children wearing the clothes my DC enjoyed wearing, a lot which had been passed on to me.

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