About wedding guest

[Newlee]

I probably am and should let it go but just want to vent and see if anyone else would be irritated by this?

Myself and DH recently got married. One of DH's friends is very successful he is about 20 years older than us and a multi millionaire. He and DH used to be close (met through a charity event when DH was very young) but not so much any more as this friend was a bit rude to DH a couple of times. He used to employ DH to do odd jobs for him and then DH got a proper job and couldn't do it anymore- I think maybe the friend didn't like that DH didn't rely on him anymore?

Anyway DH used to talk about this friend and his wife a lot and say how much they wanted to meet me. I met the wife a few years ago after DH and I had been dating about 6 months and found her a real cold snooty fish. She was barely polite.

DH and I got married a few weeks ago and we invited friend and his wife, she declined the invitation so friend asked if he could bring their daughter (14). We weren't having children but said yes as DH knows the daughter well.

All through the service the daughter had her head in her hands or sleeping with her forehead resting on the chair in front. The father did nothing to discourage that. He had worn a suit and trainers (old dirty ones) and the dress code was smart so not sure why he did that. He approached me after the meal to ask if we own or rent. That's all he said to me.

I want to tell DH I don't want to see this family again I think they look down on us and are rude, WIBU to say I don't want to see them again?

I think YABU about the dd head in her hands and the trainers, but I can see why this family haven't endeared themselves to you.

If your DH isn't close to them, I wouldn't make statements like 'I never want to see them again'. It may be the friendship dies a natural death or DH just stays in touch with his friend separately.

I doubt I would have noticed anyone's shoes or head in hands at my wedding, and wouldn't really care.

Not sure what his age and wealth has to do anything.

Just do what his wife does, avoid and leave her dh to see you

He does sound rude but not don't let him be what you remember about your wedding just forget him and leave him to your dh to see

You can certainly not see them again. But don't expect your DH not to.

Time to cross them off the Christmas card list and move on. You can't be putting up with that sort of behaviour.

Chloe84

If you had a 14 year old child would you allow them to have their head in their hands sleeping through a wedding ceremony? One that you had asked if they could be invited to? I think that's very rude indeed but I don't have teenage children.

No, I wouldn't, but maybe she was sick/tired and didn't have much of a choice about going? Equally possible she was bored but didn't have the manners to pretend. It's not something I would hold against a child (my niece is 14). Was she bratty?

As I said, I can see why they haven't endeared themselves to you. YANBU to not want to spend time with them, but I would leave DH to it.

He doesn't really sound like a friend, more like an ex-employer. How often would you see him anyway? DH probably knows how you feel anyway, maybe now move on and only discuss it again if the subject of seeing him arises?

Why on Earth did you invite them at all?!

Presumably you weren't aware of the sleeping teenager at the time so why would it bother you afterwards? And who would even bother telling you about it? I would just let dh carry on the friendship, there's no reason for you to ever meet them again

you don't have to see them but your dh can decide for himself who he wants to see.

Did the child sleeping ruin your day? On the day I married the man I loved you know what I couldn't get worked up about it. Teenagers can be odd

How is the friend being a multi millionaire in anyway relevant to this?

Not sure what his age and wealth has to do anything.

Nor me. In fact it has nothing to do with it at all!

It was probably tediously dull for a 14 year old but, a bit disrespectful, all the same

I don't see a problem with a 14y old at a child-free wedding - they're not likely to run about shrieking and there's no need for a "colourful" best man speech etc to be modified for a person of this age. But, I can't imagine why the 14 year old agreed to be her dad's plus-one at wedding where there were no other teenagers present - of course she was bored, and her attitude was disgraceful. She shoukd have stayed at home.

Leave your husband to it. There's no need for you to see these people again.

I think they were both extremely rude and clearly aren't friends of yours or your DH if they feel that's an ok way to behave at your wedding.

Congrats on getting hitched!

I mentioned his age and wealth because I was trying to say his social standing (for want of a better term) is way beyond ours, and I was wondering if he felt he was doing us a favour coming to our wedding hence the scruffy clothes. Also he fact he approached me in order to ask whether or not we own or rent our home- it's more like I feel he was there judging how wealthy we are. I think it's relevant because I get the impression he always liked to be the one doing DH the favour and wants to be "top dog" if you see what I mean?

No-one mentioned the sleeping teenager to me I saw her as I walked in and out of Church (she was on the end of a pew next to the aisle) and I just thought it rude.

Forget the sleeping teen - no good will come of dwelling on it further

Let DH have a friendship with the man if he wants to, it doesn't mean that you have to give him anymore headspace

Teen may have been poorly and/or coerced to be her Dad's plus 1. I would not give her another thought - she's not responsible for her parents' behaviour.

The bloke and his wife sound like quite rude weirdos. YANBU to not want to see them again. If your DH does, just say they don't float your boat but if he wants to see them on his own, that's fine by you.

He's a patronising pillock. Try not to give him another thought.
Up to DH how he deals with it but hopefully you yourself don't need to ever see him, his DW or his DD again.
Sure you've lots of good memories of people who care about you at your wedding. Concentrate on those.

We had a few rude guests at our wedding, family and close family friends so people who should of really known better. I couldn't of cared less on the day because we were having such a wonderful time, it upset me a bit a couple of weeks later then when the photos came through I forgot it all again! I don't know why adults can't behave themselves at someone's wedding but it says more about them than you. I wouldn't bother saying anything to DH now but if he suggests meeting up just say you don't want to see them and leave him to it. Focus on the happy memories of your special day. Oh and congratulations!

How old was your DH when he met him? This sounds like quite an odd power-imbalanced relationship.

In any case, I would stay away from it. If your DH isn't happy with how he's been treated in the past, it might just fade out.

I wonder why his wife's avoiding you? It's all quite odd.

I think you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder about class/social standing, and I think you have changed convinced yourself
They look down on you because if that. (I also have an issue with your wedding having a dress code, but that's just me).

Restless

The venue had a dress code, why on earth do you have an issue with that, you weren't invited?

How on earth were you noticing what she was doing during the ceremony? Surely you had other things to be getting on with, like getting married!

You had a couple of guests who didn't quite live up to your expectations, hey ho. Don't let it tarnish your day -life's too short and a marriage too long.

I think that the age and wealth thing is important in that it shows that he isnt likely to misunderstand the behaviour and dress expectations of a wedding. If he was young bloke who had never been to a wedding before, or down on his luck so wore the smartest clothes he had even if they werent that smart, then it would have been more understandable. But an older man who is ok for money should have done better and it does seem like he dressed that way to make some sort of point although I would want to hazard a guess as to what it was!

He sounds like he gets his kicks by being billy big bollocks and doesnt like other people doing well. You get people like that who cant be happy for you if you better yourself as they feel it threatens their positon, which is stupid but there you go.

All you can do is keep your distance. The wife clearly feels that you dont come up to scratch and the husband isnt far behind her in terms of attitude. If your DH wants to see them then let him, but you dont have to.