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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Could you just...?"

62 replies

Ellybellyboo · 01/05/2017 09:47

WIBU to poke the next person who asks me this in the eye?

I'm a keen crafter, lots of sewing, dress making, knitting, etc. I do quite a few favours for friends and family - shortening trousers, etc, and I really don't mind, but most people always start with "can you just....." and the 'just' bit is beginning to piss me off.

Had a friend round yesterday who asked me if I could "just" make some curtains for her DD's 4 poster bed out of some duvet covers.

I find the 'just' a bit minimising if you see what I mean. I don't mind doing any of it, but it's really not a case of "just". I don't expect them to kiss my arse, but most of the time they're asking for quite a big favour

OP posts:
Gingersstuff · 01/05/2017 10:57

People don't value anything that they don't have to pay for. Start charging.

scaryclown · 01/05/2017 10:57

When i worked in admin i had a 'five minute job' list of all the 'it'll only take five minutes' tasks, and invited people to add it to the bottom, where there was a total on each page of how many DAYS we were up to of five minute jobs. It was fun watching them get it.
Have a book that allocates a free job a week, then you can easily say, well if it's a free job i cant do it until late October, but you could pay and have it done by the end of the month...

icanteven · 01/05/2017 10:57

Yep. I'm a freelance web designer, and the minute somebody says a job is going to be really "simple" or "easy" you know they're going to UTTERLY TAKE THE PISS.

Respond with "Absolutely! My day rate is £500, so let me just take a look and work out how many days or hours it's going to take and I'll get back to you tomorrow morning. Is that okay? I have a lot of projects on right now though, so it could be late June."

So fucking cheeky.

When I sense people gearing up to asking me to "just" build them a site, I mention my day rate and suggest it might be "faster" for them to sign up for Squarespace.

Logolphin · 01/05/2017 10:58

O gosh, that's a big job, I will have to check my diary and see when I have a long weekend free!

AlternativeTentacle · 01/05/2017 11:00

'Oh if it is just a small job, why not go on you tube and do it yourself. My rates are extortionate for jobs like that'.

Ceto · 01/05/2017 11:03

YANBU. "Just" is putting a couple of buttons on or doing an easy hem, it definitely is not making curtains. Seriously, if you get asked to do this regularly, you should set up as a business - not only would it make you some money, but when they ask "Could you just" you can send them a quote.

Original poster
Ellybellyboo · 01/05/2017 11:05

Thanks all!

I was wondering if I was being a bit of a grinch about it.

I don't do everything I'm asked. I've said no to the duvet curtains. There's not enough fabric to make what she wants for a start, but people have also asked for fancy dress costumes, etc. Depends on closeness of friend/whether they take the piss. Actually, good friends don't do the 'just' thing

I would actually like to start a business. Not so much repairs/turning up trousers/replacing zips but I've got into quilting and applique and would like to do more of that sort of stuff but I also have a full time job so finding time is a bit of an issue.

DH runs his own printing company and he gets the same - "can you just print off 1029462819 full colour A1 posters". He might do mates rates sometimes as a favour, but people get really arsey when he won't do it for free

OP posts:
AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 01/05/2017 11:05

Omg...just this second, DH has come in and told me he's agreed to "just" run up a pair of curtains for a bay window!

I need to show him this thread don't I?

MidniteScribbler · 01/05/2017 11:09

I understand completely OP. I mosaic, and I had the 'could you "just" do a little job for me?'. Turns out they wanted half the side of their house done!

Clandestino · 01/05/2017 11:09

If you don't start charging for it, they will always believe that it's just a quick business, especially if they aren't your really good friends so they don't perceive it as a kindness which they would normally return in a way suitable for them. Tell them of course and ask for money.

LostGarden · 01/05/2017 11:10

OP have you considered that you might have the time for your business if you weren't "just" doing all these other jobs?

MrsExpo · 01/05/2017 11:10

Feeling your pain on this one. I'm a decent (but "amateur") photographer who specialises in doing pictures of horses - both portraits and action shots at events. This is strictly a hobby and I do take pictures of lots of other stuff as well. But, as I know a huge number of horsey people, I get "could you just pop over to to get some shots of me and Dobbin doing the show jumping .....", or "could you just pop over to do a quick portrait of Dobbin for me ....".

So, I drive to their place, spend an hour doing the shoot, drive home spend another couple of hours processing the images to portrait standard, use literally thousands of pounds worth of camera and computer gear in the process, use skills I've learned over years of practice, spend money on professional quality prints and mounts and they offer me a fiver for my trouble!!!! (If I'm lucky!!) ....

The answer is to charge a reasonable amount for time to cover costs and make a bit of pin money on top and if they aren't prepared to pay it, then just say no. I admit I struggled with telling people there would be a charge for my time at first, especially friends, but if you don't you'll "just" get taken advantage of and feel resentful.

The other issue ... while i'm typing ... is where do you draw the line on who is and is not a friend in this context? Is someone you know vaguely having met them somewhere once a year ago a friend who can expect "mates rates"? I do offer mates rates to people I know well, but have now grown a backbone and tell everyone else the full price for my services. If they demur, I politely explain all of the above ... mostly, it wouldn't have occurred to them that great portraits (like made to measure curtains etc) don't appear by magic. They take work and experience if the finished product is worth having, and if it's worth having, it's worth paying for.

(Phew ..... thanks for giving me the opportunity to get that off my chest ... ... Smile .....)

rwalker · 01/05/2017 11:12

tell her to cut them out pin them and you will machine them . then she will know how much work involved . like to see how she gets out of that

FurryLittleTwerp · 01/05/2017 11:15

People will often take the piss if you let them. I don't think they even realise they're doing it half the time Hmm

SeaCabbage · 01/05/2017 11:20

In the workplace, I often say "well yes i will do it but it's not just, it's going to take an hour". You can challenge these things calmly.

I think other posters have offered some fantastic responses to piss takers. I hope they get used Smile.

RandomWordsandaNumber5 · 01/05/2017 11:23

I think that when some people realise that you know one end of a sewing machine from the other, they consider their duty to fill your day with their chores. I'm a keen dressmaker and started to get this so I now always say - 'no, sorry, I'm a selfish sewer'. Said with a smile, everyone seems to accept it just fine and I don't get pestered. Seriously there's no pleasure for me in sewing for anyone else.

Original poster
Ellybellyboo · 01/05/2017 11:24

I had a photography phase a few years ago and people started taking the piss.

If we were all out together at the beach or something I'd take some pics. If they were nice I'd email it to them, but then people started asking if I could take some photos so they could give them out as Christmas presents, or take some family portraits as 'proper photographers are so expensive'.

I'd always refuse as it was always the acquaintance/mum from school that I barely know/not close friends who'd ask. And 'proper photographers' are expensive for a reason

This kind of stuff is only really a hobby for me.

It's my fun thing, I'm not sure if I want it to be a work thing. Time is a bit of an excuse really, I'm not entirely sure I want to make a proper business. I enjoy the creative part of it, I'm not sure it would be fun if I have to make stuff I don't like.

I'm a bit of a fly-by-night really. I flit from one thing to another a lot. I've got about a million projects on the go at any one time. Once I've learned how to do something I tend to lose interest quite quickly

OP posts:
AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 01/05/2017 11:27

"Proper photographers"??? There's your answer. These people do NOT value either your time or your skills!

That just sent me raging for you!

Chloe84 · 01/05/2017 11:29

AllRoads yes, show him this thread! Did he agree for himself or for you to make the curtains?

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 01/05/2017 11:31

I don't know one end of a sewing machine from another- I can't even thread a needle!

He agreed because he has more heart than common sense.

CherryBlossomPink · 01/05/2017 11:32

If these friends and family would happily return the favour in terms of their time, then it wouldn't be an issue. My mum didn't know one end of a needle from another but had a very crafty sewing friend who turned her hobby into a business. My mum would happily ask her to shorten trousers, fix a hem etc. and not expect to pay, but she returned the favour by looking after the kids when she did a craft fair etc. If my mum wanted something her friend made as part of her business, then she would pay and treat it as an order not a favour if that makes sense.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/05/2017 11:39

They are taking the P. Honestly, start charging! 'Just' making curtains FFS! I have made curtains for grown up dds, but I'm damned if I'd do it for anybody outside the family, whether they paid me or not.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/05/2017 11:45

In any case, people who genuinely don't know how to stitch up a hem or sew a button on, should bloody well learn, IMO. It's not exactly difficult and YouTube will no doubt show you in 5 mins.

People who say they 'can't' more often mean they CBA, which I can understand since those things are a pain, but they shouldn't then expect others to do it for them for free.

Epipgab · 01/05/2017 12:00

"I had to stop agreeing to do free sewing, for anyone apart from immediate family, as I was getting far too busy. I could do it if you like, but I'd have to ask for payment, I'm sure you understand".

Siwdmae · 01/05/2017 12:08

Yes, you need a ready response like Epipgab's. Include how much it would be if you'd like money. I get this with something I can do. Eventually I told someone to stop bothering me, felt bad, but they kept hassling me in breaks and I felt I couldn't use the staffrroom area any longer, plus having a private service for my skill is about £60 an hour!