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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...for wanting to know what your ds or dd is doing now if they failed their GCSEs last year?

39 replies

Bigglassofwineplease · 30/04/2017 17:45

I am at a loss. My ds won't revise, doesn't seem concerned about his future other than he wants all the trappings of a wonderful life. What opportunities are there if you fail your exams? Other than that he is a lovely boy. I am so stressed trying to encourage /reward/ bribe for revision ....'I'll test you'....'I'll turn off the wifi/take away privileges'......etc. He just doesn't want to. I feel like I have wasted the last 10 years trying to support his education. I feel tired ☹.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 30/04/2017 18:08

Others will be along with more anecdotal advice, OP. But as a teacher, have you discussed with him the fact that he is likely to have to resit his English and Maths GCSEs? And as no decent school or college will take him without them, he will be stuck in some crappy place wth minimal help for two years. Absolute disaster if it is a result of him not bothering to work.

littlejeopardy · 30/04/2017 18:36

I've worked in Further Education and worked with plenty of learners who have spectacularly failed their GCSEs.

The important thing to know is that it isn't the end of the line and for lots of learners it is a big wake up call and they can go on to higher education or into well paid jobs... But it will cost them an extra year.

If your son does not get a grade C in Maths and/or English, he will have to sit them again next year. He could also do a Level 2 course in a vocational subject or he could do an apprenticeship. The Government is introducing a £1000 bonus to employers who take on apprentices aged 16-18, so there should be more apprenticeships available in lots of industry.

It must be so frustrating as a parent but don't panic, there are still options for him. And maybe he will do better than expected anyway!

CaulkheadNorth · 30/04/2017 18:39

I passed english, maths and drama but failed everything else pretty much.
I got into college on a childcare course, which let me into uni. Then did a pgce.

wigglybeezer · 30/04/2017 19:08

dS1 failed some of his, tried to go back to school but not motivated to progress, chose an unsuitable college course and dropped out of that. He is now 18 and doing basic training in the Royal Navy, one of the few employers that take you on for technical apprenticeships without GCSE maths and English ( although DD does have English).

TeenAndTween · 30/04/2017 19:26

He'll need to go to college to do some kind of level 2 (GCSE equiv) course, retake English & maths if he doesn't get at least a 4. From there he can progress to a Level 3 (A level equiv) course.

Or an apprenticeship, but they may still have minimum requirements.

If results are absolutely dire then Level 1 courses also exist.

fessmess · 30/04/2017 19:35

My daughter, very able, failed hers last year. Is now doing a Traineeship with hope of an apprenticeship after. Not what i'd hoped but there's more than one way to skin a cat.

FelixtheMouse · 30/04/2017 19:42

DS failed his. He took a year off doing grunt level jobs and then restarted education at the local college. He's got an MA now. School is not the only place to get an education.

furrymuff · 30/04/2017 19:53

DS did his GCSEs two years ago - came out with a C in Maths and Catering. He started a plumbing course at college but hated it and for the last year has been working for a scaffolding company. He is so much happier to be outside working and earning money and has grown up so much in this year - I think some kids just aren't the academic type and are better off working.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 30/04/2017 19:58

Have you offered to sit down with him and do it? Revision can be so daunting for kids. He might not know when're to begin? Print the learning outcome and go through them together

bottledatsource · 30/04/2017 20:03

I totally agree with furry. None of mine have GCSEs and are all happily employed.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/04/2017 20:08

As others have said he will have to resit Maths and English and will have to do it again the following year if he wants to stay in college/sixth form. Does he have a reasonable revision timetable which you can monitor? Does he have a realistic idea of what he might get with or without the work. I would get tough and do as you've threatened: turn off the WiFi, take away consoles, iPad etc. And use them as end of the day rewards for competing timetabled revision . Over the years I have taught many year 12s who have failed their GCSEs and i believe it's only around 15% nationally who pass second time. Not trying to scare you but he may still havr time to turn this around (depends on what grade he has now I and what he needs) and this year is his best chance.

Has he got a plan for next year if he does get his grades?

waterrat · 30/04/2017 20:09

I didn't fail but did very poorly at gcse. I did retake maths which meant I could do a levels. I am now a professional and pretty successful. I was a different person ten years on from being 15 - It's very young !

You know what...if he fails he will just have to pick himself up and look at more education later on. I think you have to accept he will learn from it if it really goes wrong.

Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 30/04/2017 20:11

I have sat down with him a million times. I am really patient, I have put a schedule together for learning....honestly, I couldn't have done more. I am worried that he may just spiral with too much pressure. His sister did really well so maybe he feels like he can never live up to her ...I treat them as individuals....I tell him I am proud of him....as I said....I am at a loss 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 30/04/2017 20:13

Plans are for an apprenticeship I think. He doesn't have a passion for anything. I think he is still trying to figure out who he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 30/04/2017 20:18

My ex helpfully tells him that he didn't do well at school so not to worry. They are very different people though and I don't think my son could 'wing it' like my ex did.....I just want him to get the foundation for him to have more choices. I guess if he refuses, then there isn't a lot I can do. I feel sick with worry most days Confused

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 30/04/2017 20:37

How did he do in his mocks? If he attends school regularly he will be doing revision in lessons. He may surprise you xx

Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 30/04/2017 20:53

D's.....and less.....maybe he'll turn it around. I love him so much. I just want him to be proud of himself too ❤

OP posts:
bottledatsource · 30/04/2017 20:59

You'll be surprised Wink

PUGaLUGS · 30/04/2017 21:03

We are in the same position with DS2.

He had an apprenticeship in the making last year where I work, but he just didn't get the grades. He went to college to do the lower level course and resist his exams. He is not on track to pass his English and Maths again.

He just doesn't want to be there. He wants to be out working. To be fair, he does work on one of the days he isn't in college and he works in a physical environment and isn't afraid of hard graft.

He reckons he isn't going back to college once the exams are over and will get a job. We have tried to say that he needs to be in one of the following education/traineeship/apprenticeship but he is adamant about going back to college.

BarbarianMum · 30/04/2017 21:09

Failing your GCSE is not insurmountable - if he doesn't want it to be. I suggest you take a step back. Offer a helping hand, if/when he asks for it but don't try and shield him from the outcome of his lack of actions. If he fails, then he'll need to decide what to do next. As long as you're not willing to sub a life of pseudo studying or lounging around on the Xbox all say, he'll no doubt try a few things and find something that does motivate him - be it further study or work. Lots of people find that a year or two of minimum wage jobs gives an appetite for further training/study - or he may find a job he's good at and work his way up.

Moussemoose · 30/04/2017 21:15

He can not run away from English and maths. If he gets D's or 3s hevhas to do them again. And again. And again. And again.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/04/2017 21:21

Ds should be enough to get him into some apprenticeships. Depends which one. He needs to be applying though he may have missed deadlines for September start and he needs to be doing something in September as he is only 16. He can't just get a minimum wage job anymore you have to stay in education or training until 18 these days. I would get him talking about that and try and get him enthusiastic about something new in September. It will be here before we know it!

Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 30/04/2017 22:24

I think I will just have to sit it out. Carry on feeding him healthy meals, make sure he sleeps, tell him I love him and try his best. Fingers crossed. I'll investigate options for each outcome so we have some direction. Thankyou for your help. I don't feel quite as helpless as I did a few hours ago xx

OP posts:
pamish · 01/05/2017 16:18

He can come back into education later by doing an Access course. They are for people without the necessary quals who want to go on to degree level courses, and are the equivalent of 2 A Levels. Used to be only for over 21's, now I think over 18's. Maybe he needs to just faff about/earn some money/grow up for a few years but all is not lost.

I taught on Access courses through the 90s and 00s and it was my favourite teaching. On the whole, very motivated young (and some older) people who knew what it was like out there without those quals, and they worked hard and flourished. I don't know the current requirements and fees but it may be worth checking with an eye on the next few years' time.

elliejjtiny · 01/05/2017 16:48

I got 3 C's at GCSE and the rest d or below. Did a level 2 course, then level 3, all while trying to get my c in engish. Went to uni aged 19 and got a 2.1