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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too sensitive?

47 replies

BeingMePls · 30/04/2017 16:52

My DS is nearly 12. We're lucky enough to live in a quiet cul de sac and all the neighbourhood kids play together.

Nearly all of the time ALL the kids play in our back yard as we are very kid friendly - trampoline, box of nerf guns, football goal etc. Plus my Hubble is a big kid at heart. It's starting to irate us that kids knock first thing in the morning and stay with us until sundown expecting food and drink from us in between.

So as not to drip feed, kids ages range from 6-12.

Last week, I have an angry knock on my door from one of the mothers demanding my DS apologise to her DD because when they were playing a ball game the ball hit her face accidentally. Of course, cue me calling my son to apologise which he does and reiterates it was an accident and they all apologised at the time.

I feel a bit peed off because her DS is 6 and is always left at our house unsupervised. He's broken lots it DSs toys e.g. Nerf guns etc and then today he jumped off the trampoline to swing on the football goal and has subsequently broken it. No apology or anything.

I walked around to his mum and said my DS is in tears because his football goal is broken. It's super expensive and I hadn't brought up previous incidents but this was the last straw. She looked at me and basically said "what do you want me to do".

I'm really pissed off about this as normally really easy going and would have put it down to "kids will be kids" but given her last visit I'm really riled.

AIBU to not let her kids play here anymore?

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 30/04/2017 16:54

Get a puppy.

We used to have this. Neighbour's dd knocking at 730 every Sat morning!!
We got a rottweiler puppy. . Popular for a few months. .
Then she grew..
And the knocking to play in the garden tailed off. . .
All dc played in the street after that!!
Bliss. .

NavyandWhite · 30/04/2017 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BeingMePls · 30/04/2017 16:59

They just have such fun together - especially when it's sunny and the pool is out. I was just really pee'd about this mum.

I know I'm being sensitive but I really wanted to say to her that she should supervise her kids then rather than leaving them out all day with us 😡

OP posts:
MakeItRain · 30/04/2017 17:03

Yes I would stop it. I would send a note saying you find it impossible to supervise all day, that as she knows, both her son and your children have been getting upset and it's probably better to stop the visits for the time being, and that hopefully all the children will be happier for it! (Slightly passive aggressive but she can't really complain after having the cheek to fuss about a problem when she's not taking any responsibility for supervising her son.)

Allthebestnamesareused · 30/04/2017 17:03

So is she going to replace the goal?

When it comes to drinks put out a jug of water - if they want something else they are free to go home.

When it is time for good - send them home! We are having lunch now so off you go!

If they complain about injuries etc they are no longer welcome to come!

Allthebestnamesareused · 30/04/2017 17:04

Food not good!

Original poster
BeingMePls · 30/04/2017 17:04

Lol. Thanks guys. In hindsight I felt a bit mean but she really got my goat!

OP posts:
Frouby · 30/04/2017 17:05

Just say he can't come over unless his mum comes too. Because he was so upset about the ball incident and because your ds was so upset about the goal.

It's your garden. You get to decide who does and who doesn't come in. Same goes for the rest of the kids on the street. 'No we are having family time/my dc are only allowed 1 friend each and someone is already here/the dcs are playing with each other/it's family time/no not today'.

Put a lock on the gate and only access is via the house. Make sure your dh is going to enforce it tho.

I have a 1 child in the house rule for this reason. Eventually my dd and whichever mate she is with want to play with the rest of them so they bugger off out.

Original poster
BeingMePls · 30/04/2017 17:05

... and no, she didn't offer to contribute to the goal. Just stared at me blankly when I said "we now have to replace it"

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 30/04/2017 17:06

I would just give them water, too. I wouldn't give them food. That's not on, that you should be the neighbourhood babysitter.

And that child is clearly too young to play out without supervision. I agree a letter should be written as above. That mother will soon regret complaining.

Original poster
BeingMePls · 30/04/2017 17:17

Justmade... we used to have two labxrotties!! Too cute to discourage kids playing here!

OP posts:
ZilphasHatpin · 30/04/2017 17:26

Send all the kids away at your DCs mealtimes and tell them what time they can come back at.

Children of woman who complained, send them home next time they come telling them that it's better if they don't come to play as there have been too many incidents.

beargrass · 30/04/2017 17:32

This is a bit like that thread where the OP's house was basically being used as free soft play (the cake one) except the mum in this case doesn't even have the decency to be there!

As others say, stop it. And don't feel bad about it. Maybe some of the other neighbours would take it in turns, as a possible alternative?

Original poster
BeingMePls · 30/04/2017 17:33

Zilphas.. it's all good in theory but they'll then be on their lonesome outside whilst everyone is here! 😞.

OP posts:
lornski · 30/04/2017 17:47

another vote here for not having "that" child in your garden. and if she comes complaining he's been left out just remind her that he got hurt in your "care" so you're not providing childcare anymore!
and send them home when they're thirsty/hungry

ZilphasHatpin · 30/04/2017 17:51

Today 17:33 BeingMePls

Zilphas.. it's all good in theory but they'll then be on their lonesome outside whilst everyone is here!

That's not your responsibility. You shouldn't have to have all and sundry in your house regardless of behaviour just because they'd be alone otherwise. It's not your job to provide entertainment for all the neighbourhood children. Plus, they'd have each other.

VerySadInside · 30/04/2017 17:51

He sounds too young anyway. Send mum a note saying for his safety and as he's been upset best not have him there unsupervised. He can go play at home, she can entertain him.

flumpybear · 30/04/2017 17:58

Bloody hell sending a 6 year old round to a neighbours for the whole day!!! Not on!! She should either supervise the child herself or just don't let the younger kids in, can't imagine a garden full of kids all day every day

FrancisCrawford · 30/04/2017 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Silverdream · 30/04/2017 18:43

You can't leave a child out that's too harsh but I think you need to set ground rules.
When they come over go out and say that they must treat the toys properly and if anything gets broken that child has to go home. You can say it firm but in a fun way.

I'd also stop the snacks. Send them home at lunch time so they get used to going home for food and drink.

I was the same I loved a house full. Nothing better than hearing your child having a ball with mates. You're making fab memories for your D.

rollonthesummer · 30/04/2017 18:46

I would put a stop to it asap-that would drive me nuts.

angelikacpickles · 30/04/2017 18:50

Whatever about playing in your garden, send them home for food for goodness sake! I'd give fruit or ice pops if I was giving them to my own kids, but I certainly wouldn't be feeding the neighbourhood.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 30/04/2017 18:53

So you're more or less the free babysitter providing food and drinks!
She's taking the piss.

ScarlettFreestone · 30/04/2017 18:53

Stop feeding everyone. A quick glass of water or a biscuit is one thing, lunch or continual snacks is quite another.

Send them home at lunchtime.

People who can't play nicely/damage toys get sent home.

And yes, I'd ban that kid.

TrollMummy · 30/04/2017 19:01

Have you thought about how it would be if one of these kids were injured while playing at your house? Would their parents, such as this boys mum hold you responsible? There is an assumption here that you are keeping an eye on things, so your responsibility. My feeling is they probably would blame you and that would make me want to limit the kids that come round or at least the time they spend under my supervision.

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