Too sensitive?

[BeingMePls]

My DS is nearly 12. We're lucky enough to live in a quiet cul de sac and all the neighbourhood kids play together.

Nearly all of the time ALL the kids play in our back yard as we are very kid friendly - trampoline, box of nerf guns, football goal etc. Plus my Hubble is a big kid at heart. It's starting to irate us that kids knock first thing in the morning and stay with us until sundown expecting food and drink from us in between.

So as not to drip feed, kids ages range from 6-12.

Last week, I have an angry knock on my door from one of the mothers demanding my DS apologise to her DD because when they were playing a ball game the ball hit her face accidentally. Of course, cue me calling my son to apologise which he does and reiterates it was an accident and they all apologised at the time.

I feel a bit peed off because her DS is 6 and is always left at our house unsupervised. He's broken lots it DSs toys e.g. Nerf guns etc and then today he jumped off the trampoline to swing on the football goal and has subsequently broken it. No apology or anything.

I walked around to his mum and said my DS is in tears because his football goal is broken. It's super expensive and I hadn't brought up previous incidents but this was the last straw. She looked at me and basically said "what do you want me to do".

I'm really pissed off about this as normally really easy going and would have put it down to "kids will be kids" but given her last visit I'm really riled.

AIBU to not let her kids play here anymore?

I think banning the kid is a bit harsh, as it's not a 6 yr old's fault. But I think in this case I would because he breaks stuff and that's not on.

Definitely don't have her DC anymore. It's her problem. She's been rude to you and a bitch to your DC. Send a note as others have said and if she wants to apologise then you can say to her that she needs to not be so sensitive next time her DC gets hurt or you cant have her DC.
Sounds like a horrible situation op. Good luck!!

Your neighbours are taking the piss.

You and your DH sound wonderful people. Your kids are so lucky!! But please don't let others take advantage of your generous nature.

TrollMum. It's every weekend, bank holiday and holiday.

Of course I don't mind, and as someone said unthread it's all memory making. However, feel it's massively a piss take when your kid comes over at 10am and you as a parent rock up at 6pm (earliest) and then start bitching. Also if my child was to break someone else's toy, I'd make amends asap. Actually when another boy lost my sons football, his mum was sweet enough to run to sports direct and get another. I paid her back because it was the thought that counted.

Please don't do this, I'm you from the future!

I have 3 DC and they always have friends round. I now buy sweets and drinks at Costco because we go through so much.

Also, one of the kids who came round was quite troubled, found out he was recording videos of DC on his phone and posting to YouTube, he won't take them down and his mum is blaming my dc and saying they took his phone. He is in trouble at school quite severely and now I have to go in next week because he is blaming my eldest child for his behaviour, saying he is daring him to misbehave.

I'm really angry as he isn't well looked after and I was a mug who helped him, and now my dc are in trouble through no fault of their own.

Please ban these kids from your garden, your kids might enjoy playing with them but they don't enjoy having their toys destroyed. They might hang about outside for a couple of days but then they will stop, when this child was banned from ours that is what he did.

I'd go back and day until her children can behave appropriately they are no longer allowed in your garden.
And no I wouldn't stop others who are well behaved come.
You don't punish the good kids.

And if they're left alone. To bad so sad. Not your problem.

Maybe they're mother will actually have to do something with them then

Send the children home when they are hungry and don't let those two back.

OP so what would happen if a kids arm got broken instead of a toy? Please consider how the other parents might be in this situation. This happened when I was growing up where a neighbour sued another neighbour for an accident that happened to their child had been playing in their neighbours garden. Things got very nasty.

If those parents are happy for you to leave their kids at yours all day and not even have them come back for meals then they are assuming you have responsibility for them. This is taking the piss big time.

Really understand your point TrollMummy but as someone said upthread it's so lovely that they can all play together without fear of getting run over etc

I just don't know how you can leave your child (6 year old!!!) out all day and assume (never asks, never says thanks and confidently strolls into house at sun down to pick up) without checking on them or talking to the adults.

Surely you can assume away re responsibility but surely no one trumps the responsibility of parents!!

My husband has asked that I stop moaning about it now :) but for some reason this incident really riled me.

I'm grateful that you all have restored my faith in the world and haven't all labelled me as the bitch neighbour!!

Best start looking for a new goal though....

it's all good in theory but they'll then be on their lonesome outside whilst everyone is here!

Too bad, so sad. Bed. Made. Lie.

Start sending all the kids home when they're hungry or thirsty. It's ridiculous to take on feeding and supervising all these kids like an unpaid daycare centre. It's time to set some rules. Tell the kids they need to go home at meal times, play times are from X to Y, and if anything is broken then that child's parents will need to replace it.

We had a similar set up when my kids were smaller. But the difference was, the kids all ended up spending equal amounts of time at each house, so no one family bore the brunt of providing food or supervision. No one was taken advantage of.

It sounds as if you're the lovely and caring mum. So that's great your ds gets you. This woman is clearly a shit and entitled parent. You say her son would just stay in the garden, I'd physically return him either when you want him to go home and definitely at meal times. And from now on, refuse to the demands of an apology from your ds. If she were looking after her ds, she would be able to see what is going on but for now, it's your son against her son and your son is still very much a child. I imagine your ds is kind and gentle because at 12 he wouldn't be putting up with a boisterous 6 yr old breaking his stuff if he weren't. Just because he's 12, it doesn't make him responsible for all the evils in the world hurting her kid and she shouldn't be allowed to make those judgments. She's acting as though your ds is big and therefore responsible for any shit, which occurs but as her ds is little, he is completely exonerated. And fgs why oh why are you supervising really small kids in a pool? That's a disaster waiting to happen. Your ds should also be allowed to blunder and bish bash around instead of having a tiny kid always at his feet. He can't be him with this small child trailing around. He should be playing with his peers some of the time without a 6 yr old in his face.

Look at the lessons you're teaching your son, not just the memories you're making. The lessons are to let everyone shit all over you, say thank you to them by letting them do it some more and apologising for your presence.

Agree that you need, at the very least, to stop feeding them. If that mother is prepared to use you for free childcare but still gripe about your DS then she is the type to sue you if her DC get injured.

Next time they knock send them home. For your own sake and for the safety of the other DCs.

Beingme, I think you need a bit more control over the situation, so it isn't taken for granted. I completely understand how you feel. You do need some boundaries, though.

Make some afternoons 'family time' and send visiting kids home.
Always send visiting kids home at meal times.
Maybe arrange for play dates with visitors who do not live on your street.

It is lovely, but from experience it can get very complicated. All the children need more options than your garden. If there is a falling out at some point in the future, and all children except one or two still play in your garden then that is awful. There need to be more options and more flexibility, which will evolve if your garden is not always available.

I've lived on a street like yours and seen variations on this for years.

How does your DS feel about it all? I think maybe as he gets older he will be less keen to have younger kids around breaking his stuff.

Next time a parent comes round to complain, tell them that you are not prepared to supervise their child and they should not to come round to yours if that's a problem. I'd ban the 6 year old until parents pay for the goal too but teadmit after on the basis that I'm not interested in any complaints.

Op I've been there, in our last house a child turned up and asked to play with my DD's 3&4 at the time the little girl was 5 and had ridden her bike from the next road. We were warned not to let her in as the family were trouble but it was cold and I was concerned about her being out alone. I walked her home 5 hours later and the parents just let her in and closed the door.
This lead to me being the local youth club for 5 years feeding and sometimes clothing these kids, I spoke to ss repeatedly about injuries these kids turned up with ( black eyes, broken arm etc) but they didn't appear to do anything.
One day one of the kids fell and broke her scooter, the mum suddenly turned up shouting I wasn't watching them properly and demanded I replace the scooter I refuse the last straw was when I was revising for my finals and making scones with 4 or 5 of them and afterwards my wedding and engagement rings disappeared? My dd told me she had seen X with them so I asked had she picked them up to keep safe and she said no, she went home and I asked her dad to check her pockets that night in case she'd forgotten and took them. He looked me in the eye and said " it's finders keepers love, you shouldn't leave things laying around"
That was it from then on I said no to any of those kids and my DD's admitted they actually didn't like them as they trashed their stuff and were mean.
Sorry for the long post but honestly being kind like this is setting yourself up these days

Oh ginflump, that's awful!

How about a letter sent to ALL the parents. Something along the lines of:

"Your children are still welcome to come to our house to play. However, owing to a few recent incidents we feel we have to put a few ground rules in place:

1. We will provide water if the children are thirsty but can not continue providing food and drink throughout the day.
2. At mealtimes the children will be expected to return home, not stay in our garden.
3. Please no callers before x am and everyone to leave by y pm.
4. We would appreciate reimbursement for any damage to our children's toys.
5. We cannot guarantee non-stop supervision so children play here at their own risk.

Might we respectfully suggest that it would be nice for the children to sometimes play at other venues."

Actually just noticed that you said that your DS is nearly 12. Does he really want all the local 6+ year olds round to play?

Surely the time will come soon when he gets fed up of the littlies being there and would like his garden to himself. What then? Do you think the neighbours will continue to see you as the local free child minding and entertainment service?

Op I think you are acting like a doormat. Stand up for yourself and your family!

Ginflump - that's awful! 💐

I'm not a mug. I loved growing up and playing outside all day with my neighbours and we're lucky enough to live in a neighbourhood where my son can enjoy that too.

He'd rather not play with the smaller ones but I think we've raised him well to be inclusive and kind. Some of you are right though, I don't think this will continue for much longer. Some of the kids are in private flats so don't have outside space and if my son doesn't include them, they literally sit outside the closed gate and ask to come in (they can hear all the fun!)

I am ashamed to say that I did lose my rag with this particular lady and I don't think I'll let her kids come in and play as there really isn't any gratitude or respect at all.

We do regularly go out and DS regularly has school friends over - they add to the crowd rather than be mutually exclusive though.

Definitely no food and drink beyond water and dilute 😬

I would say when you have outside visitors, then no local pop ins. People, including the children, need to get some boundaries.