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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU what's worse is this comparable?

26 replies

battgirlatheart · 30/04/2017 14:49

Straw poll dear friends.
Is sending five messages to a man when single comparable to seven months of messaging flirting and trying to meet up with an ex (16 years younger) when in a relationship? Is it the exact same? As well as lying and meeting up at least twice with a female friend the same one you messaged constantly all through dates and cost nights in etc
Just wondering cos some narcissistic is trying to convince me I'm terrible
I thank you

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 30/04/2017 14:51

Tell the narcissist to fuck off. .

WorraLiberty · 30/04/2017 14:52

Well it doesn't sound comparable but I'm sure there's more to this?

Fauchelevent · 30/04/2017 14:52

There is nothing wrong with sending five, or a hundred (if the recipient is okay with it!) messages to a man when single.

Narcs will be narcs

Sparrowlegs248 · 30/04/2017 14:52

Not even a little bit the same.

Lochan · 30/04/2017 14:53

No. If you are single you can text who you like.

If you are in a relationship flirting and arranging dates with someone else is generally not allowed.

But you know this.

If he's cheated on you why are you asking us, just dump him.

Don't waste your time arguing. He's not worth the effort.

WorraLiberty · 30/04/2017 14:55

There is nothing wrong with sending five, or a hundred (if the recipient is okay with it!) messages to a man when single.

Depends on whether the man is single too though, surely?

mumofthemonsters808 · 30/04/2017 14:58

Unless you're 16, I wouldn't even indulge in the conversation, it's just tit for tat nonsense. He did this and said I did this, it sounds like you both need to move on.

Original poster
battgirlatheart · 30/04/2017 14:59

No more to this
We are single and split up now
I've moved on
I told him and showed him five chatty messages sent to someone on tinder as he claimed I haven't tried to move on
But being a narc he can't handle that as he has no control so now saying it's as bad as when I caught him out doing the above when we were very much in a relationship
It really is that simple

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 30/04/2017 15:01

Why are you still communicating with him?
Block and move on.

Original poster
battgirlatheart · 30/04/2017 15:01

Worral to the best of my knowledge the man I messaged was also single

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 30/04/2017 15:03

Why is it his business whether you have moved on?
Why are you showing him messages to "prove" anything?

DJBaggySmalls · 30/04/2017 15:05

He's still controlling you, you dont have to prove anything to him or show him anything!
Have you heard of Womens Aid Freedom Program?

Lochan · 30/04/2017 15:06

It's not his business.
You don't need to prove anything.

If you can't go no contact entirely (because you have DC together) then limit your conversations to just the children.

Your life is not his concern.

Huskylover1 · 30/04/2017 15:08

He's clearly on glue. No way are those 2 situations remotely comparable. It's akin to saying that a moped and a BMW are just the same. Or that the elephant man and George Clooney look the same. Stop communicating with him.

harderandharder2breathe · 30/04/2017 15:14

Stop communicating with him.

If you have to because of DC then only communicate about DC.

He's a twat but you know this do stop feeding it

Oldraver · 30/04/2017 15:17

You need to ask yourself why you felt the need to 'prove' anything to an ex. That's not healthy at all...

VestalVirgin · 30/04/2017 15:20

Stop communicating with him. He doesn't need to know what you do.

Let him believe that you haven't moved on, if he wants to believe it. Don't try to prove anything to him.

Indeed, when you talk to him, make your life appear as boring and unhappy as possible. If he thinks you're happy, he'll only want to shit on your happiness.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 30/04/2017 15:21

UHm... I think that it may be better to stop havin any kind of contact with this person (if possible). Seems like your behaviour is empowering him...

Serialweightwatcher · 30/04/2017 15:24

If you're now apart, why even bother to argue about it - it's your business and if you're not together (unless you are wanting to be) let him sod off and have his own life ... you're well rid if that's what he was doing and you need to be happy without him

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 30/04/2017 15:24

If you must have contact with this twat, the next time he throws something similarly nonsensical at you your only response should be "OK then" and change the subject. Although why you feel compelled to prove anything when dealing with a narc is a mystery. (A clue: you can't)

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/04/2017 15:25

Why does he think you haven't moved on?

Why are you talking to him?

Why do you care what he thinks?

...please tell me you don't still love this wankbadger!?

Lynnm63 · 30/04/2017 15:28

Why are you even in contact with him. Whether you've moved on or not is none of his business, you don't need to justify it to him at all. I'd tell him to jog on in no uncertain terms.
Even if you have dc together contact should only relate to them anything else the response should be "This has nothing to do with you mate."

KRG13 · 30/04/2017 15:29

Why do you even care?

FinallyHere · 30/04/2017 15:31

Just adding to the chorus saying 'stop communicating with him'. Congratulations on getting out, please now consolidate your position by cutting off contact. All the best.

Goldmandra · 30/04/2017 15:41

I agree with other posters.

It is none of his business whether you have moved on or not and you have nothing to prove to him.

You have ended the relationship.

It sounds like he is trying to remain in control. That means that every conversation you have will help him draw you back in and he will never accept what you are trying to tell him, whatever proof you provide.

You need to detach from him and stop trying to justify yourself in any way. If he chooses to think you haven't moved on, that is not your concern.

Unless there is a good reason not to, e.g. children, block his number and his email address and forget about him.

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