To loathe being pregnant?

[soontobeamum1982]

I am so fed up. Despite being, obviously, very excited about meeting my baby (this is my first) I'm wishing away the next three months. I'm almost 27 weeks and have had no end of problems. At the beginning it was all the usual first trimester difficulties, but I never ever had a lift to the tiredness or got the mythical 'glow'. Now i'm in constant pain from ligament stretching (I'm very short), can't sleep at all on my left side and due to being high risk i've been warned against any right side sleeping. So I'm exhausted.

Pregnancy has wrecked my eyesight - i'm struggling to see properly (awaiting the arrival of newly prescribed glasses) and have visual migraines at least three times a week which have taken me to L&D about six times now for pre-eclampsia checks. My BP is fine, but they don't stop, and they now apparently put me at high risk for pre-E.

I am also now suspected of gestational diabetes due to two high glucose urine tests and have had my 28 week bloods moved forward to this week to see how things are. I'm trying to keep to a v low GI diet (as I have been since 22 weeks, when I had the first dodgy urine test) but it's so hard to do and i'm gutted that it seems to have made no difference. We'll see what the bloods say.

All this has made me very anxious and I get worried about kick counts. Some days my bub is so quiet in there, and I get really freaked out. A friend of mine recently had a stillbirth at 31 weeks, which isn't helping my anxiety levels.

To top it all off I work in a job that is in some way related to politics (won't say any more on here in cases my colleagues are on mumsnet) and this sodding general election means i'm busier than ever in my last few weeks of work. (I go off at 34 weeks in mid june).

I'm sure i'll feel better once my glasses have arrived and my vision + migraines improve - but honestly, I am SO OVER THIS.

I'm sure i'll get yelled at for wishing my life away... but any tips for making the last weeks of pregnancy go as smoothly - and as quickly - as possible?

And please don't say 'enjoy the peace and freedom while it lasts'. Me and DP just had to cancel our final quick holiday this week because of all the testing i'm going through and the MW's request that i'm near my own hospital for checks whenever the migraines come.

Being pregnant can be very hard, even if you have a relatively straightforward pregnancy.

I hope the rest of it passes quickly for you OP

You poor thing. I also hate being pregnant, and I never had any complications. It's just miserable! Hugs to you.

I echo pp who say if you have a tough pregnancy dealing with a newborn will feel much easier in comparison. It did for me.

Yanbu. I'm 33 weeks and finding it hard/more anxious after a loss last year.

Just focus on what you get at the end of all this. It's all worth the aches, pains and worry a million times over.

It's shit. I'm 35 weeks with GD and polyhydramnios. I'm knackered and feel like a beached whale. Doing anything is awful. Getting up for a piss is major effort. People say oh go for a nice long walk you'll feel better! With a baby's head stuck between my legs? Erm no. And I spend all day worrying about the movements. Are they normal? Should I ring triage? And then people insist on telling you horror stories about someone who didn't notice their baby not moving and they were stillborn. That is the most horrible part of all I think. I could take any discomfort if I could peek in there and see my baby is safe and well.

I can't stand 'oh you're so lucky to be pregnant there are women who are infertile' do you think I don't fucking know? I feel deeply for them, I wouldn't swap places with them for all the tea in China. But that shouldn't mean pregnant women have to smile and pretend everything is just fine and keep out of the way and not have a voice.

YANBU, it's crap. I've not had anything seriously wrong with me (I'm currently 19+6) but loads of niggly things I could usually do something about (migranes, hayfever, bad sinuses, acne, rashes, v sensitive skin etc.) Plus I've ballooned (my own fault). We've also been away a few times and it just seems to be a never-ending list of things I can't do/eat/drink.

I'm not even half way or uncomfortable and still have to get the baby out! I'm fed up!

YA so totally NBU. If the culture accepted that for some (many/most?) women pregnancy was a painful unpleasant sickly means to an end, then I think it would be easier.

I am 39 weeks pregnant with my second and I have loathed every second of this pregnancy. Today waddled out in pain from my vulval varicose veins and having sporadic (though completely non-productive) painful Braxton Hicks, also with blurred vision, the end of my umpteeenth cold, blocked nose, having spent some of the morning dry-heaving in the sink, to be accosted by a variety of ludicrous impertinent well-wishers. The best was the small boy who shouted: "look at that lady's massive tummy mummy". A homeless man asked me if it was twins. An elderly woman whose hands smelled nauseatingly of patchouli came and grabbed my bump and asked if it was a girl (it's a boy). A 50-something woman at the cafe where I briefly stopped said: "Oh hasn't it just been the best time of your life?! I'm so jealous, I loved being pregnant with my four."

YANBU, it's often completely fucking shite.

YANBU.

DC4 is 11wks old. I had hypermemsis from three days before my period was even due and it went untreated for weeks because my GP's attitude was that I should pull myself together, by week nine when the hospital took over my care and gave me the meds I was so done in that I couldn't remember what it was like to not vomit a dozen times a day. I cried with relief when they brought me the prescription. Then I had episodes of bleeding, severe rib pain, a horrific scare where the community MW couldn't find a heartbeat and DD wasn't moving so I spent a sickening hour believing her to be dead until we got to hospital for a CTG. It turbed out I had a transverse baby which meant I was in hospital at 36wks, finally allowed home but on condition of bed (sofa) rest and to ring 999 if I had any signs of labour. Section at 38wks then when DD was five days old I ended up ambulanced back to hospital with sepsis that was at the point of me vomiting bile, uncontrollably shivering and being confused. DD for her part had lost weight from 8lb 15oz to 7lb 4oz and was badly jaundiced.

Pregnancy can be seriously shit and you are under no obligation to cherish it, enjoy it or even like it very much. It's perfectly acceptable to wish it away and this won't make you any less of a parents when your baby does eventually arrive.

I agree with a PP who said it may be worth looking at getting signed off, even if it's just for a couple of weeks to take some pressure off.

I've done it six times, got four DC and I am elated that I never, ever have to do it ever again!

Being pregnant is fucking horrible. I wouldn't have minded a third if it didn't involve pregnancy. :)

I hated every moment of being pregnant. But love every moment of motherhood

I had a lovely pregnancy with my first.

Currently 24 weeks pregnant with my second and it has been horrendous since I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I won't go into all the details but it's just been miserable and awful.

I thought I would love being pregnant again and told myself I'd make the most of it as it will be my last baby but Jesus it's been very hard abc horrible at times.

YANBU OP, but congratulations nonetheless

It's OK.

I am fully giving you permission to hate being pregnant. It won't make you a bad mum, it doesn't mean you will love your baby any less, you don't hate your baby. You just loathe being pregnant! It's OK. Lots of us did and still absolutely love being mums. I wouldn't change a thing. I love my 2 DDs but thank God I never ever have to be pregnant again. You have my sympathies because it's your first and you may have to do it again. I hated every minute of pregnancy apart from the kicks. I resented the fact other people had wonderful pregnancies and worried why mine was so shit. I joined Mumsnet to find people like me who hated it to to make myself feel better. And it did. Loathe away because it has no bearing on what you'll be like as a mother.

Sorry you're feeling so rubbish OP. Have to say the tiredness I felt in pregnancy was actually worse than the newborn tiredness. The pregnancy tiredness was like a hideous hangover feeling and no amount of sleep (which I wasn't doing much of anyway) seemed to help. Whereas newborn tiredness was just regular tiredness which when I DID get the opportunity to sleep (!) I'd then feel normal again. Appreciate that's just my experience! Also not a fan of the 'think yourself lucky and don't complain' school of thought, where does that end really- half the threads on here are people with worries about their children, should they not be allowed to post because they should just feel lucky to even have those children? Also agree that 'make the most of things before baby comes' is not really that helpful to hear! Wishing you a speedy rest of your pregnancy x

I'm right with you on this! Currently 19+6, still vomiting, utterly exhausted, sore back, and unable to tolerate any sort of smell of cooking.... someone asked me the other day if I was excited and looked at me like if kicked a puppy when I said no. I'm thankful that I'm pregnant, and it's a much wanted child, but excitement requires way more energy than I can summon right now!

YANBU. I'm currently 34 weeks into my third pregnancy (we have a toddler DS1 and miscarried last summer), spent the first 24 weeks of this pregnancy feeling like the walking dead due to horrendous anemia, non-stop nausea and low blood pressure, with a massive side portion of anxiety about miscarrying again. Then at 20 weeks SPD kicked in and I've been missing how 'good' I felt for the first 20 weeks.

Have you looked into complementary therapies? I was a complete sceptic until a few days ago. On Thursday I was feeling so awful I was going to make an appointment to see my GP to get signed off until maternity leave kicked in, and a friend persuaded me to see a chiropractor. Having reached a point of complete desperation I decided that it was worth a try. I managed to get an appointment on Friday, and I feel like a whole new person, still tired and have some aches and pains but I feel like the worst of the cloud has lifted. As a fringe benefit the 'parasite' (meant in the most affectionate way!) who has been stubbornly transverse for weeks seems to have shifted and I'm hoping the midwife will tell me baby is head down when I see her on Tuesday. I've also had two decent nights sleep on the run (on my left hand side after weeks of being on my back unable to turn in bed).

Hope you find something that helps get you through OP - and everyone else who is counting down to their due date!

Yanbu. I never want to get pregnant again. Once was more than enough for me.

Yanbu. Pregnancy sucks fo some people. I hae hyperemesis and I feel like I am wishing my life away with just trying to get through each day.

2nd baby this time ad worse this time as means I can't care for my toddler very well or keep up with his play demands.

Is really tough.

Best piece of advice I read is thst there will be some moments of each day you will feel ok, then maybe some one off days. .. maybe even more

Savour these and don't feel guilty about the rest.. there will be an end to ir. Evwn if you just plodded on and kept your head above water and were a misery the whole time..at the end of it you still acheive so much and get a baby out if it!! So still done an amazing job and get the best prize!

Yep. It's shit. And I can't stand it when people say you're pregnant not ill. How come I've had to be put on a drip then because I couldn't stop vomiting?
I also hate the attitude that I should be happy because I'm going to have a baby. That led me to be too ashamed to tell anyone I was struggling in my first pregnancy and I spiralled into depression.

On the plus side, I found having a newborn SO much easier in comparison.

YANBU. I hated being pregnant. I hated my reduced mobility and dragging myself about. My first pregnancy was wanted, the second unplanned. In both cases, I hated the being pregnant bit.

The only "upside" to it, I guess, was that people were extra special nice and polite to you? Mom and mil cooking you really nice dishes? That general warm glow of social approval at a pregnant female? I still remember walking into a large meeting in my old workplace when I was just beginning to show my second pregnancy, and most of my colleagues just realised then I was pregnant, and there was almost an audible murmur of congratulations, people turning round looking at me, smiling and nodding their heads. A bit creepy, actually, when I think back to it. Why are we so invested in other women's reproduction?

Thanks everyone. It's so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one struggling - though sorry that you're all having a tough time of it too. The comments about GD being manageable and not as scary as it first seems really helped. Hopefully I'll have my results by the end of this week so will either be able to put it behind me or, if I get a diagnosis, then get on with managing it and speak to the consultant/dietician etc.

It's also great to hear that having a tough pregnancy can make the newborn phase seem less overwhelming by comparison. I had secretly hoped that might be the case, so it's good to hear that a women on here have had exactly that experience.

Right, it's almost half nine... it must be time for me to go to bed again! Fingers crossed I get through a whole night without being woken up by flashing lights across my eyes again.

I hated being pregnant. Both times. I was bloody miserable as sin - worst the 2nd time than the 1st, mainly because I had to look after a 3yr old whilst feeling so shit.
It ends. And you will have a baby to smell
But you aren't alone, many women feel like this, and yes you are extremely lucky and some women aren't so fortunate, but that doesn't mean you have to be singing and smiling all day long.

God op I hear you. My pregnancy was similar, if not worse. I won't go into all the gory details but suffice to say I finished the whole ordeal having LOST 7kg, had a total of about 21 days in hospital, one operation, one c-section, a baby in NICU for 13 days, six weeks of stomach injections, and I am still eight months later on medication for pre-eclampsia related high blood pressure...

All the advice people give you is kinda useless. The reality is that it is what it is, but at the end, you really do forget about most of it as soon as you hold that gorgeous little baby in your arms. You really do forgive them all of it and are just so happy to have them. So focus on that!

Have you tried Kool n Soothe for migranes. They are a non-medicinal gel patch that you stick on your forehead and they feel really cold. It lasts for approximately 6 hours and I found them really helpful.

Congratulations on your pregnancy but I also agree its not much fun.

I really struggled physically with pregnancy, too. Ended up signed off work because I was constantly fainting and just needed to sleep, plus I hurt all over and I ended up swollen up like a balloon. Horrible. Plus lots and lots of bleeding and the anxiety that went along with it.

The best you can do is be kind to yourself. Rest if you need to rest (because you certainly won't get time once baby is born). And try to eat well. Not always easy, especially wiehn you can't even touch a carrot without gagging, but meals, veg and salads that are pretty much ready prepared are your friend if you can't face cooking food, whether through exhaustion, pain or barfiness.