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AIBU?

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Original poster

To start deleting these wedding pics?

437 replies

JonSnowsWhore · 29/04/2017 18:48

This is soooo outing but I don't know any other way of putting it.

5 weeks ago, I did the photography for an old friends wedding. I don't have a photography business but I did photography in college as an adult so she knows I do it cheaply to help out people I know. Before this wedding I hadn't seen her for a couple of years btw & wouldn't have been close enough to be invited to the wedding which is fine.

The wedding ended up being brought forward to when I'd still be pregnant, so I asked another photography keen friend of mine if she'd come & help me out as I knew I'd struggle doing a whole day at 7 months pregnant. Said we'd split the money between us & she said great as she'd love the experience.

So we get there at 10.30am, do the getting ready photos, horse & carriage photos, go to venue & do ceremony, group & couple photos, get a break for the food, then back again for the speeches, some of the party, cutting cake & first dance, eventually leave about 8.30pm. Bride said she'd pay me by bank transfer the next day & as I know her, I was fine with that.

Sent her my bank details the next day, got an excuse that their online banking was playing up, they'd go to a branch on the Monday to pay it. Monday morning I see on Facebook that they're setting off to their honeymoon in the uk. Don't hear anything. Midweek another message, there's no English banks so they'll do it as soon as they come back from honeymoon. I'm a bit pissed off now as it's not just me going without, I'm meant to give my other friend half. Since then it's been an excuse about their car breaking down, this money issue that money issue, can she pay me half & then the other half at the end of the month (now) so I say if that's all she can do then we'll have to do that, as I felt bad that my other friend hadn't been paid yet. She never paid the half, & never replied to my message. Now it's the end of the month, 5 weeks since the wedding & we still haven't had any money.

So, WIBU to start deleting her bloody wedding photos, what should I say to her as I'm getting bloody pissed off now, at first I didn't want to demand money as she was a 'friend' & didn't want to make things awkward, but can clearly see now that she doesn't give a shit about making things awkward!

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 30/04/2017 08:06

I'd make her pay up and then just lob her the disc

This

If she complains, point out that PROFESSIONAL photographers i.e. those who make their LVING from photography, can charge 000's for photos of your big day, and yep - that includes editing, proofs, album etc.

You, however, are a "friend" who did her a favour and are effectively charging for out-of-pocket expenses and a "thank you" to the real friend who did you a favour by helping.

As you say - nothing in writing, no contract to specify your duties and responsibilities - just "Yes, I'll take photos (you have) and you will pay me £200 for them (she hasn't).

Go for it. You owe her no favours, and as it isn't your job a spiteful review won't affect your status. People who know you will be aware of the work you produce, and if anyone queries then you can explain that she misunderstood what you were able to provide for £200 at a venue umpteen miles away and taking up 10 hours of your pregnant time, and the time of your friend.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 30/04/2017 08:28

I wouldn't even think of doing any editing even if she does pay you.
£200 is cheap for decent unedited photos.
She can pay (or not pay) someone else to edit them

Aeroflotgirl · 30/04/2017 08:59

No, even if she does pay you, don't take your time editing and putting in an album. Give her the disc and that's that. If she wants them edited, she can take the disc to a professional and pay ££££ they charge, to edit, print and put in album. When we got married 13 years ago, our photographer was very reasonable, it was starting to go digital, but he used the tradition methods, of camera and film. They were beautiful photographs.

RaeSkywalker · 30/04/2017 09:32

I think you need to make this more formal OP- change the language you use in your message as a first step.

Paperdoll16 · 30/04/2017 11:18

Unless you send a formal reply then I'm afraid you'll be ignored again.

I offered you a formal reply that remained polite but firm but you've decided that's not how you speak. Lots of people don't speak how they write.

I would just accept you're not going to see that money again tbh.

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 11:44

I didn't say I wasn't going to send something formal at all, I just meant I'd give it one more go as a normal message first. If it comes to it then yes I will send something more formal, so everyone calm down 😳

OP posts:
RadiatorClothes · 30/04/2017 11:54

Agree with pm ing the groom/parents/bridesmaid under a "hope she is ok" guise

Spadequeen · 30/04/2017 12:05

Bloody cheek. I bet when she eventually pays she'll want the photos straight away. She won't realise that as you've not received any money you've don't done any work on them.

singme · 30/04/2017 12:40

You've got a lot to lose by deleting the photos....£200, the moral high ground and her "friendship" although you're probably not wanting that anymore. I would do as PPs have suggested and take her to small claims court. That way at least you'll get paid for your time and skill Sad sorry you have been treated this way....

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 12:55

Just to clarify when I said delete her photos I did mean after sending her a message letting her know I would do so if I wasn't paid, not just deleting them without going after the money lol.

Right I've messaged my other friend (photographer) & asked her for her opinion, why we should send, howling to give her to pay etc, so just waiting on her reply before I write out a message to cheeky bride

OP posts:
AuntMabel · 30/04/2017 13:04

As everyone else has said, don't delete them, but don't be too nice either. She's putting you in a difficult position. Never do anyone a favour in business without a contract and payment upfront.

Had a similar thing happen to me a couple of years ago. Mates rates for wedding photography over two days - they married in a registry office and had a big do the following weekend. I made the huge mistake of sending the gallery of watermarked proofs, never got paid. I swiftly took it down when I realised they were unlikely to settle up. Chased lots of times and was always given various excuses, didn't see them much afterwards either as they moved to a naice expensive house (another reason cited for delay) so I couldn't even shame them when I saw them. I've since found out they're getting divorced!!!

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 13:04

Clearly wasn't looking at what I was typing! What we should send & how long we should give her

OP posts:
confuugled1 · 30/04/2017 13:33

If you're doing a normal message before going down the formal route, something along the lines of ' I am really upset that you think it is OK to ignore requests for payment for providing a service to you that we had agreed. I thought you were better than that. I didn't think that you of all people would try to steal a day from me to do your wedding photographs and then cause me so much stress in trying to get payment, particularly when you know that I"m heavily pregnant and took the pictures for you at considerable discomfort for myself. And as I've paid the second photographer already (assuming you do!) because I trusted you would honour your promises, it means that as a result of doing your wedding I am now out of pocket - money that I need for my baby. I am sure that you have paid your other suppliers; I don't understand how you can think of treating me so badly' and so on, basically pointing out that they are stealing time and money from you - if they see it in black and white it might make them think. They might be justifying it to themsekves that you are a friend so you should have done it for free or something along those lines

I might also be tempted to contact them at work to find out why they haven't paid you.

Cagliostro · 30/04/2017 13:45

Ugh I hate people that cheeky. Hope she pays up ASAP.

GabsAlot · 30/04/2017 13:48

i think youve been nice enough already how many times do u have to ask

grownuphippychic · 30/04/2017 17:39

Has she seen the pics? Is there a chance she doesn't like them and that's why she hasn't paid, and on some other thread she might be writing a "I don't know what to do" post .... Just a thought; I would've thought she'd be really keen to have the pics after all this time ...

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 17:48

No she hasn't seen the pics as I wasn't going to give her anything until I was paid. The pics are technically 'free' the £100 each was for our time taking the pics on the day. I'm assuming that's how a professional photographer would work, they'd have to be paid for even turning up on the day & buying the photos would be extra?

I've sent her a message. A bit blunt to be honest as I was in my pissed off mood, just asking if we were going to be paid now seeing as it was the end of the month (when she said she'd be in her last message about paying half & half) I really don't care if she gets the hump about my blunt message or not. She was never someone I'd class as a close friend, since we both moved we haven't even seen each other but we're just Facebook friends & would have chatted had we bumped into each other, so nothing has been lost on my part. Will let you all know if she replies.

And if she doesn't then yes I will go down the formal route as you have all suggested :)

OP posts:
anastasia38494032010 · 30/04/2017 17:50

Mumnetters are gonna hate me for this: what was the amount OP? I know it's gonna sound crazy, but please give her the pictures and raise above. That's probably what I would do. Thinking it's her wedding and though she's a twat she'll want to see those in a few years..........

Maybe I'm wrong, emotional, hormonal and crazy. Maybe... but does anyone see a fair bit of my point here?

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 17:51

Absolutely 100% fucking not.

OP posts:
anastasia38494032010 · 30/04/2017 17:52

I've seen the amount, this is almost nothing for professional photography! Don't delete them please, maybe you could keep some for your portofolio? (Never know!) i do hope you get your money OP though :)

ataraxia · 30/04/2017 17:53

Something fishy going on here on bride's end as she must know what a corker of a deal she had here. Also seems she sought you out after years of little contact to get the deal.

I know lots of photographers and mates rates for full day of wedding and reception photos appears to be between £300 and £600 + accommodation and travel (if necessary), and if at the lower end.

Other photographers simply won't be the pro photographer at a wedding given the stress, time and potential impact on relationships (though this is the most extreme example I've heard of) .

Bear in mind that from what I've heard, if someone gets mates rates at the lower end I described above, it does not include editing. Given the circumstances, consider not editing - whether or not you get paid. You won't have time with a toddler and a newborn, and see how she likes dropping £100+ on software, and the significant amount of time. You've already done more than enough work for £100! Unless you have any written agreement/contract to edit, but even then presumably that was contingent on the invoice being paid within a specified time.

anastasia38494032010 · 30/04/2017 17:53

@JonSnowsWhore point taken. My period came today. Full stop. Emotional and crazy.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 30/04/2017 17:54

I'd keep them but include late interest when she finally does pay. She surely must want her wedding pics? Add new interest each month and tell her that.

Goingtobeawesome · 30/04/2017 17:54

Are you the bride, Anastasia? Hmm

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 17:54

Yes that's what I was thinking, even if she doesn't pay I'll edit a few nicely & use them to make myself look good if I make a portfolio Grin

I'm sure she'll pay though, she'll want to keep up appearances & wont want to be seen as being a cheapskate I'm sure

OP posts:
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