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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's facial hair. I know IABVU but..

41 replies

yorkshapudding · 29/04/2017 15:22

DH and I have been together for 15 years. In all that time he has always had a (well groomed, not long) beard. I know lots of women really dislike facial hair but I've always liked it. Anyway, today he impulsively decided to shave it all off.

The shape of his face looks completely different. It's also aged him. A lot. He looks like his Dad now actually even though I never saw a resemblance before.

I don't like it Blush

I know, I know.. that makes me shallow, superficial and I am really not proud of myself but I can't help it. He's just so much more attractive to me with the beard. I haven't said anything and I won't because I would never want to hurt his feelings.

I know it's his body and his choice. Plus I'm the first to be outraged if a man tries to dictate how a woman should dress, how much make up she should wear etc etc and it would make me a total hypocrite. So I'm planning on keeping this to myself and hoping that he decides to grow it back that I get used to it.

Has anyone else been temporarily gutted about their partner changing something superficial about themselves?
Really hoping it's not just me Blush

OP posts:
NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 29/04/2017 15:24

I love my DH with a beard. It is odd when he first shaves it off but you'll get used to it!

iogo · 29/04/2017 15:25

Not just you. I loathe it when my DH shaves his head. He's rather overweight and it makes him look like a football hooligan. I tell him so. I also prefer him with a beard. I tell him that too. Sometimes he pays heed to me, sometimes he doesn't. Grin

victoriousblunder · 29/04/2017 15:30

Can't you just tell him that you prefer him with a beard?

GrimmDays · 29/04/2017 15:32

You are allowed to express a preference as long as you are happy for him to comment similarly re your hair.

iklboo · 29/04/2017 15:35

DH drunkenly did this once. The next day DS saw him, burst into tears and wailed 'you're not my daddy!'

Beard was grown back.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 29/04/2017 15:37

victorious I could, but then I know he'd feel obliged to grow it back for me and I do think he should be allowed to choose what he does with his own face. There was a thread about pubic hair grooming habits recently and the general concensus was that it's out of order for a man to ask a woman to remove her pubic hair. Surely the same should be true of men's facial hair in that case?

OP posts:
Mrsfrumble · 29/04/2017 15:38

DH has had a hipster moustache for the past few years. I prefer it when grows an accompanying beard (which he does occasionally), but I respect that it's his face and can grow what he likes on it.

Maybe someone else will tell your DH how much better the beard looks?

Cheerybigbottom · 29/04/2017 15:38

It's not just you. My husband has always had a close trimmed full beard and when he shaved it off I was devastated. He looked younger but it wasn't quite right. Absolutely ridiculous response from me of course but he just laughed at me and said he prefers a beard too. Beard now re-established thankfully.

SpreadYourHappiness · 29/04/2017 15:39

Yes, but the other way round. I was gutted when my DH grew a beard and moustache because I hate facial hair. I didn't like kissing him because of it. Thankfully, he didn't keep it for long Grin

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 29/04/2017 15:40

iklboo DH did say when he did it this morning "I hope it doesn't freak DD out" and (I probably shouldn't admit to this but) I was sort of hoping she'd freak out just a bit so he'd grow it back! She wasn't even remotely bothered though Grin

OP posts:
MattAffleck · 29/04/2017 15:43

I live in fear that DP will shave Blush he looks completely different.

Aderyn2016 · 29/04/2017 15:44

It is perfectly okay to express an opinion. I hate beards and have told dh this - if he chose to grow one anyway I would reserve the right not to kiss him!

Might he that you are just not used to it though and need a couple of days to adjust to seeing his face look a bit different.

Rockspin · 29/04/2017 15:44

My DH came home the other week with a shaved head. It was a huge shock as he looked so different and if I'm honest I wasn't keen on it, but he has been self conscious about his hair for a while as it's thinning on top and he's been going progressively shorter so I should have been braced for it really, but it was a bit of a shock.
Grown on me now though, especially since I can see the difference in his confidence.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 29/04/2017 15:48

FFS, DD has just gone up to DH stroked his cheek and said "I like your new face Daddy, it's soft". She's no help to me at all! Grin

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 29/04/2017 15:52

Apparently when I was about 3, my childminder's husband shaved his beard and when I saw him the next day, I burst into tears and refused to believe it was the same person for about a week!

FuzzyCustard · 29/04/2017 15:57

My DH lost all his hair to high dose chemo. He looks really different. Some of his friends have failed to recognise him at close quarters. I don't mind at all (it's truly immaterial because of the reason) but I can't stand it when people start on the "oh it really suits him. lots of people choose to shave their heads for fashion reasons" malarkey. Completely different background. But grrrr.....

Asmoto · 29/04/2017 15:58

My DH likes to have his hair cut short, then let it grow out for a few months. I much prefer it longer, and have said so, but I don't try to insist as he prefers the low maintenance of cropped hair. I persuaded him to dye it jet black for our wedding and it looked brilliant - I wish he'd do it again Grin.

honeylulu · 29/04/2017 16:02

I think it's the shock of seeing someone look "different".
My husband has worn glasses since his 20s so almost everyone we know never sees him without them. A while ago he tried contact lenses but gave them up mainly due to horrified reactions such as "you don't look like you" and "your face looks naked"!!

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 29/04/2017 16:03

Fuzzy Flowers

Wishing you and your DH all the best.

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 29/04/2017 16:03

My dh had a beard when we met. I made him shave it off before we got married, because I wanted to check I wouldn't be breeding by a chinless wonder. Blush

In the intervening time since (over 30 years) he's sometimes grown a beard, and sometimes shaved it off. But he always has a 'tache. He shaved it off once, I couldn't even look at him.

Floorblob · 29/04/2017 16:04

I don't find my husband attractive without facial hair. He goes from short stubble to quite bushy beard and I like all of those stages but if he ever clean shaves (2 or 3 times I can think of in 10+ years) it makes me shudder.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 29/04/2017 16:07

Yanbu my dh has had a beard a few years now. I was looking at our wedding pics from just before he grew one and was shocked at how much better he looks with one.

GreatFuckability · 29/04/2017 16:07

I had a boyfriend when I was about 17 who had the most beautiful black curly hair. and then he shaved it off. So i dumped him.

But in all seriousness, when my husband shaved his head I HATED it and was so happy when he grew his hair back again.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 29/04/2017 16:17

I'm the opposite. Mine grew a beard a couple of years ago, after neverchaving had one. I loathe it, but as everyone says, it's his face.

Meekonsandwich · 29/04/2017 16:17

Awwww!!! I remember always being so scared when friends and boy friends announced that they were going to the hairdressers because I was terrified it was going to look bad and I'd have to lie and pretend I liked it :s luckily that's never happened hahaha

But I shaved my head once and dh hated it, he openly said he didnt like it, but he shut up after a while and I just told him I can do what I like, but I grew my hair out in the end and feel better knowing he likes it and I'm not bothered either way. (And my ears got really cold)