DH's facial hair. I know IABVU but..

[yorkshapudding]

DH and I have been together for 15 years. In all that time he has always had a (well groomed, not long) beard. I know lots of women really dislike facial hair but I've always liked it. Anyway, today he impulsively decided to shave it all off.

The shape of his face looks completely different. It's also aged him. A lot. He looks like his Dad now actually even though I never saw a resemblance before.

I don't like it

I know, I know.. that makes me shallow, superficial and I am really not proud of myself but I can't help it. He's just so much more attractive to me with the beard. I haven't said anything and I won't because I would never want to hurt his feelings.

I know it's his body and his choice. Plus I'm the first to be outraged if a man tries to dictate how a woman should dress, how much make up she should wear etc etc and it would make me a total hypocrite. So I'm planning on keeping this to myself and hoping that he decides to grow it back that I get used to it.

Has anyone else been temporarily gutted about their partner changing something superficial about themselves?
Really hoping it's not just me

Within a few weeks of meeting DH I convinced him to shave his head (he was very thin on top) and grow a goatee. 12 years later he still has both and I couldn't bear if he changed it. MIL wasn't impressed at first either lol.

I don't see a problem with expressing an an opinion. Tbh I think it's a bit weirder to keep it to yourself out of politeness. And to use your comparison, I'd have no problem with my partner telling me he preferred my pubic hair a certain way. Certainly not saying I'd go along with his preference but as long as there's no pressure or sulking, opinions are fine by me!

YANBU. Though I'm not into bushy, long or unkempt beards, DH has always had a close-cropped neat beard. I think this kind of beard gives a more manly and distinguished appearance (well, it does for him). Once he shaved it all off to go scuba diving. He looked about 20 years younger but not in a good way. I just told him. He's dark so the next day the beard was already re-appearing, thank god. He didn't mind me mentioning I found it odd.

My OH looks like a member of a boyband c. early 1990s without a beard. He looks ridiculous, frankly, so I am glad he likes a bit of facial coverage.

YANBU but it's probably the shock! Your DD's comment actually made me chuckle!

I hate it when my OH shaves his luscious ginger beard off completely 😂 I've always said to him don't keep the beard just because I like it if you don't want it.

He keeps threatening to grown a man bun because he knows I despise them and I tell him I'll cut it off in his sleep. If he decided he genuinely wanted one of course he can do what he likes with his hair.

It doesn't do any harm to drop hints about what you prefer, you're not saying he has to do them!

My DH doesn't care what he looks like, so he wouldn't care if I expressed a negative opinion. Sometimes he might listen to me and other times he'll do whatever he wants.

BUT..... I care about my own appearance, and he is absolutely not allowed to give a negative opinion unless I tell him firmly that I want an honest opinion!

Is it double standards?..... Probably, but it works for us. He's not too precious about his appearance.

You should do what feels right for you as a couple.

My dh hates my hair short and I hate him clean shaven, so we have an agreement
Our youngest (6) told me the other day she doesn't know what he looks like without a beard so if he ever shaves it off she will have to watch while he does it.
Since I was a child my dad grows a massive beard every winter and shaves it off for the summer. The first time he took it off my sister was terrified and wouldn't go near him for days, it's quite a shock for a child, every time after that she sat with him while he did it and watched.
Op, just tell him you prefer him hairy, you might get used to it though?

Yep.

I told DP when he shaved his off that he's not getting any till it grows back.

I play with dp's hair when he's not shaved it off properly. It makes him look cute

When I was dating husband years ago he had a full, but closely trimmed, beard and mousteache. He looked quite piratical and scary, but very handsome and manly. One day he disappeared into the bathroom and came out clean shaven. He had turned into this mild looking, sweet natured chap. The change was phenomenal! It was as if I was now dating a completely different man. He grows it occasionally for Movember, but is now clean-shaven. I liked the pirate. But he's still gorgeous.

I warned my DH that I might not be able to look at his face for a while when he told me he was shaving his beard off. Thankfully he didn't shave it all off. In 13 years I've never actually seen him clean shaven!

I am not hugely bothered but I do find a hard stare and a "christ alive you look just like your dad!" tends to result in the beard being allowed to regrow in pretty short order.

When I was going out with DH, he surprised me one weekend by turning up with a beard. Just awful. It was shaved off the next time he came up and has never reappeared.

He doesn't like my hair short, so I keep it mid length to keep him happy. Every time he mentions a beard, I mention cutting my hair.

DW refused to talk to me after I shaved mine off. She much prefers me with a beard, so I had to grow it back (no hardship, not shaving = 20 minutes extra in bed each morning).

You're not being unreasonable and you wouldn't be unreasonable to say that you preferred the beard. I had my long hair cut into a 'long bob' last year and while DH never said he didn't like it, he did say he liked my hair long. I decided to grow it long again, because he's my husband and I like it both ways 😊

I have had to accept my husband's facial fuzz - he refuses to shave his tache. His reason is that he has had the tache longer than I've been alive, so it is part of him

I always tell him he's missed a bit when he has a shave. It's become a ritual nag out of habit more than anything else.