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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How long would you wait before cancelling?

38 replies

NameChangerConarantly · 29/04/2017 12:38

3 weeks ago I arranged for a babysitter for last night. Double checked a few days earlier that they were still ok to do last night. They said yes.

They were meant to arrive at 6pm. At 6:10pm I text to let them know that both children were in bed. They text back straight away saying they wouldn't be long.

Comes to 6:40pm and they've still not arrived so I text again asking if they knew how long they'd be. 6:50pm and no reply.

I was on the phone to my friend by this point as I was really really cross. My friend offered to come over and babysit. I said I'd give it till 7pm and see if they text back.

7pm still no text back so I text and said sorry I'm going to have to cancel, "Mary" is coming over to watch the kids

They instantly text back and said they were walking up. I didn't text back by this point, just rang a taxi.

Taxi came at 7:15pm and I did see them walking up. But by this point my friend was already in my house and I'd already text and cancelled.

Was I being unreasonable to cancel? One friend says I wasn't at all and 1:15 hour isn't far too late and the other friend said I should of paid the babysitter anyway as is the etiquette.

I paid my friend to look after my children.

The babysitter works full time and I'm a single mum on benefits. We are the same age. I'd saved up for a month to be able to go out last night and enjoy myself. I don't want bashing for being on benefits.

Dad isn't involved and I have zero family so getting a babysitter was bloody hard work in the first place.

There's no way I could afford to pay the babysitter ( for not babysitting ) as well as pay my friend for actually babysitting.

Friend didn't want payment but I made her take it because she did me a massive favour.

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 29/04/2017 12:41

If you'd have needed to leave at 6, you'd have been fucked. V unprofessional from babysitter and you were more than generous in your time allowances.

wonderingsoul · 29/04/2017 12:41

No ynbu its there own fault they should have let you know if they was running late

Bobbins43 · 29/04/2017 12:41

Fuck, no. She was way out of line. You don't turn up over an hour late for a job. You owe her nothing.

Wolfiefan · 29/04/2017 12:42

You didn't cancel. They did by not turning up! Why would you pay them?!?!

SquatBetty · 29/04/2017 12:45

She was over an hour late! Of course you wouldn't pay her! I'd have probably cancelled her after about 30 mins of being late. Good thing your friend was able to step in.

drivingmisspotty · 29/04/2017 12:46

I think you were completely fair. Basically she broke the contract by being so late (and worse not staying in touch about it!)

I think this is equivalent to her cancelling really. If you had cancelled because you had changed plans/you or DC was ill I think etiquette is to pay the babysitter anyway. But responsibility for this is definitely with her!

Maybe she will have learnt a lesson!

category12 · 29/04/2017 12:48

YANBU, don't pay the babysitter. They let you down.

NC1nightstand · 29/04/2017 12:49

Did you have (a very much deserved) good time? Bloody hope so! X
Also, if your friend couldn't have helped you at the last minute your night would've been ruined so not only do you not owe them a penny but you may want to consider letting others know about their insane idea of timekeeping, why should they get any more babysitting jobs with that attitude?

Floorblob · 29/04/2017 12:51

I'd have given her 30 mins max before cancelling and would have expected a bloody good excuse for that! No way would I have paid at over 1 hour late.

Moreisnnogedag · 29/04/2017 12:54

I don't think you cancelled at all! You can't rock up an hour late bullshitting all the way that you're almost there and expect to get paid. Plus I'd never ask her again! Did she herself ask for payment or seem arsey at all?

RiversrunWoodville · 29/04/2017 12:58

No way should you pay unless she had sent some kind of sos "l'll be there at x time traffic/fell into a giant sinkhole/stuck in the toilet " type message where you said fine but I need to leave by 7 then she left you high and dry.

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/04/2017 13:00

Yanbu. Very poor of her. Hope you had a good night Smile

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/04/2017 13:00

Yanbu. They were very rude to be so late and in such poor communication about it.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/04/2017 13:03

You owe her nothing and I hope that you managed to have a nice night.

PoshPenny · 29/04/2017 13:04

You're not unreasonable at all. If your original babysitter had turned up at the right time rather than an hour late then you wouldn't have had to cancel her and find someone else.

user1493022461 · 29/04/2017 13:04

She was over an hour late for work. She can fuck right off if she expected to be paid, if I were her I would be more worried that you will tell everyone how unreliable she is. Who wants to book an babysitter that doesn't show?

Beeziekn33ze · 29/04/2017 13:04

Why shouldn't you enjoy an evening out?! 🍸🎉
'Other friend' has an odd idea of etiquette! Good that you had 'Mary' to step in.
YANBU!!!

MatildaTheCat · 29/04/2017 13:07

Why do you need to write you are on benefits? Completely irrelevant.

PerfectPeachy · 29/04/2017 13:07

YANBU ...but I think that's obvious 😁

ThouShallNotPass · 29/04/2017 13:10

I agree with the rest. You didn't cancel. The babysitter did by not turning up.

Has the babysitter said anything? I would certainly never ask them again and if they do it professionally which of course they don't I would make sure to leave them a review where appropriate. Why on earth would anyone think a service provider would need paying for a service they didn't provide and simply didn't show up to?

Flyinggeese · 29/04/2017 13:14

The etiquette is for the babysitter / anyone who has made an arrangement to not be late! YANBU.

PeaFaceMcgee · 29/04/2017 13:14

Is the babysitter actually kicking up a fuss? Or just your friend who thinks yabu?

You didn't do anything wrong. She didn't turn up at the agreed time, failed to reassure you in good time and therefore didn't keep her side of the agreement. You owe her nothing.

ThouShallNotPass · 29/04/2017 13:14

@MatildaTheCat I think the OP is emphasising the importance and significance of this rare night out. To most on benefits, a night out is unaffordable therefore is more special when it does happen. A baby sitter not showing up is a little more than a small inconvenience. (Like in my household we would just go another night. We have the cash.
Also, paying both the friend who sat, AND the no show babysitter cannot happen on limited income.

AndNowItIsSeven · 29/04/2017 13:14

Just surprised you had two dc asleep by 6pm. How old are they?

Butterymuffin · 29/04/2017 13:18

Babysitter is in the wrong, they weren't on time and not just by a few minutes, by ages! What if you'd had tickets for something and then hadn't been allowed in because you were late having waited around for the babysitter? I think she'd decided for whatever reason that she didn't have to bother being professional for this job. She lost the job as a result. Her fault entirely.