To think I do need to cover my scars *TW for self harm*

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Backstory: I suffered severe mental health problems throughout my teens and early twenties, repeated hospitalisations etc etc. I spent some time living in supported housing, worked my butt off to get some qualifications (I didn't finish school) and ultimately a good degree from a top 10 uni. I now work in a professional role in a sector I love, a job I never dreamed I'd be able to do ten years ago. I consider myself in remission, it's been 5 years since I was last unwell. Go me.

But I have quite extensive self harm scars down one arm left over. They are all old and pale now, and luckily freckly skin hides the worst on the outside of my arm, but they are very clearly self inflicted and not just thin white scratch lines.

I'm at a place in my current company where I don't hide them now, I've proven myself a smart, capable person and I know no one thinks anything about them. If they do it's not mentioned and doesn't effect my work. I never cover them in my personal life.

I am currently in a process for a new job in the same sector, that would also be client facing (very important clients) and when discussing this with friends who work in the same sector earlier this week I made a comment about how I was going to have a fun summer back in long sleeves if I get the job. I'm always hot and will suffer! But I know I need to cover them for at least a few months internally while I establish myself and probably forever with clients. My friends were quick to jump in how I shouldn't have to cover them, they're obviously old, it shows growth and that I'm strong etc etc. I said I want to be taken seriously as a professional and, wrong or right, the scars definitely work against me.

I'm right aren't I? If you were my client you would certainly have second thoughts about me if you saw the scars? Perhaps no one should care and should take me at face value, but that ain't life. Sorry this is super long, but would appreciate thoughts. Anyone else with scars they do or don't cover at work?

I have lots. I have always covered mine at work for the first 6 months in a new job, and then started to roll them up (but I never wear short sleeves that can't be pulled down). I pull my sleeves down if I'm working closely with anyone where they'll be likely to see them.

I've recently gone back to uni for a healthcare course, and I had to roll them up for handwashing training. Someone immediately pointed them out, and it was awkward, so I cover them at university now.

You can't control anyone's reaction once they're out there. Yes, people shouldn't behave in a negative way, as you can't help it, but it's about whether you want to take the risk. I often err on the side of caution with mine, because I don't want to have a discussion about them, or look like I'm trying to be a poster child for mental health awareness. But maybe I am being cowardly.

You shouldn't have to, but yes, I would probably cover them at first personally, if only for an easy life and to avoid possible unwanted questions and potential judgements.

I have a few old scars myself, all on my wrist. When I was younger I always kept them covered with long sleeves or wristbands. Nowadays I just wear a chunky watch. They are still visible if anyone were to pointedly look at my wrist, and although very pale now they are still obviously self harm scars, but as far as I'm aware, nobody actually notices. I've never had any questions asked anyway. If they were more noticeable I would definitely cover them more especially in work-related situations. I'm not ashamed but they are not representative of the person I am now, as I haven't done this in 10 years and never would again. I work in mental health.

If I were your client and server scars on your arm I wouldn't particularly be bothered. What I would think is that you have obviously had some trauma or mental I'll health in the past that you are now through. You scars are your vulnerability and strength and I would let think people think the same way..... However some people will see your scars before they see you and it's dependent on whether you are bothered or not. I would like to say I wouldn't cover up but in reality I would care what others thought before they got to know me and would cover for work to start with. Good luck and good on you

Clients would need to be prejudiced to be bothered by this IMO.

In all honesty, I think it depends on your job role. I have extensive scaring over one arm and both wrists. In my normal life is don't hide it, but in a role with children in probably would try to. The scars are raised, so noticeable even now they're faded. In a corporate job, I would probably, as you say, cover for the first 6 months then have them uncovered.

I used to be very conscious of my scars and always kept them covered but now they have faded to fine white lines I'm much less self conscious about them. I do usually keep my arms covered but more to cover up fat sagging arms than due to scars.

Could u go for the sheer blouse with satin vest underneath just for the first couple of months - it's just to establish yourself first

I'm definitely more self conscious of mine if I'm around people I don't know, and I also think I notice them when others don't.

I tend to cover them all the time at work, but less with friends. In a new job I would cover them. I don't agree that that's what you have to do, but more that you need to do what feels right.

I know that I find it difficult when I see someone else's, so I try not to put another person in a tricky position by seeing mine.

I agree with others that you shouldn't need to cover scars but I probably would in your position. With colleagues you can build a relationship but with clients you don't get the same opportunity.
While it wouldn't affect my opinion of you in a professional capacity I can understand your concerns. If nothing else some people are uncontrollably nosey and you don't need your scars to be the focus of what should be a business meeting!

Can I just thank you all for your posts. My son is in a mental health hospital at the moment due to severe self harm. We try not to think too far into the future and to be honest at the moment him getting a job is the least of our worries. But it is so comforting to know that people do recover and go on to have what sounds like " good" lives.
Thank you all so much for giving us hope x

I love this tattoo because it speaks volumes. It was in your past and you are now in your future. You shouldn't be covering yourself up for the rest of your life for fear of how people view them. A few of my customers have obvious self harm scars on them, it doesn't phase me or make me think any less of them.

I always covered them at work. Now I'm a SAHM I'm a bit more relaxed but I do occasionally see people clocking them at playgroups etc and think ah shit, if I want more friends I should probably wear long sleeves.

People say there isn't prejudice but in my experience there is a lot of fucking prejudice. An assumption that you might be a bit 'unpredictable' or perhaps a bit...flaky, if that's the right word. Someone who needs careful handling, someone a bit difficult. All dressed up as 'oh it's only because I care / don't want to upset them'.

If your job is stressful I would cover. You don't want to be denied exciting opportunities because it 'might be too much for you'.

This is all shite I've heard previously from colleagues btw, who were totally unaware of my MH history and were discussing others who were open about it behind their backs. I did what I could to challenge prejudice from the inside, but too cowardly to take the bullets myself.

I agree with the PP that said sheer sleeves would give you the best of both worlds.

As an aside I wonder whether some laser treatment might take the scars away?

I've never had a colleague mention it, but I tend to at some point in normal conversation/jokey way or something because I think if they notice it's fair to comment on it at some point.

If people ask why I'm wearing long sleeves when it's hot I usually say it's because I burn easily.

I noticed my dentist hadentists quite severe, obviously self harming scars, but tbh all I thought was he was really brave not to care and he was a great dentist.

Unfortunately visible disability be it mental or physical makes people uncomfortable. It's fucking shit, but turn up on a date or to work in a wheel chair and some people will walk out. Turn up with scars and some people will walk out. they dont understand and dont want to. It says more about them.

I would cover in the beginning and then uncover if you feel comfortable, it's a horrible decision to have to make on a hot day.

Best of luck to you!

I think your instinct is correct tbh. Cover to establish yourself then once your reputation is clear and secure to back to your normal dressing.

The other reason for doing this is so that they can establish their reputation to you - you may find from casual conversations that you're not comfortable revealing past MH issues because they're prejudiced.

I don't have scars but have worked with people who do and FWIW, when I see them I think "oh past issues, must have been difficult, glad they're OK now". But not everyone thinks like that and that might not be a reaction you're happy with, either.

Yes, you need to cover them.

I work with children and regularly see their parents. No way on earth would I ever go to work in short sleeves. Even when I'm teaching dance I make sure I have thin cover ups on.

To do otherwise would be irresponsible and inappropriate, imo.

I should have said - I think your instinct is correct because it's your body and your career and you've got the experience, feelings and professional nous to do what's best for you in your industry.

Have you tried bio oil? It's v good at fading I find.

I think it's up to you. If it were me I'd probably cover them up but I wouldn't judge some one who didn't.

Most healthcare professionals in hospitals have no choice due to the 'bare below the elbow' rule for Infection control.

I know that I find it difficult when I see someone else's, so I try not to put another person in a tricky position by seeing mine

This is a good point. A lot of people with a history of self harm or self harm thoughts can find the sight of other people's injuries/scars very triggering. Although, I suppose you could argue that if everyone was more open about it this might not be the case.

I keep mine covered at work but I do think my situation is different as I work with children. If I was working in an office environment I may be more open to them being visible, I'm not sure.

I think it really comes down to what you feel comfortable with and whilst your friends mean well, they don't have to walk in your shoes. Keeping your scars covered doesn't mean you're ashamed, it just means you're choosing not to share that part of your life. There is a big difference between private and secret imo.

I cover mine. I'm not ashamed of them and I'm at a point in my career where it wouldn't matter at all, but it just feels too personal to bring to work. I wouldn't just start chatting about my past mental health to colleagues and clients, so I don't show it either.

The scars can also be triggering to other people, so I try to keep that in mind.

toobreathless - is there no way round that for people in situations like this or for people who need to cover up for religious reasons? I can see the problem but I would have thought it would be seen as discrimination if there was absolutely no choice but to have bare arms.

Thanks all. I definitely will be covering at least to start - my goal is how to dress up a nice white cotton long sleeve T! I have a couple of tattoos on my arms, which are a good excuse usually for why I wear long sleeves at work (and also serve as a distraction from the scars) as I think tattoos can look unprofessional too. But new company's clients probably wouldn't mind tattoos.

Lasering not an option, my scars are wide in places but white and flat, lasering will only help to reduce redness and keloid bumps. I am at least grateful they are white and flat.

I have no problem discussing them if it comes up in general, I fought hard to get well and if people want to ask questions and understand more I'm happy to oblige. Luckily I'm a pretty confident, outgoing person who takes no shit this is purely an issue with professional perception.