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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report after-school incident to school

51 replies

RedSkyAtNight · 29/04/2017 10:24

I genuinely can't work out whether I am over-reacting (or possibly under-reacting!) here and what I should do.

Yesterday DD (11, in Year 6) walked home from school with her same aged friend. About 15 minutes walk away from school (distance mentioned to be clear this was not a "at school" incident), 3 Year 6 boys thought it would be amusing to squirt water at the girls from water bottles and stuff grass down the back of their tops.

The girls are adamant that they did nothing to provoke the boys and repeatedly told them to stop it and leave them alone. They were both a bit shaken when they got home, but not seriously upset.

I have told them that I will ring the school after the bank holiday and see if someone can "have a word" (not sure if they can/will as it was out of school?). However my gut feeling is that the boys thought it was a funny prank that they took too far, rather than it being malicious, so I did wonder if this was overkill. DH thinks I am being too blase and it could be considered assault.

I don't suppose it matters but for the sake of completeness I'll add that the girls are actually physically bigger than the boys involved.

Does my response (ringing the school) sound like the right thing to do?

OP posts:
befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 10:25

Do you know the parents.

honeysucklejasmine · 29/04/2017 10:26

I would.

Trifleorbust · 29/04/2017 10:27

The children are in a position to behave like this because of meeting at school and walking home together. Most schools treat behaviour going to and from school (and in uniform) as subject to the same expectations as at school. I would flag this up given that you said they were a bit shaken and repeatedly said they wanted to be left alone.

littleblackno · 29/04/2017 10:29

I would ring the school. Both you and your dh are right to some degree, the boys need to be aware that their actions could have serious consequences.

Something similar happened to me outside of school- I was slightly older and it was malicious - my mum went to school and they did take it seriously and take action.

Strictly1 · 29/04/2017 10:29

As a HT I would like to know and deal with it. They are in uniform and representing the school.

Darkblueskies · 29/04/2017 10:33

Definitely contact the school. This is something they will deal with.

EweAreHere · 29/04/2017 10:33

Our school would want to know. Please report it.

Livelovebehappy · 29/04/2017 10:34

I've reported out of school incidences in the past, if it involves pupils from the same school, and the school have addressed it with no problem. I think they take the stance that even though not happening in school time, it can still have a knock on effect within school too. But this incident does seem to be boys behaving in a silly, show off way, than anything sinister or malicious. If you know the parents of at least one of the boys, could you speak to them about it in a non confrontational way? Sounds like they just need to be made aware that the girls were upset. But if you feel it has upset the girls massively, and they are still upset about it after the weekend, maybe it does need to be reported to school, but my guess is they will have forgotten all about it by the end of the weekend. Year 6 girls can be very dramatic!

DeadMorose · 29/04/2017 10:34

Yes, you should call the school. Most of the bullying that happened to my DS was on the way home from school. The school said that it is their business because bully was wearing school uniform.

Allthewaves · 29/04/2017 10:35

It was a prank. I'd probably speak to dd teacher, say it was a prank that went a bit far and u would like the boys had a word with - don't think there needs to be more punishment than that tbh

Moussemoose · 29/04/2017 10:35

The school may or may not want to know. The only way you can find out is to tell the school and then the school can decide what to do.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2017 10:38

I'd say it was kids being kids myself but the fact they were shaken concerns me. I assume they want you to talk to the school? If so I would do. I'd let them decide in this instance.

user1493453415 · 29/04/2017 10:48

Kids will be kids, but as they are in school uniform they are representing the school and school should be made aware of it.

"DH thinks I am being too blase and it could be considered assault". Your DH is going to have seriously big problems come high school if he's going to allude to every prank potentially being assault.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 10:56

Yes, the school will want to know, and will deal with it as if it had been a similar event at school

harderandharder2breathe · 29/04/2017 10:58

I agree that it sounds like they were being silly and went too far rather than malicious or assault!

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't mention it to the school. Children represent their school whenever they're in uniform, and children should be able to walk to and from school without getting grass shoved down their shirts and water squirted at them

PovertyPain · 29/04/2017 10:59

It may have started out as a 'prank', but once the girls told them to stop it, then it became bullying. If it was three girls that did it to two other girls, would it be a prank? Or is there an undercurrent of "boys will be boys", affecting posters' thinking on this?

user1493453415 · 29/04/2017 11:01

poverty It's nothing to do with gender - girls can also pull pranks on boys who can be equally unwanting of the attention.

Hence why I specifically said, kids will be kids.

PovertyPain · 29/04/2017 11:05

It was still bullying when they didn't stop.

Elphaba99 · 29/04/2017 11:09

I wouldn't call it an assault; think your DH is being a little OTT. But I would certainly inform the school. The children were in uniform and on the way home from school. It's not unreasonable to inform the school.

Poor little girls - my dd would have been shaken too at that age.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 29/04/2017 11:10

Phone the school.

My DSS got in trouble for being abusive on an online game to another kid at his school. Even though it was out of school and at the weekend, the school took it very seriously.

I do not think this is a prank. If I was walking along the road and three men (known to me or not) started spraying me with water and started putting grass down my top, it would be assault. Why should it be different for a child?

user1493453415 · 29/04/2017 11:13

Because one is a grown man who should know the difference between right and wrong and one is a 10 / 11 year old child who is still learning the difference between right or wrong.

Educate, reprimand if needed, suggest a different way to entertain them, no need to label them with assault.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 29/04/2017 11:15

I am a teacher and I would take this seriously - you would be absolutely right to phone the school.

DJBaggySmalls · 29/04/2017 11:23

Forcibly shoving something down a girls top is assault, especially after she has said 'stop'. I'd report it to both schools.

OffRoader · 29/04/2017 11:31

All bullying starts as a 'prank' surely Confused

The girls were upset and the children responsible should have their behaviour pulled up. It's not acceptable to harass people who are walking home and minding their own business.

The replies on this thread prove why it's pointless going to the parents. They might brush it off with boys will be boys kids will be kids.

School won't though.

LornaD40 · 29/04/2017 11:36

Definitely tell school.