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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report after-school incident to school

51 replies

RedSkyAtNight · 29/04/2017 10:24

I genuinely can't work out whether I am over-reacting (or possibly under-reacting!) here and what I should do.

Yesterday DD (11, in Year 6) walked home from school with her same aged friend. About 15 minutes walk away from school (distance mentioned to be clear this was not a "at school" incident), 3 Year 6 boys thought it would be amusing to squirt water at the girls from water bottles and stuff grass down the back of their tops.

The girls are adamant that they did nothing to provoke the boys and repeatedly told them to stop it and leave them alone. They were both a bit shaken when they got home, but not seriously upset.

I have told them that I will ring the school after the bank holiday and see if someone can "have a word" (not sure if they can/will as it was out of school?). However my gut feeling is that the boys thought it was a funny prank that they took too far, rather than it being malicious, so I did wonder if this was overkill. DH thinks I am being too blase and it could be considered assault.

I don't suppose it matters but for the sake of completeness I'll add that the girls are actually physically bigger than the boys involved.

Does my response (ringing the school) sound like the right thing to do?

OP posts:
user1493453415 · 29/04/2017 11:38

OffRoader

Where have I brushed it off - I said report it to school so it's dealt with, but the DH needs to calm down a bit with labelling kids as assaulting. Kids do stupid things and they need to be corrected and reprimanded.
I've also never said that it wasn't bullying.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 11:40

OffRoader

No-one has brushed it off.

SoupDragon · 29/04/2017 11:40

The replies on this thread prove why it's pointless going to the parents. They might brush it off with boys will be boys kids will be kids.

No it doesn't. I think it's a case of kids being stupid and not thinking but I would still have a stern word if any of my DC had carried on after being asked to stop. It had absolutely bog all to do with boys either, all kids are perfectly capable of being stupid.

To call it assault and bullying is a huge over reaction and minimises real assault and bullying. When did we become unable to tell the difference between a childish prank and bullying and assault?

If my DC was a victim of this, I would have a word with the school and suggest they talk to the children about this sort of behaviour.

StewieGMum · 29/04/2017 11:41

The police would take this seriously if you reported it to them so the school certainly will too. Squirting water is a prank. Stuffing grass down their shirts isn't. Continuing when the girls said stop is also not a prank. It fucks me off no end when people dismiss bullying behaviour from boys as 'silly'.
And then wonder why we have a serious issue with violence by teenage boys and men. The boys need to know their behaviour was inappropriate and bullying now so they don't escalate in the future.

jellybeanteaparty · 29/04/2017 11:41

I would report it to school so they are aware and can make the decision if anything should be done and so there is a record should any further incident happen.
My DD had an incident at school that some would have classed as bullying and she was so worried about reporting it that that made me more concerned again! In the end we asked for school to record that something had happened but not take any action at all so if it happened again or escalated the school would be aware.

SoupDragon · 29/04/2017 11:42

It fucks me off no end when people dismiss bullying behaviour from boys as 'silly'.

It fucks me off when people keep blaming stuff on the sex of the prankster. I would feel the same if they have been girls doing it to boys.

Serialweightwatcher · 29/04/2017 11:45

I would consider it a prank from silly teenage boys and would ask school to speak to them so it doesn't happen again ... this always used to happen when I was at school and it doesn't mean it will become more serious so I think assault is a bit too severe a term, but definitely need to be spoken to by the school not the parents (school will probably contact them anyway)

Notso · 29/04/2017 11:48

I think the boys need to know they went too far, and school is probably best placed to deal with that although as a parent I would want to know if it was one of mine who had gone too far.
However the cries of bullying and assault are a bit OTT. Whether people like it or not 'kids will be kids' they aren't mini adults, they are learning and get things wrong sometimes.
I was bullied for years and I certainly don't think it started as a prank. Bullying is more than a one off mean incident IMO.

elevenclips · 29/04/2017 11:49

I'd report it to the school. Those boys aren't old enough to walk unaccompanied if they can't behave.

OffRoader · 29/04/2017 11:59

If I approached the parents the children involved and was told 'I'm sure it was just a prank, kids will be kids'

I'd be pissed off. That's how I read the tone of the replies. But everyone seems to agree that OP should report to the school.

Hope it gets sorted OP and your DD doesn't feel anxious walking home from school everyday.

MistySparrow · 29/04/2017 12:08

Typical year 6 stuff - I do think you should report it to the school because they would want to know and although I personally wouldn't categorise it as an assault as such, it could have triggered a panic attack/asthma attack etc. I think Yr 6 need to be reigned in sometimes - they are all a bit worried about new schools but also top of the tree at school and a bit bullish.

soapboxqueen · 29/04/2017 12:36

Report it to the school. They will want to know and the boys in question need telling that it isn't on.

It's not bullying because it was a one off incident.

I would class it as an assault. They put hands on another person who didn't want it. Though I wouldn't be taking it to the police.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 12:43

Misty

I agree about year 6s. It can be a good time to remind them that 10 is the age of Criminal Responsibility and that when they start Secondary they'll need to be thinking clearly about the consequences of their actions. It's all a learning curve

RhiWrites · 29/04/2017 13:43

NotYoda, I thought the same. Someone above said they're kids not adults - time to teach them that's not necessarily so in the eyes of the law.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 29/04/2017 13:47

There was a thread recently where the OP said that almost every woman she knows has some form of experienced sexual assault in their lives. There were many who said that their first assault was in primary school, with boys putting their hands on them, down tops etc. This then continued throughout their lives in some form or another.

Our children need to grow up knowing that no one has the right to touch them without their consent.

10/11 year old children are capable of knowing right from wrong. The age of criminal responsibility is 10 in the UK.

MaisyPops · 29/04/2017 13:51

I'd ignore the slightly hysterical take that this is assault etc.

It sounds like what started as a joke, stopped being funny and it caused upset. It's not appropriate.
Kids can be kids. Bullying is repeated. If it's happened once it can be upsetting but it's not bullying. (Yes, bullying can start as jokes but let's avoid the MN view that anything that's not nice is some massive issue)

Call the school, maybe they can put a reminder in their school notices. E.g. we've had reminders just saying residents would like is to remind you to keep footballs under control on the way home as they've had quite a few kids needing to retrieve them from front gardens. So they could remind students of the standard thy should hold to and from school.
They might also pull the boys up and say if it happens again take it further.

Trb17 · 29/04/2017 13:55

I would absolutely report to the school and ask that the boys be warned that if it happens again you will report to the police as an assault. Girls should be shown that any physical touching they do not want is not acceptable - even if the boys claim it was a prank. The girls deserve to not feel scared when walking home. The boys need to know they cannot act this way too.

In the grand scheme of things it's typical kids stuff, but the school should definitely address it and warn the boys not to ever do it again.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 29/04/2017 14:19

I'd tell the school. My experience is they want to know. Even if it's after the event they can bring it up as in class for everyone.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/04/2017 14:42

The school will want to know.

UppityHumpty · 29/04/2017 15:39

I'd let the police know tbh. Bullying like this escalates. Best to nip it in the bud

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 15:41

It's not bullying if it happened once

CaulkheadNorth · 29/04/2017 15:42

IME things like this get carried over into school as well.

It's definitely worth telling school.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 29/04/2017 15:46

It wasn't an assault and it wasn't bullying. I would also bet my last bottom dollar that the girls had been doing significantly more than "nothing" until the point they decided the arsing around had gone far enough.

Yes, of course you tell the school. But without the mass hysteria.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 15:49

Wouldn't waste police time with this, but definitely speak to the school

user1493453415 · 29/04/2017 15:49

"I'd let the police know tbh. "

REALLY?

Fuck it's no wonder our police are on their knees.