dd and language school

[thesourceofLoveandLight]

We are a bilingual family of two cultures. We relocated to the UK last year, and have settled DD in school here. On Saturdays she attends school in her other language, at the level she would have been at should we have stayed in the other country. The other language is non alphabetic, and can be hard work.

DD hates it. Homework is a huge chore and turning into a fight more often than not.

She would prefer to quit. My worry is that we may go back to the other country - DH doesn't have a visa here yet - so she will need to be literate there for school, and even if we stay here, she needs to know her own country's language.

AiBU making her study?

Is the homework absolutely compulsory? I'm English but lived in China for years as a child, came back aged 13 fairly fluent and then went to Chinese school on Saturdays much against my will until I sat A level Mandarin and was allowed to drop it. I appreciate I was much older than your daughter but I point blank refused to do the homework as well as spending hours on a Saturday at the place - it worked out in the end, though I didn't have the worry of fitting back into the school system as we knew we were back in the UK for good. Because all the children were from different schools and had different commitments the teachers weren't that strict about it - certainly less strict than any teachers I had in China! I learned characters by sticking them up on the back of the loo door 50 at a time and replacing them once I knew them. I do appreciate this is important for your daughter but even if she's a bit behind if you move back to Japan, she's very young and will catch up again!

Could she not just do more fun things in the language tv etc

Sorry I see you've answered the homework question already - tired brain. In which case I can only suggest making it totally non-negotiable but softening

Sorry posted too soon- softening it as much as you can with treats/ bribery. And would changing timings work? I.e. Getting up early in he morning to do her language homework before school, so she's not facing it when she's already really tired from a day at school? Or getting a massive chunk of it done on a Sunday so there's less to do the rest of the week?

Hi to the OP, funny you didn't mention which language it was. My BIL (Brit) and SIL (Japanese) have a little daughter who'll be 2 in July. He speaks Japanese rather fluently as he's also lived there for 10 years whilst teaching English. She now has a visum here and she consistently speaks Japanese with her daughter. The signs are being recognised as well now (songs and rhymes on Japanese tv, Skype with grandparents, etc), and she speaks and understands Japanese better than English.
They may go back to Japan and would probably consider having Japanese school prior to that even if she is already immersed in it right now.

I like the idea someone put up about learning the signs from putting them in the toilet. Otherwise I'd be surprised if she weren't picking it up as soon as you decide to move back out there.

Good luck! I still think that the daily amount of homework for the Japanese is too much for a 7 year old.

Try turning it on its head. If you do go back, and she's behind, what are your options then? Can you put her in an international school? Temporary home tuition until she's caught up?

If you took her out of the school for say, a year, she'd still speak it, still watch TV, you could do some level of teaching at home, and she'd be, what, a year or so behind on writing? That'd take no time to catch up on with extra tuition.

I understand what you are saying about her needing to know her own language even if she stays here, but I know adults now who were forced to attend similar Saturday schools as small children and still have primary school literacy levels. If she's not on board she won't progress as well, so I'd wait till she's a little older or find a more relaxed setting (computer based?)

I didn't mention the language because I didn't want to be identified and because I didn't want people who speak a little but don't really understand making unviable suggestions. Also, the point is aibu making her maintain two languages despite her resenting the heavy workload.

Dropping it until she is older won'j work. She would fall behind her grade and not be acceptfdd at the school, and it would be ten times as hard to learn hundreds of kanji - Chinese characters - at once to catch up!

sorry that sounds grumpy and ungrateful; I don't mean to be.

We had the same scenario OP, although our language school was 3 times per week. The children were, ahem, rewarded bribed to an inch of my life to go and do work. I am a very lax parent but this was non-negotiable. It really paid off and the parents who left it because it was too much work/hassle/commitment all regret it, and their children blame them too!

OP the Japanese system is much more rigorous than the UK so your dd will need to be accustomed to this should you go back. I don't think 45 mins a night is too taxing (it will be a lot more than that in Japan I assume?) so find a way to make it viable. You may need to buy a new toy every week so start saving. Languages are even more important now because of Brexit, having written/spoken Japanese will be a massive plus point in the future for your dd.

Hi,

At work we use the Japan Foundation - they (like the China Programme) provide funding for Japanese language learning. If you call them I'm sure they'd give you great advice. Also contact the Japanese Embassy as they too have links expat networks for kids who need to learn the language here.

www.jpf.org.uk/language/teaching_resources.php

I would persevere.

Try everything you can - sitting with her whilst she does the homework, making it as fun as possible, using incentives and bribes.

We live in a non English-speaking country and my children attend a serious English language school on Saturdays, with homework and reading. It means they are level pegging with kids in the U.K., as well as going to school locally.

At times it has been hard. At age 7, my D.C. were reluctant readers in English, even though they had secure phonics in English. So we started a reward system. $7 per book read in English, going up to $8 at age 8 and so on. It was very effective!

Keep at it.

If there is a strong chance that you will have to return to the other country, then I think for the moment it is worth encouraging/bribing/forcing her to continue with the Saturday school. I don't blame a 7-year-old for not wanting to do that much homework, but by Japanese or Chinese standards, 45 minutes per evening is not that much at primary school level.

If she does fall really behind in the language, and you do have to return to your DH's country (I'm assuming Japan or China) in a few years, and she finds it too hard to reintegrate into the local school system, then if you are in a large city there is always the option of taking the international school route, if you can afford it. There are more bilingual international schools now in Japan, for example - my DCs went to one in Tokyo - so it wouldn't necessarily mean just sticking with English. However it would still close off a lot of opportunities in terms of university entrance, and would mean she would always feel more detached from local society, on top of only having one local parent, which is still an issue in both China and Japan.

If it is Japan, and you are in Scotland, the difference in summer holiday dates means it might be possible to take her back to Japan as soon as term finishes every summer, claim residency with relatives and enrol her in a local school for the last few weeks of term to boost her fluency - I know families who have done this regularly over the years. Obviously only works if you can afford the trip every year and have one non-working/term-time only working parent. One half-Chinese classmate of DD's goes back to his mother's home-town in China every summer to do similar.

Just to add also consider language 'summer' camps in Japan for her if you can afford it. That's basically how a number of Japanese expat colleagues ensure they themselves remain fluent. It's basically a 12 hour a day/all inclusive reading/writing/speaking Japanese. I think they have them for kids too.

Language teacher here, also bilingual family with non alphabetic 2nd language! At that age I'd just do loads of reading, radio/audio books, films etc in addition to the one parent, one language approach...or is the issue that she'd havemail to keep up with a whole school curriculum? Sympathy on the visa situ!!!

I went to international schools with Japanese kids, all who did Saturday school for the same reasons. One friend used to have to write to her grandmother every week, which she hated but meant she was using the written language. She was the only one of my Japanese classmates to go to university in Japan and she has an amazing relationship with her grandmother now, so it paid off despite all the fights with her parents.

Hello OP. I think the language is relevant in this case, because it's not the kind of language where the kids will catch up easily if you go back to Japan, assigns being semi-literate would be a major disadvantage.

As you're not certain that you're settling in the UK, I'm afraid I would push your dd to continue with the Japanese school for the time being. I'd also invest in plenty of age-appropriate reading material so that she can do stuff at home - the books with furigana alongside the kanji are good for practice.

Years ago, I conducted a research project into the re-adaptation of kikokushijo to Japanese life, funded by one of the Japanese banks. I interviewed lots of children and their families about their experiences of returning to Japan, and functional illiteracy was one of the major difficulties that they encountered. Do what you can now to keep her learning - she'll thank you in the long term.

I think you do need to carry on with it, at least until DHs visa situation is clearer.
But bribary may be the way to go. In the summer, we used to go to the nearby park, have icecream and a play before driving home in a similar situation ("alphabet" and distance wise).
But fighting with my 6 yr old today about just reading his English book, I don't envy you. That said, they do ask DH for language lessons, maybe once a week. But that's not going to be enough for your particular requirements. For us, spoken, with a basic knowledge of reading and writing is the aim - so our walls are currently covered with dinosaur names in script. It gets some raised eyebrows, but trial and error suggests at least the kids get used to the strokes this way!!!

Sirzy

If the DC finishes school at 3.30, home by 4, snack and play until 5, homework finished by 6. Plenty of time for supper, bath and play before bed.

it is very interesting reading replies. It seems those of you who appreciate Japanese culture or bilingual families think ianbu, but that incentives are the way to go. I agree. Its harsh, but one day it will be worth it.

I understand the homework seems a lot, but compared to in Japan its really not! and best to be used to intense study than not and be behind ; that really would be hell for us and her!

It's a heavy daily workload but not too horrendous if u don't work and can do homework straight after school ie 4-5pm.

I'd use lots of rewards. Not sure if it would work but I use flashcards and have stuff stuck up in the sittingroom and kitchen - doing random 5 mins flash cards in the morning as refreshers

Does your dd do anything other than language school as an extra curricular activity that isn't academic based.

We are not a bilingual family but we did spend some years in another language and my kids were taught in it and fluent speakers. We have tried a number things since returning to keep this alive and family lessons have proved a hit with the kids and these happen weekly. We all work together on the language and play games etc in it. I think your dd has a great life skill and will really regret it in later years if she loses it.

I agree about books/ manga- she will at least pick up some of the characters/ readings and then it will be easier when she studies it.

How many Kanji does she need to know by April? I thought they only had to know a couple of hundred the first years? Sorry if I'm wrong.

I studied Japanese and I found animé/ manga a massive help, but I was quite a bit older than her.

There's also flashcards that help with recognition and I enjoyed making pretty looking Kanji practice notebooks. Maybe a bit like a cross between a scrap book and an exercise book, it just makes learning characters less bloody boring.

Just thought, could you buy some calligraphy pens/ brushes and she can practice her writing Shodou style? Could be an idea if she's crafty.