Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

dd and language school

76 replies

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 17:24

We are a bilingual family of two cultures. We relocated to the UK last year, and have settled DD in school here. On Saturdays she attends school in her other language, at the level she would have been at should we have stayed in the other country. The other language is non alphabetic, and can be hard work.

DD hates it. Homework is a huge chore and turning into a fight more often than not.

She would prefer to quit. My worry is that we may go back to the other country - DH doesn't have a visa here yet - so she will need to be literate there for school, and even if we stay here, she needs to know her own country's language.

AiBU making her study?

OP posts:

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 19:36

I was a foreign language teacher in the other country, and I understand what you are saying. There is literally no-one near us to play with in the language.. ditto a tutor where we live is nigh on impossible! that's why we go to school, 9 to 12, on Saturdays.

OP posts:

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 19:39

Uppity - thank you! I mean, we are talking about her relationships with her grandmother and grandfather, her aunts, and her whole life if we are forced to go back. Is it worth giving up on that?

OP posts:

Gatehouse77 · 28/04/2017 19:45

I've known a few families whose kids have attended Saturday school for their own language and culture. They've all gone through similar phases of not wanting to go. Those parents that stuck with it (maybe with added incentives/bribes ), their children have been able to communicate with wider family, etc. much more easily and, ultimately, have appreciated it in the long run.

MollyHuaCha · 28/04/2017 19:47

I think that when she's older, she might thank you for having kept it going. See what you can come up with bribes incentives. (I speak and write 4 languages and it's such a great skill to have.) Good luck

SometimesMaybe · 28/04/2017 19:48

What about a compromise? Do the Saturday class, watch some TV and do a bit of reading one night during the week (get magazines sent over rather than reading books perhaps). Speak to the class tutor and explain that you are pulling back a bit because of her resistance.

Does her Dad speak to her exclusively in his language? Skype his family and get her to practice that way too. Can you plan spend the whole of the summer in his country every few years? Trying to continue to "live" the language rather than see it as homework?

If you do move back, because she has a good grasp of the basics after a year she would be back on a level with other kids.

glorious · 28/04/2017 19:49

It sounds like a tricky situation. Learning characters is an extremely hard slog at whatever age, and I can understand your reluctance to let her stop when you might be going back. It's not like learning to read a language with an alphabet at all, where the skill is a bit more transferrable in my experience. It would be incredibly hard for her to catch up if she stops.

Does she get much out of the school itself or is she not keen on that either?

I don't really have any suggestions but I just wanted to say I get it! I hope you find a good solution

melj1213 · 28/04/2017 19:54

I can understand how you feel OP - me and my Ex are both English but my DD was born and lived in Spain for the first 6 years of her life, we only came back to the UK about 18 months ago because of some family issues ... for a while it looked like we were only going to be here a few months/year at most, so I was really "strict" on my DD keeping up with her Spanish for when we went back and she had to immerse in it again - using it every day and watching TV shows etc in Spanish at home.

Now it looks like we're back long term, I am still keen on her keeping up her mother tongue but I am more relaxed about how much "work" she has to do ... so some days we'll speak only in English, sometimes in Spanish and some nights in Spanglish.

Could you make an agreement with your DD that until the visa situation is sorted she has to do her Saturday classes and keep up her language learning? Then once you have a final decision it will either be a moot point as you will be going back anyway or you can re-negotiate a new agreement, perhaps she goes to class but homework is not quite so strictly completed or something else that suits you all?

AnnaBegins · 28/04/2017 19:58

How well do you know the other families at Saturday school? Could you do play dates with them or informal opportunities for learning like a penpal she can write to or some story writing in her language at home? Fun online learning games?

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 20:57

I appreciate all the suggestions. However homework has to be completed or they won't accept her at school. Many of the children there are in Scotland because of their parents jobs, and will only be here for a year or two. This is why it is so strict: the kids need to be able to slip back into the school system. Not keeping up isn't an option.

Play dates, again, are a nice idea but we are nowhere near anyone else - at least 40 mins - its a long drive for an after school playmate.

I am hoping she will thank me for it later, but I know she resents it now. I might try bribery!

OP posts:

Strawberrybubblegum · 28/04/2017 20:59

I'm really grateful to my mum for teaching me to read and write her language. I hated it and fought it every step of the way, but she was very clear that it was non-negotiable... and very determined! (she used a home-schooling correspondence course provided by the government of her home country and we did about an hour a few times a week for about 5 years ) .

It's really enriched my life: socially, culturally, and even with job opportunities.

It's worth it OP - your daughter just doesn't realise it yet.

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 20:59

and apart from waking up on Saturday, she likes the school and her teacher! its just homework.

OP posts:

Rustler74 · 28/04/2017 21:01

If the other language is your partner's language, why don't you apply the OPOL principle? I am pregnant, due in 3 weeks and I'm planning to speak exclusively Flemish with our baby, hopefully supported by books and some YouTube/ Flemish nursery rhymes. My partner will be speaking exclusively English with our baby. I'm however not at all concerned that this may be cause for language delay. I'm much more concerned that I won't be consistent because English has become such a second nature for me.

I hope it will work, because it sounds a drag to me if you were to subject your 7 year old to that amount of homework. I think it's more likely to make her have an aversion against the other language. My parents have brought me up with a curiosity for foreign languages by speaking a little bit, making a conversation and cheering me on when I'd give it a try. It made me want to play with language and learn more and more. The better I knew those languages, the better I became at my mother tongue.

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 21:08

OPOL would be less than we do now in the other language, I use it with DD and toddler DS too. They get English at school / nursery, and other language at home. But you don't learn to read or write by talking _ if you did there wouldn't be any illiterate people.

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 28/04/2017 21:13

Just another "Stick with it" from me - I gave up my first language aged 10 or so and have suffered for it.

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 21:13

for a baby, I am sure its fine. dd learned English from me from birth, and I taught her to read and write. She has been reading English well for 2-3 years. Actually, that might be part of the problem - she is capable in one and is perhaps frustrated
that the other, by its nature, wil take longer to reach the same standard.

OP posts:

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 28/04/2017 21:15

essential - that's what I don't want! thank you for saying so. perseverance and bribery might be the way forward.

OP posts:

hellokittymania · 28/04/2017 21:21

Can you find books in the other language that she would like to read? Or magazines? Or find a penpal that she could write two in the other language? There are many online websites now that have things like this. YouTube is great for finding things in other languages as well.

UppityHumpty · 28/04/2017 21:26

What language is it? I have links to various language resources and groups, I might be able to help?

RedSandYellowSand · 29/04/2017 05:40

Having made a guess at the family of languages, is it a traditional form, or simplified form? Can you get subtitles on cartoons / films?

Clutching at straws, any slightly less formal classes in the "area". If she can get the tonality and speech, would reading and writing take that long to catch up if you had to return?

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 29/04/2017 07:25

I didn't want to say for fear of identification! The language is Japanese - there are three writing systems, one being Chinese characters. She is grade 2 in Japan, the school year having just started in April. You cannot learn complex Chinese characters by looking at them; she can't read magazines or books without studying it - it honestly takes years and years. There are resources online, but she would need to keep up with her school level, so it would be a similar workload. Also, at school she participates in sports day, performances, cultural events. We are quite rural, and there are no other families near us to facilitate playdates.

There is a very real chance we will be going back, thanks to May and the Tories - I doubt DH will get a visa.

You can get subtitles or books, yes, but you need to learn the Chinese characters to be able to read them! It isn't like phonetic languages where knowing the sounds means you can read - characters can have 2 or more ways of reading depending on the other characters they are with. You need to study it.

I appreciate people taking the time to think of solutions, but honestly, it is the kind of language you have to work at. Japanese kids go to school and cram schools on top, plus homework to master it - currently she is getting off lightly! But she needs to be kept as up to level as possible, so we need to work at it.

If I can get her to work on a Sunday morning, we can get the big / hard bits done and leave the easier stuff to do in bits over the week. I think thats the best we can do, adn hope she grows into it / appreciates not giving up when she is older.

OP posts:

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 29/04/2017 08:04

OP why not try simple comics? DH says some have the hiragana (sound-based alphabet) written side by side with the kanji (Chinese-origin writing system). That could keep her reading going and perhaps expand her knowledge of kanji.

Disclaimer: I have no idea what I'm talking about but DH speaks and can read some Japanese.

My DC1 is 6 and loves all thing Doraemon. Something like that must be more fun than literally hours of homework a week. Your daughter's peers are likely to be exposed to similar, erm, reading material.

sonjadog · 29/04/2017 08:11

You said she enjoys Saturday school, so it's just the homework that's the problem? In that case, I'd keep the classes and focus on making homework more "fun". Could you give a reward if she does her homework with no fuss? Or a treat or something like that? It's a lot of homework at her age, but I would think that in a year or two, it will seem less of a big deal to her.

Original poster

thesourceofLoveandLight · 29/04/2017 08:22

doraemon and manga are fine, but in addition to, not instead of, homework. I speak and understand the language very well. reading manga is fun but it doesn't teach me how to write a character, or reinforce the other readings / meanings or stroke order. but as a supplement, yes. right now tho I am not sure if DD would be up for it! might look into extra reading that would pique her interest.

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 29/04/2017 08:28

I've just read your update. Please carry on with this - it will be incredibly valuable to her to speak fluent Japanese in the future.

EssentialHummus · 29/04/2017 08:29

*and for speak read "read, write" etc.

Flip

1 2 3 4