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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Primary school stopping kids going to the loo!

35 replies

babayjane67 · 28/04/2017 12:00

My dd is 8&in yr 3.
Since yr 2 they've been told they have to go in the breaks.
Its been an issue with a couple of kids in her class who have had an accident because they weren't allowed to go!
Now in yr 3 if they ask to go during the morning teacher tells them they should go at home before they leave!even for poo!
This is particularly worrying dd at the moment as she's been going a lot this wk.she nearly had an
accident the other day when she asked if she could go but teacher said no.then dd said I'm desperate now I need to go so eventually she was allowed.
Now today she got up needed to go& was taking a while&said she's got tummy ache doesn't feel very well.
She was also still worrying about not being able to go at school if she needs to go&having an accident!
So as she hasn't eaten much breakfast& still complaining of tummy ache,I've kept her off today.
Is this normal procedure now for schools?
I can understand if it's a child that constantly goes to the loo&spends hrs in there but u can tell the ones who are like that from the ones who are genuine.
Dd has also said that they are kept in at break times to finish their work&make up the time they lost while in the loo if they 'take too long'!
Aibu to think that this is not right?

OP posts:

sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 12:10

I have never refused to send a child to the toilet, but I have had them wait for several reasons -

As soon as they come in from break or lunch it's a no go. They had time then to go and didn't bother, they can wait until I've introduced and explained our work before going. I cannot interrupt or stall a lesson for one child to go to the toilet.
They have sat talking and are looking for excuses. I ask them to wait 5 or so minutes and if they still need they can go. Genuine cases come back, the others don't.
Interrupting mid explanation to ask to go. Again they are asked to wait.
If another child is away they are asked to wait.
Child who repeatedly asks during a particular lesson is asked to wait 5 or so minutes to see if genuine.

If a child is genuinely desperate for the toilet it is obvious and shouldn't be ignored.

wifeyhun · 28/04/2017 12:13

I hate this stopping children from using the loo.

DD10 has ended up with a uti twice now from holding in her wee. I have told her teacher now she must be allowed to go if she needs too.

Some days she can go hours without having a wee, sometimes she needs to go more often, we are all only human.

They encourage them to drink water in hot weather, but then moan when they need a wee.

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2017 12:15

then dd said I'm desperate now I need to go so eventually she was allowed.

I don't understand the problem then.

Can you imagine how many times the teacher has heard, "Can I go to the toilet please?" from kids who just fancy getting out of class for a minutes?

Often when kids are told they need to wait til breaktime, they forget all about their apparent need to go right there and then.

Your DD didn't forget and was allowed to go the second time she asked.

Original poster

babayjane67 · 28/04/2017 12:33

As I said Worral I understand the ones who aren't genuine but u can usually tell.
I hate it too wifey.my dd has had a uti also earlier in the Yr.
Sailor yes a lot of that is OK but as I said u can usually tell the genuine ones.
I think it's especially unfair in one of the kids in the class who has a problem with their bowels& is under a consultant for& has to have a book in school saying when she has to go etc.even she has been told she can't go& has been kept in for taking too long!
I don't want this worrying about it to put my dd off school as she loves it!

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/04/2017 12:39

It's a balancing act for teachers. If they just let everyone go to the loo, whenever they asked, it would cause a lot of disruption in the class - and your child's education would suffer as a result.

Obviously they don't want any child to become ill, or soil themselves, or become unhappy to be in school either - so they have to walk a fine line between letting them all go willy nilly, and never letting anyone go.

The most sensible approach, which I have seen outlined on several threads on this topic recently, is to ask the child to wait, and then see if they forget their need to go - and if they ask again, let them go.

It is also worth parents reminding their children to go to the loo at break time and lunch time, because this will reduce the likelihood of them needing to go 'desperately' as soon as they get back into class.

Like it or not, some children will ask to go to the loo because they want to get out of class, or because they want to go and create mischief in the loos. And if a school has a policy that no child is allowed to go to the loo outwith breaktime and lunch time, the teacher can get into trouble if they do let children go to the loo.

A child with a medical need should have a card they can show, so they can go to the loo when they need to, without a lot of palaver.

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2017 12:39

And the teacher could tell the second time.

It's very common once they hit junior school, for teachers to try to get them in the habit of not disturbing the lesson unless they absolutely have to.

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2017 12:41

I think it's especially unfair in one of the kids in the class who has a problem with their bowels& is under a consultant for& has to have a book in school saying when she has to go etc.even she has been told she can't go& has been kept in for taking too long!

That ^^ is very wrong.

The teacher expecting your DD to wait and then allowing her to go when she said she couldn't wait any longer, is not wrong imo.

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/04/2017 12:43

What happens in secondary schools? Can't remember.. in college/ uni / work people leave quietly if they're desperate, don't they?

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/04/2017 12:44

Oh sorry worra, missed that post of yours.

BlackeyedSusan · 28/04/2017 12:48

in secondary schools they have a toilet pass for those with medical needs.

BlackeyedSusan · 28/04/2017 12:49

this really pisses me off.

several teachers have learned the hard way that dc can not wait, even to ask once,.

BirdyBedtime · 28/04/2017 12:50

The thing about saying no the first time and waiting until they ask again doesn't work if you are like my DS who won't ask until he is absolutely desparate as he's too engrossed in what he is doing. If asked to wait he'd definitely have an accident.

We're recently had a couple of notes home from the teacher about frequent loo breaks and it turns out he wasn't going at morning/lunch break because he didn't think about doing that. Reminding him to do that plus giving him a smaller water bottle has worked wonders.

IntheBenefitTrap · 28/04/2017 12:53

Not normal. When I was teacher training we were taught to never, ever stop a child going to the toilet. If they're going constantly, there's obviously another issue.

Thirtyrock39 · 28/04/2017 12:56

A typical primary school
Aged child should not need To go urgently when they feel the need to go to the loo. In primary they have usually 3 breaks which means they are never more than 90 mins from a break which should be perfectly fine for a child of this age. Once kids are toilet trained they should be easily able to wait 2-3 hours between toilet visits. However they should be encouraged to go to the loo at break times. Obviously if medical issues these should be dealt with individually.
It's actually not good for children's continence to be going to the loo to frequently the bladder needs to be able to hold onto wee for a length of time and frequent emptying reduces bladdder capacity.

wifeyhun · 28/04/2017 12:58

What happens in secondary schools?

My eldest is in year 10 and more often and not they are allowed to go.

Infact my daughter has found high school less strict and draconian than primary.

Blissx · 28/04/2017 13:00

A whole week went by without a school/toilet break thread - I was missing them!

Seriously though, I second what WorraLiberty said - there is not issue here in this specific case: the second time your DD asked, she was allowed to go. And no, this you can usually tell nonsense doesn't work in a classroom full of children, teaching a lesson and numerous toilet requests.

tanfield90 · 28/04/2017 13:03

This happened when I was in school thirty plus years ago.

May I go to the toilet please ?

You should have gone at break.

I didn't need to go then.

And so on...

Blissx · 28/04/2017 13:04

InTheBenefitTrap

So you were trained to go against your school policy (if they have one?)

I am also a teacher and during training, there was certainly no specific guidance on toilet breaks. However, there was training on following a school's policy...

(and I do let students go to the toilet, but the first time they ask, I say unless you are desperate, I say, 'ask in 10 minutes' especially if they ask just after a break or lunchtime and usually, they don't because the toilet request was not genuine.)

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 28/04/2017 13:11

In my secondary they can't go during the first 90 minutes of school, thereafter it's at teacher's discretion. And it's the same ones, over and over again who go (or try to) during every single lesson.
Funnily enough they tend to also be the ones who get bad marks. They're time-wasters.

IntheBenefitTrap · 28/04/2017 13:16

My school didn't have a policy on children going to the toilet. I don't think it was that big a deal to be honest.

Original poster

babayjane67 · 28/04/2017 13:40

DD does not ask to go all the time,doesnt get bad grades (her school reports are always very good& last parents evening we had,teacher praised her for always being very enthusiastic,a team player& a good role model for others)she rarely has time off& is certainly not a time waster!

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 28/04/2017 13:44

It is a safeguarding thing in many schools as well as a teaching issue.

Toysaurus · 28/04/2017 13:54

In primar, when you know your class well, you can tell who needs the toilet and who fancies disappearing for a chat with their friends.

Original poster

babayjane67 · 28/04/2017 13:58

Thank you Toysaurus exactly!

OP posts:

Blissx · 28/04/2017 15:14

babayjane67

Are you a teacher? I only ask as you seem so sure that every situation and scenario is the same as we should all magically know. What if they don't want to do a particular task, yet never have before? What if they had plenty of time at break but couldn't be bothered and thought the lesson was less important. What if three or four pupils have asked in that lesson already and it is getting a little ridiculous?

It is not as simple as 'you know how is genuine and who is not every time. Despite what you or Toysaurus say.

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