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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother-in-Law

57 replies

Callalily1234 · 27/04/2017 23:02

Live in village about 10 mins walk from DH's B + SIL. They spend most of time abroad but BIL comes back regularly to his house: 10 mins away from us.
Despite having home in village he turns up almost everyday "to play the piano" [he has an electronic keyboard in his home] and then expects to stay for supper. No warning at all. Just turns up. If door not locked he just walks straight into our home. Has adult daughter and son with families living locally.
When he needs a wee he goes in our drive (we have 4 loos in the house).
AIBU to want to stop all this?

OP posts:
Laiste · 28/04/2017 15:22

No, YANBU to want to stop this.

The answer is a lock on the door surely?

Or is DH happy with his pissing, meal crashing piano playing brother?

Original poster
Callalily1234 · 24/05/2017 19:01

Thank you for bolstering my feeling that the "drive irrigation" thing is weird. I discussed it with DH: he doesn't think it is a problem. Neither does he think that brother's daily visits to play piano/have supper is not OK. He's not the person who has to stretch 2 portions to 3......Any thoughts?

OP posts:
BuckinghamLass · 24/05/2017 19:05

Tell your DH you're developing feelings for his brother, thanks to the sultry piano numbers and his devil-may-care attitude to toileting . Grin

Original poster
Callalily1234 · 24/05/2017 19:12

Fortunately the "D"BIL has gone abroad again. Phew. But I cannot understand why DH is so compliant and just laughs it off. Should I squat in the drive? Any advice. I really don't get any of this.....

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 24/05/2017 19:12

Dish your dinner up. Divide DH's between him and his brother.
Not sure how to cope with 2 men who think driveway wee is acceptable.

ExplodedCloud · 24/05/2017 19:13

DH has confirmed you can be electrocuted by weeing on a live electricity cable like an electric fence...

ExplodedCloud · 24/05/2017 19:16

*Low voltage obvs to make it sting rather than burn him to a cardiac arrested crisp.

Gazelda · 24/05/2017 19:20

He wees on your drive?! Does he wash his hands after?
I think you need to tell him that it's not on, it's socially unacceptable and you're offended. Unless he stops, he'll be unwelcome in your home.

ImperialBlether · 24/05/2017 19:26

It's important you have the same size portion that you would have and split the remainder between the two of them. Your husband will soon change his mind.

Frankly I would scream at anyone peeing in my driveway and wouldn't let them into the house at all.

QuestionARhino · 24/05/2017 19:34

This has left me speechless. What the shit.

SaucyJack · 24/05/2017 19:39

Did he bully your husband when they were kids? Agree he's trying to assert dominance over your husband's "territory".

Kpo58 · 24/05/2017 19:52

Can you direct him to the compost heap? At least weeing there would be useful.

Original poster
Callalily1234 · 24/05/2017 20:00

Ummm, a Cac .........Thinking

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 24/05/2017 20:03

Agree with ExolodedCloud, give yourself the proper portion and share DHs between him and BIL.

And turn the hosepipe on any driveway pee-ers

Original poster
Callalily1234 · 24/05/2017 20:06

OK my lovelies: husband will not confront (elder by 10 years) brother, despite my pleas. I gave DH an ultimatum: he won't deal with it. I have had enough (no kids, DH had affair, we "patched things up"). Am off

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 24/05/2017 20:24

Sounds like you're well rid of the pair of them

RhiWrites · 24/05/2017 20:25

I pity the next wife. Can you leave her a note?

AlternativeTentacle · 24/05/2017 20:35

I don't blame you. Never look back.

girlywhirly · 24/05/2017 20:39

I would talk to his wife, and his kids to find out if this is usual when he is at home or visits them. You might disgust them enough to shame him into stopping. Or could you enlist the help of a neighbour to pretend they are coming round to see you, catch him in the act and film it on a phone, then inform the police for you? I think BIL needs a chat about indecent exposure and offensive behaviour with them, in the light of neighbour catching him in the act.

It does seem like bullying behaviour, especially as no-one has called him out on it. If DH won't say anything, you can. Tell DH that you live there too, BIL disgusts you, he has no respect for either of you and he is a freeloader. You will not be cooking for him again.

girlywhirly · 24/05/2017 20:44

OK, just read the bit about DH's affair. No point then. Make sure you get half the house!

LeninaCrowne · 24/05/2017 20:49

Why can't you tell your BIL to stop meal scrounging and pissing on your driveway, if your husband can't do it?

Strangely, my in laws used to have a neighbour that pissed in his back yard every evening at 7. They never had the courage to ask him why he was doing it if to stop.

LeninaCrowne · 24/05/2017 20:50

or to stop

SaucyJack · 24/05/2017 20:52

"Strangely, my in laws used to have a neighbour that pissed in his back yard every evening at 7."

How many bathrooms in the house? I bet his kid was in the bath at that time.

LeninaCrowne · 24/05/2017 20:57

This was in a fancy gated development in USA, not a 2 up 2 down - I'm sure their neighbour had more than one toilet in the house.

twisterinyogapants · 24/05/2017 22:29

Ignore and tell your husband to sure his brother or sort them out