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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL clothes shopping for DD

45 replies

ImMrsBrightside · 27/04/2017 21:37

I know IABU...but I want some help in how to word something so it doesn't come across like I am!

My MIL loves buying clothes for my DD. She is my only DC and MIL's second grand daughter.

Firstly I would rather she asked if there was anything we needed - DD is five months and has sooooo many clothes people have bought! (Plus I love to buy stuff myself!) I think it's a waste of money and if she wants to do something nice there is always other stuff we need that will actually be enjoyed/of use. Obviously I don't want to ask as that sounds rude and grabby.

For example, I have set up a savings account for DD and have a piggy bank that was a gift in her room. In five months my husband and I have saved a fair bit and hope to keep doing this over the years so she has money aside for uni or a flat. My mum sticks a tenna in there every now as well as often asking if there is anything we need. Other relatives have also put money into this account as a bit towards a nest egg. I think this is so much more worthwhile for DD's future but again I obviously can't ask MIL for money!

Secondly, and this is the part where I know IABU, the clothes she buys are...how do I put this nicely...really not to my taste. I know I am BU but actually I can't stand most of them. They are quite garish (bold motifs, slogans and colours) and often quite bad quality. I'm not adverse to a supermarket or Primark but I think you do have to choose stuff carefully to avoid it looking cheap. It sounds so awful but thy really are bad!! Would upload some photos but scared of outting myself! Much of this stuff I have bagged up for charity.

I really don't want to be rude as I appreciate that she wants to do something nice and don't want to throw it back in her face as I value her a lot. I know we are really lucky to have relatives that want to buy stuff and help us and DD is lucky to be so loved. But she keeps on buying clothes, much of which I dislike and more to the point that DD will never need/wear.

I have tried to be gentle - making jokes about how we all need to stop buying clothes as soon DD will need a walk in wardrobe and generally hinting that she has too much stuff. But it's not working! She keeps showing up with clothes I don't like or want! Have asked DH to have a word and he just says she likes clothes shopping!

I just want to find a way of telling her she can do nice things and stop buying clothes! Again I know IABU and over the top but I worry if I don't stop this now I will have a lifetime of it and a wardrobe filled with tacky clothes but most importantly she will be wasting her money!

Please help me be firm but kind!

OP posts:

Gobbolinocat · 27/04/2017 21:58

Is your mil actually short of money?

My MIl buys cheap stuff too - not all of it bad, but she is well off and will say " oh I got them this its only tesco" and I think - 'well I buy them tesco if your going to buy why not go somewhere a bit nicer!'

However I dont get on with my mil and I dont feel she buys clothes from a nice place I feel its very much from that she thinks I dont dress the dc to her taste. She has never once ever said " oh what a lovely outfit" and she scowls if some one says " Gobbo - I love how the dc are dressed"

Soooo the long and short of it is - I simply take stuff we dont need or like straight to the charity shop now and dont give it a second thought...well...childishly it does make me feel good. I do keep some items...

If you like your mil just accept, keep the odd thing you like and give it all away....dont feel bad.....but it does get insane with all the clothes!

Gobbolinocat · 27/04/2017 21:59

Also from the piggy bank POV it sounds like you do have a good few other family members who contribute to it - so dont need her help there.

CanaryFish · 27/04/2017 22:00

If she really absolutely has to buy her clothes can you suggest she buys them a few sizes up?

Mammylamb · 27/04/2017 22:02

Gobb "well I buy them Tesco... why not buy something nicer". Don't you think that sounds a wee bit grabby?

Original poster

ImMrsBrightside · 27/04/2017 22:02

No - she is not short of money at all! Not that I want her to spend more on clothes, I still don't trust what she'd get!!

Get your point re: the savings. Probably a bad example. It's not like we need or even want money, just trying to honk of things that would be more useful.

OP posts:

Original poster

ImMrsBrightside · 27/04/2017 22:03

Canary fail to see how that would help? Trying to be tactful as I don't actually want to dress DD in them!

OP posts:

Thinkingblonde · 27/04/2017 22:04

Sell 'em on EBay?

DonaldTrumpsTrump · 27/04/2017 22:04

Does she give them to you still with the tags on them?

highinthesky · 27/04/2017 22:06

Can't you use the stuff MIL buys for home use only? Surely with all the poo and regurge it will save you from putting the washing on quite do often?

SuperBeagle · 27/04/2017 22:06

well I buy them tesco if your going to buy why not go somewhere a bit nicer!

AirandMungBeans · 27/04/2017 22:06

My grandma did this with my eldest when he was born. We ended up with so much that he'd outgrow them before even getting to wear them. In the end I asked her, that if she wanted to buy clothes, buy them in various sizes, that way he had a few for each age and we weren't overwhelmed. Also if they aren't to your taste, there are only a few to wear occasionally, not loads at once.

glueandstick · 27/04/2017 22:07

Mine always buys stuff much too big to grow in to. Nothing fits in the right season and stuff from Christmas won't fit for a good two years. I have a special drawer for all of this.

Redblankets · 27/04/2017 22:10

Can't you return them to the shop(s) they were bought from?

KeepCalm · 27/04/2017 22:12

Is there a local woman's refuge where you can take them to someone who will actually appreciate them?

It's a bit of a first world problem this but you'll be grateful for these clothes when your DD goes to playgroup/nursery and thinks nothing of covering herself in mud and paint.

And FGS take a picture of the wee one in ONE of the outfits to give to her. It won't kill you to return some of the kindness

MakingBaconPancakes · 27/04/2017 22:12

You need to go shopping with her one day and obviously point out the stuff you like. And say stuff like 'I love her in teal' 'I love this dusty pink'. Be very 'meh' about stuff she picks up that you don't like.

It Will work and yanbu.

I spent the first year of dcs life doing washing almost everyday so he pretty much only needed a couple of outfits as they were being cleaned and going on top of the pile and being immediately used again.

Also if she starts looking after her, but her in those clothes on those days when she goes round. Then it's win win. Save your favs for when u do stuff with her.

pigsknickers · 27/04/2017 22:13

Yep my mil does this too but she doesn't even give us the clothes - he has his own complete wardrobe at her house and whenever he goes to visit her he comes back dressed in her clothes (we're talking just for an afternoon or whatever, there's always some spurious reason why he had to get changed). Drives me nuts. I don't like her taste in clothes for one thing, but it's more than that, I can't really articulate why it upsets me. Especially when she buys him really expensive shoes to wear when he's at her house. It's all so unnecessary. He's two and he's got three winter coats for fuck's sake! Grr. I wish you luck nipping it in the bud, I never worked out how to and now I honestly don't know when or where it's all going to stop.

AddToBasket · 27/04/2017 22:13

Yeah, YABU but I sympathise because I hate watching people waste money.

Basically, she is doing no harm at all and you should just get over it . Really. Just take the stuff to the charity shop and let it all flow over you.

If you really, really feel you need to do something about it, take MIL to somewhere you like clothes from. Have an outing to chose DD clothes and let her buy them if she wants to.

If that seems like too much hassle, just keep thanking her and putting the stuff in a drawer with 'my goodness, I don't know when we'll have time to wear all of this.'

melj1213 · 27/04/2017 22:14

If you don't want/your DH won't just tell your MIL to stop, then can you just get rid of stuff when she's not looking?

If your DD has loads of clothes already, can you donate or return some clothes your MIL gifts you - even if it's just for store credit to buy stuff you like/need - and if she ever asks about them, just say your DD has grown out of them or they must be in the pile of stuff you packed away earlier because there's just too much stuff around the place?

MakingBaconPancakes · 27/04/2017 22:15

glueandstick that does my head in. sizes in the wrong season. Dc doesn't need a snowsuit for the summer!!

Teaandchocolate92 · 27/04/2017 22:18

When my Dd was 1st born my in laws were always coming round with (horrible) clothes from bil and their friends. When I said I only needed clothes in certain sizes which would of been summer months still got winter coats in those sizes!! Bil was buying bundles of clothes of eBay as it was a good deal. Some even included boy clothes!!

When we went round and said please don't buy us anymore clothes as we have no more space in the wardrobe and everything is getting creased and to wait til she grows.

Me and my dh won't be telling them dd needs any clothing.

Haven't had anything yet. Fingers crossed

buckyou · 27/04/2017 22:18

I think you are being a bit precious. Could you not just stick something on that she's bought when she comes to visit and then charity shop it when it's outgrown (even if not worn).

Don't really see what harm she's doing. It is annoying when people buy stuff that's not to your taste though, bit o guess they like to buy what they think is cute.

melj1213 · 27/04/2017 22:19

Or, can you give your MIL suggestions of what you do need?

So rather than her turning up with whatever she's found for herself, can you give her general things to buy? "Oh MIL this tie-dye tutu is great, but next time you're shopping, could you look out for some nice shortsleeved babygrows in white/pink/yellow? With the weather getting warmer, DD could do with some to go under summer outfits!"

Original poster

ImMrsBrightside · 27/04/2017 22:22

Thanks all

I'm not really looking to "profit" off it or gain more clothes - just want to nip it in the bud without being rude. I can feel myself getting angry when I think of a lifetime of fake smiles and her taste in clothes! However, seems the general consensus is to try not to let it bother me because IT IS a first world problem

OP posts:

Original poster

ImMrsBrightside · 27/04/2017 22:23

Mel yes! That does sound like it is worth a try!

OP posts:

CanaryFish · 27/04/2017 22:24

Ok ... i Get where you're coming from taste wise but when 1-3 year olds are going through the lets paint,puke,poo, generally wreck everything * stage spare clothes are handy to have and you don't care if they get wrecked/stained or not, or they get recycled into Halloween costumes

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