MIL clothes shopping for DD

[ImMrsBrightside]

I know IABU...but I want some help in how to word something so it doesn't come across like I am!

My MIL loves buying clothes for my DD. She is my only DC and MIL's second grand daughter.

Firstly I would rather she asked if there was anything we needed - DD is five months and has sooooo many clothes people have bought! (Plus I love to buy stuff myself!) I think it's a waste of money and if she wants to do something nice there is always other stuff we need that will actually be enjoyed/of use. Obviously I don't want to ask as that sounds rude and grabby.

For example, I have set up a savings account for DD and have a piggy bank that was a gift in her room. In five months my husband and I have saved a fair bit and hope to keep doing this over the years so she has money aside for uni or a flat. My mum sticks a tenna in there every now as well as often asking if there is anything we need. Other relatives have also put money into this account as a bit towards a nest egg. I think this is so much more worthwhile for DD's future but again I obviously can't ask MIL for money!

Secondly, and this is the part where I know IABU, the clothes she buys are...how do I put this nicely...really not to my taste. I know I am BU but actually I can't stand most of them. They are quite garish (bold motifs, slogans and colours) and often quite bad quality. I'm not adverse to a supermarket or Primark but I think you do have to choose stuff carefully to avoid it looking cheap. It sounds so awful but thy really are bad!! Would upload some photos but scared of outting myself! Much of this stuff I have bagged up for charity.

I really don't want to be rude as I appreciate that she wants to do something nice and don't want to throw it back in her face as I value her a lot. I know we are really lucky to have relatives that want to buy stuff and help us and DD is lucky to be so loved. But she keeps on buying clothes, much of which I dislike and more to the point that DD will never need/wear.

I have tried to be gentle - making jokes about how we all need to stop buying clothes as soon DD will need a walk in wardrobe and generally hinting that she has too much stuff. But it's not working! She keeps showing up with clothes I don't like or want! Have asked DH to have a word and he just says she likes clothes shopping!

I just want to find a way of telling her she can do nice things and stop buying clothes! Again I know IABU and over the top but I worry if I don't stop this now I will have a lifetime of it and a wardrobe filled with tacky clothes but most importantly she will be wasting her money!

Please help me be firm but kind!

She has the best of intentions, bless her, she just doesn't see that what she's buying isn't your style for your daughter at all.

I second taking her shopping/going shopping with her and overly enthusing about stuff you like and being very cool about what you don't, specifically saying what you don't like about it (without being mean to her, obviously).

That being said, when my oldest nephew was born, we all (grandparents, aunts) went kinda crazy buying stuff, mostly 'basics' to be fair - vests, sleepsuits, t-shirts etc. His mum said he was so well off for basics, she could actually justify buying 'nicer' things herself as she didn't have to provide a dozen vests he was going to poo all over in no time.

(By subsequent nephews/my niece, we were more restrained!)

Is this an option, could you say something along the lines of, "I always seem to be washing vests/babygrows", in the hopes she would take the hint and buy those? At least they wouldn't be visible, if they were that bad.

Or, as others have stated, use some of the stuff you're not keen on for the house when it will most likely get milk/sick/poo on it.

I love my MIL buying the kids clothes as she gets them brand new M&S and Next stuff whereas I buy second hand and from supermarkets. She also has fabulous taste!

If she is leaving the tags on then you can go to the shops she's bought the clothes from and exchange for something more to your taste. I don't think you're going to be able to stop her because she is enjoying doing it, so just be gracious and keep doing what you're doing.

I agree with suggestion that you go shopping together - show MIL things you like/need and would dress your DD in. Say 'she will be needing some clothes for this event/party dress/ leggings and tunic sets etc whatever it might be.

Good luck...... mine did this too. When my daughter was about 6 months old she bought her a really odd (and awful) outfit from Gap for Christmas. She asked me a few weeks later if it had fitted so I (I thought tactfully....) said that it was lovely but the wrong size so I'd swapped it (for something else....) - for years after that everything came with the tags cut off ...........

God GU that's actually not a particularly nice thing for her to have done. So she would rather potentially buy things that didn't fit and they end up not being used?

DS has some outfits that still have tags on - and they are now in the attic potentially awaiting ds2. Although some may never find their way back down

MakingBaconPancakes- I have a rather pretty summer sleeveless dress that I predict will fit some time in January. There is only so much layering and pairs of tights you can get away with.

My Mum and MIL did this. One shopped in Benetton and the other from goodness only knows where but the static, velveteen and floral pattern quotient was very high.

I kept some for smart and others for paint play. After DCs had grown out of them, I ebayed one and donated the other to charity shop / material banks.

Everyone happy.

Sell them on a local fb baby group or cheeky monkies table sale and stick the cash in her bank account

Can you ask her if she has any preference for where you donate all the stuff DD has "outgrown"? You know, since babies grow so fast and you have all these characterful outfits that DD has hardly worn? That might focus her mind a little on the wastefulness of it.

My MIL did this too - she just loved buying tiny clothes, and I think didn't stop to think that other people were buying dd clothes too so didn't realise we ended up with far too many. I had to just keep saying 'thank you, that's lovely, actually now we have loads of clothes that will keep us going for a while, please don't buy any more as I don't want to you waste your money if they don't get worn'. It took a while but now the kids are 6 and 3 they get more sensible amounts of clothes as gifts. We're now working on the sackfuls of sweets they get bought instead....!

Shock horror BOY clothes teaandchoc in a girl!!!

*on

My mom does this same thing with toys. It's something I've chosen to let go. I usually get rid of a toy (oneshes nog playing with) every time she gets a new one. It keeps the clutter down. I also try to apply this same thing to clothes. I am a minimalist so having a lot of things seems ridiculous to me.

Also aware that you can't really control how other people spend their money, it sounds like when she is out she just LIKES to buy your dd clothes. Have you thought of making a box just for clothes your MIL buys and then having your dd wear them when you see her? That means you keep the peace, but your ds never wears them unless it's time for a visit from grandma !

Oh I meant to mention.. have you ever suggested that you LOVE the thought she puts into you guys by buying these clothes and how about she keep them at her house for when you guys come to visit! Haha I started doing that one with the toys... telling people they could buy as many toys as they like and keep them at their place, that's so nice of them! Then they may start to see they may not want to be hoarding it all either!! Both my dds grandmas have loads of toys at their houses for the random times we visit now....

Just leave her to it. My MIL is a total hippy and buys my children the most awful looking things......think tie dyed, slightly ragged looking sundresses...but MIL likes them and thinks they're nice....and sometimes...the horror of it....my children like them too!

The DC are their own people....it's not for me to turn down gifts. I just charity shop them after a bit.

My MIL does this - but for DP & I! We don't have kids yet, so that will come, but we can't visit them without coming back with a coat or a jumper - generally that aren't to our taste! I honestly think it's a control thing.

A tenna??

My MIL has been buying our boy (due soon) loads of ghastly, really cheap clothes despite being asked not to (i.e. we have enough now).

I've taken at least half of them to a charity shop already 😬

The few sizes up thing can be useful in a way, it means she's less likely to notice you're not using them as by the time they'd be the right size she'll have forgotten what she bought

I set up a bank account too, I just gave out the details saying "no pressure, set up this account for the future if you want to put anything in for birthdays/christmas/whatever" It doesn't stop the buying unfortunately, people buy stuff because it's satisfying more than because it's useful!

ImMrsBrightside Thu 27-Apr-17 22:22:19

"I can feel myself getting angry when I think of a lifetime of fake smiles and her taste in clothes!"

It won't be a lifetime; within a few years your dd will start to develop her own taste which may well be nothing like yours.

And as others have said, she will start covering clothes in mud and poster paints.